They never do

I have a tendency to say that the doctors in the deepest parts of Africa and the Amazon jungle will sooner cure you than the doctors in the U.S. and Great Brittan.

Im available.

Maybe you can get a chuckle out of this. It's pretty scary technology....

https://youtu.be/eseGwoxiqNs

https://youtu.be/i9KrJFLYxTI

Talk or type?

Sure

I havent seen a doctor in 45 years.
They are just drug pushers and are in bed with big pharma.

He/she doesnt care.
You will realise that the last doctors who seemed to care were in the 60s and 70s. Those days are gone. Greed took its place

Great. Most future doctors want to heal people in medical school but the system wont allow for it.
Disease management makes money.
Cured people dossnt do as well

I dont believe that putting mercury in the body is an ethical practice that prompts sickness rather than health.
It could be a wonderful way to stave off disease if it was developed with ethics in mind.

Who are you may I ask?

You sound like a gal about 28 years old

Hahaha i knew you wud know :)

Great.
We think alike

I bet u knew it was me really thou lol

Yes from the start

I really like your name

Aw thanks
Yeah not hard to guess when i blabber on about drs all the time

What y been doin today?

I guess maybe ur 1st bit is ur surname

Im really doing nothing today

U like music. What other stuff do u like? R u poorly too?
Maybe u been thru some similar stuff cos many think big pharma are just wonderful.
Cos they havent lived thru the bad stuff

Yes.
For me I just accept that what the system is selling isnt verygood for our bodies.
The truth is if big pharma wanted to advance our health they could do it. They cpuld get to the root of most disease and cure it
They chose the path of greed instead.
They "big pharma"are very very evil group of people.
Imagine sending a death sentence to anyone with a cure for cancer.
They practice socery

Do u know david icke?

I heard his name. I never listened to him

My friend sent me one his books. Talks about the big businesses illuminate n stuff like that.

Do you agree with him

I believe the girl who gave her accounts of what happened to her. She was called Cathy. What he said though was that its strange that none of them would try and take him to court for saying dishonest things. Does make u think. Cos if they were innorcent they wud be mad and take him to court for talking about them in his book

He talks about how people are brainwashed and how big wigs use media to control our perceptions

I believe that for sure. So easy to see.

What do u think?

He absolutly right and someone to listen to to deprogram.
However ignorance is bliss and the more trith you realise the more depressed ypu could become.
I wpuld look into truths that uplift.
Im a spiritualist and it makes me feel peace

Its so so true. Thank u. I had to put the book away cos its makes my mind way too busy. Tiring to think about.

I tried to tell mam some stuff but she said to take each day as it comes and to trust in god type thing.

To me, the more i hear this bad stuff, the more it confirms that the bad one is real. So it confirms even more so that god is real

Its crazy how i can see it but others cant

Heres a song for you.
I didnt write it but any song about love is grand
https://youtu.be/dSjpbAmX7x0

I love lovey dove songs :D

Cool

Aww thanks for that. I love music i dont often listen to it much now i have a guitar in spare room but i wasnt much gud at it.

Dad used to try n teach me but was long time ago. Used to love spending time with my dad. Im probably better singing though lol

Dad has a saxophone. I love it even more than him. He said he didnt dare sell it cos he knows how much i like it

Its great you have a good dad.
Thats a blessing

My friend was a jehovahs witness but she died. She used to visit sometimes. Was the only one who ever did. A few times she even took me out. Even though she was in her 60s. Loved her to bits.

Dad can be a bum head sumtimes but he still loves me and me him. I wish he wud care for his health more tho.

Its kinda sad cos for many years me n dad werent so good. Me and my parents fell out for couple years. But i went back and dad hugged me all teary eyed. ❤

Only thing is, now i cant spend time with him cos im poorly. And he got emphysema so i worry about him

Tell your dad its important to look after his health because you want him around when you get older

I highly highly recomend your dad or you look into osha root for the lungd

I told him i want him to be there at my wedding.

He has bbqs all the time but i guess its gud he got a one with a cover over. I cried wen i got told. Cos it stops smoke goin in the air.

Hes loves flying model aeroplanes too n i know the petrol fumes wont b helping

Thank u. Ill look into it n pass it on.

Even Omeprazole inhibits haemoglobin picking up oxygen. Ive learnt too much lol

Yes but in some ways flying model planes is nurishing his spirit and keeping him alive.
The smoking needs to stop.
Smoking is self hatred and more addictive than opoids.
It still needs to go

Oh he doesnt smoke he traded that for alcohol. I was talking about smoke from bbq.

Oooo.

Jetmoo.
Thank you for chatting.
Im a little tired but would love to talk again. Bless you

Aw its been really nice talking with u thank u. Bless u too. I guess its 1:30am over here so may be time for sleep lol
Thank u for spending some time with me. Its nice to have company

Always.
I wish I was 15 years younger.
Your great

Aw bless u lol :)

Eee that sounds like i love the sax more than my dad 😂 i meant that i love the sax more than my dad loves the sax

The sax is as expressive as the human voice.
I also love sax

My body aches. I’m stupid. I tired and I don’t wanna go to sleep. I don’t wanna eat my food. I don’t wanna do any of it. I’m aching for I come online so then I come back online to moan about it. I’m stupid. Why can’t I just do normal stuff n not feel bad for it. Stupid drs r supposed to help me. Grow them a brain cell in a agar dish lol

I’m tired of aching.im tired of professionals. I don’t want them, I’m tired proving I’m sick to people. I just want them to believe me.

I’m frightened. What if I lose my benefits and I lose my care and my home. I’m frightened. I have to stay hidden so people don’t see me incase they find out and think I don’t struggle to talk then o lose points for it and money and then I won’t have money to follow treatment or for care then I can be left to die.

I don’t wanna have to become unstable fighting for my life again. I can’t go back to my parents if I lost my home. Id end up taking my life if I had to live with them.

I’m supposed to remain calm and get carers to help when they come and worrying doesn’t help me... I dunno....

Carers said they would help me but I’m still frightened

What if my carer leaves the country? Cos brexit. Her partner is Portuguese and if he has to go she will go with him.

I get frightened of being left on my own. I get frightened. Not short term. But to be left.. unsupported to struggle. To be put at risk to try and have friends again. I get frightened. A boy came to my house once... he could have *****raped me. He went over the top of me and I was all on my own and blinds shut and he backed off. But what if he didn’t. anything could happen to me. I’m frightened I don’t want bad people hurt me. And the angel neighbour acros the road trying to financially abuse me selling me a faulty scooter and blaming it on me it not working properly.

I’m tired of it all. I don’t wanna be alone no more. I want to have friends like everyone else.

You got a friend here

Thank you :)
.. how can i manage when i go offline? How do i manage then? When i cant talk to people? My concept of time is bad and i spend too long online n it makes me bad. I got to send wifi hub down my mams.. otherwise i get carried away n gets harder to care for myself.

But then how can i connect with people?

I got aome friends i can text... but what about when i dont want to worry them?

I probably wont be online much next few days again.
Sometimes i get a moment or two of mobile data but its all used up so it then stops me. Sometimes i get a couple free moments..

My family are all going on holiday for 5 days without me. Again.

Mam gave me a xmas magazine. Only its mostly stuff that i cant get to enjoy like foods i cant eat and Xmas crackers i cant pull, kitchen stuff made of stainless steel. Great way to get the heavy metals in.. its a book of brainwashing the way i see it.

Im really not bothered about xmas. Just another opportunity to be on my own.

Everyone else can enjoy the fireworks and Halloween.

The kids are going in the water park this time. Last time id worked so hard to be well enough to go in and had an embassader helper person. I remember us looking for my my family who were gonna come in but werent there.

Sis was had with her EDS and bro in law his hand was healing from an accident. Dad with infection that alcohol feels and mam allergic to chlorine anyway.

Id bought a water proof camera to capture the times witb the kids who i didnt get to see enjoy the water park.

This time they get to go in. And im not there to see it. Or the school plays or easter hunts or the birthdays or the paddle pool days or making snowmen and snow angels. Or xmas. Or seeing my autistic nephew learning. When i first heard him say my name from the kitchen and that had been so far away for him the last id been with him. But now he talks and i couldnt go and praise him or celebrate. I just get to hear that he wants me ans im not there. They say he screams sometimes cos he wants me. Mam says he asked where i lived so he can visit.

My older nephew cried when i last saw him. He said he wondered if i was ever going to get better. We both cried and i pinky promised him i was going to get better. I said when was the last time we saw each other. About 2 years he said.

And my niece i havent seen or spoke with... since 2017. And it was brief.

Sis got me a make your own fairy garden. I cried so much cos that means i get to see and touch grass again.

But people havent had time. People didnt have time for me before I relapsed, the reason for my relapse. People dont have time now. What hope do i have for future.

Meanwhile sending emails to brick walls. Talking to myself loke i have done inside my mind for way too long. Isolation. You can scream and cry but they arent listening and they arent coming to save you. Whilst existing for everyone elses benefit.

Emails and letters. Hours and hours though day and night to write and paralysis in the floor for 2 hours, using a dummy to bite my pain into. Instead of my arms for the writing of emails and letters that i write to brick walls and told i dont need help. Asking for help is inappropriate. My reaching out for help is inappropriate and inconvenience for others.

Its no wonder my friend isnt here no more.

Carer sending letter to GP. Hoping he gets it. Hoping he does support letter for benefits b4 paternity leave and hols. Carer will ask for a copy of the letter he sent Speech and lang to show me.

I want to see if hes listening.. who knows maybe i will be surprised. Im just way too used to talking to brick walls.

Carer also sending letter to retrieve my data from various people including speech & lang.

If speech & lang tell social services that i dont struggle then u can guarantee they will tell benefits assessor and i can GO BK TO WORK.

I hope dr understands. I can dream!

Be careful