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Do you think being in love in a relationship is important?

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Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
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love, relationship, important
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Lano
last online: <time class="timeago" datetime="1713410299" title="Apr 18, 2024 3:18">Apr 18, 2024 3:18</time>
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Most people would think so.

Though i would suppose that depends why you are in the relationship, and what type of relationship it is.

For me it is.

Though i think the "in love" often comes just from being in a relationship long enough.

Van morrison
lirou
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Thanks for replying :)
I actually didn't intend for the post to be anonymous but I guess it doesn't matter.

I know its important to many people but I was wondering how often people are actually "in love" in their relationships or if they're mostly in it for other reasons like kids, money, loneliness, etc. Being in love is ideal of course. I just don't know how realistic it is for the average person, especially once there are kids and work and real, everyday life becomes the priority. It's interesting you point out that being in love usually comes from being in a relationship long enough. My experience has been the opposite of that most times, like the longer I know the person, the less "in love" I feel, but I guess that's not really being in love then is it?

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Lano
last online: <time class="timeago" datetime="1713410299" title="Apr 18, 2024 3:18">Apr 18, 2024 3:18</time>
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Okay then, here's the long answer

lirou wrote:
Thanks for replying :)
I actually didn't intend for the post to be anonymous but I guess it doesn't matter.

I know its important to many people but I was wondering how often people are actually "in love" in their relationships or if they're mostly in it for other reasons like kids, money, loneliness, etc. Being in love is ideal of course. I just don't know how realistic it is for the average person, especially once there are kids and work and real, everyday life becomes the priority. It's interesting you point out that being in love usually comes from being in a relationship long enough. My experience has been the opposite of that most times, like the longer I know the person, the less "in love" I feel, but I guess that's not really being in love then is it?

I don't have a diverse experience with relationships. I've only dated two women, both long term relationships, one of whom I am still dating. So in that sense I do not think my experience is ideal for answering certain questions about love. Take that as a disclaimer.

I do not think I was in love in the first relationship, and I don't think we ever said "I love you." I liked her but I don't think the feelings were symmetrical if that makes sense. We dated for about nine months or so. It wasn't a bad relationship but I think we both felt at a certain point that it "wasn't going anywhere" which what the heck does that mean anyway, I don't think anyone knows, but it seemed to be our consensus.

It was for the best, because I don't think spending more time in the relationship would have made the in love feeling happen.

With my current gf we've been dating for like three years now and I do not feel like the "in loveness" once I realized it happened, has really altered in terms of magnitude in anyway. Sometimes she does stuff that bugs me which makes the "in loveness" feeling recede into the background because I'm annoyed at her or something but after I'm over it it comes back.

There is a type of insecurity for me, which I have experienced in both my relationships, of "Do they really like/love me or are they just really dry for a relationship and I was the best option that came along?" Which is a terrible thing to think but like I said, I'm insecure about things sometimes. My point is, clearly whether or not I am not only in love, but also that the other person feels the same way, is VERY important to me.

Why? I'm not sure. People aren't robots, we're not completely logical. I could wax philosophical on that but I'll end my reply here.

Van morrison
lirou
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Well you have pretty good relationship insight, even with the disclaimer ๐Ÿ˜„

At some point most people do want a relationship to progress or "go somewhere" I would think. Maybe thats primarily a female thing though?

I've been in a very up and down, on and off relationship for years, never married, but I know I'm not in love anymore and haven't been for quite awhile. I've stayed or gone back at times because of our kids and life circumstances. I was just wondering how common it is for people to stay in a relationship for reasons like that, besides being "in love" and did/do they regret it? You know you'll hear some adults say their parents stuck it out even when things weren't great and it wound up being a good thing and others will say their parents hated each other and growing up was miserable. My biggest concern is the example it sets for my kids I guess. I'd rather they see their parents 100% happy, even if its not together. I do personally think being in love is important in a relationship and kinda the whole point. Being on the same page in life, wanting the same things, is just as important.

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Lano
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Well, kids in the picture is different. It complicates things.

The perspective I would offer as one who was once a kid is that I tend to agree about kids wanting to see their parents happy.

My parents never liked eachother, and I don't think living with them gave us a good example on meaningful and effective conflict resolution, since they were bad at it.

The thought of my parents divorcing was an interesting, if not completely welcome prospect to me, and at points in my childhood I thought it would be inevitable.

It's still somewhat mysterious to me that my parents ever got married in the first place. They're still together and I at this point I'd rather they be together because they're so old I think it would be hard for both of them to be alone. I mean, they're not that old, late sixties and seventy, but still.

Van morrison
lirou
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Sorry, I abandoned my own post there for a minute. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply. Your last one especially gave me a lot to think about, so thank you. I think this site should be called Lanohelps. com ๐Ÿ˜‰

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