It is not simple, no.. :/
But you DO have a choice!
And you can choose happiness..

I dont think its that simple
I might not have a choice
But I hope I can be here for it

You will be there..!
You are stronger than you think
You are better than you know
You are not only a survivor,
but you are an overcomer,
you are loving and caring,
and you will succeed! ;)

And we will be celebrating together x

I dont think I'll be around for it
But I'm happy
Sad if I cant be here

Oh! :) Hope you are happy about it

My cat eleanor is pregnant
Due August 1st

Glad about that :)

..i've got too many things to sort out, so for my break i come here to check on folks.

How are your pets? How is your puppy doing?

I'm okay. How are you?

Hi, how are you? xx

:) hope it went well!

Yeah I went to work today
Havent for 2 or 3 weeks. But went back today

Glad about that :)
I'm okayish, thank you.
Did you have a good wknd? Do you still work on Sundays?

I'm okay
How are you

Hello, how are you doing, Nevermind?

Oh, thanks, please dont worry, i dont know why they invited you. And you are absolutely right xx

Im glad you have your pets and they bring you joy! I have two rabbits.

Hope your pets will continue to make you happy enough to want to fight for a better life. I am really sorry people hurt you :( recovery is hard, but i hope you will heal and get to enjoy life fully!

Thank you for your messages, it means a lot. If i can help you in any way, please let me know. xx

I'm just a little suicidal
Not alot
Just eager to open my other arm. But more eager to be home with my Pets so that out weighs it right now

I havent read your post yet even though I was invited too cause I have been busy. I'll try to tomorrow. But I saw its abuse which sounds bad.
I feel like I dont have much advice because I like most the people who hurted me but the people who hurted me werent boyfriend
And if a boy is hurting you should not have to cope with it cause he is being bad.

But I didnt read all the details so I may be assuming.
You domt need a boy I'm your life if they are just gonna hurt you

People hurt me. So I get pets. My pets dont hurt me.
Do you have pets?

Still suicidal? :( hug

im not good; not copying...

Kinda sleepy. Kinda suicidal
You?

Yay, great! :) how are you feeling?

I just got home

Oh, when will you get home?

Okay. I'm eager to get home.

Hiya, how are things? <3

Hi, sorry Im thinking about you, but my laptop is being repaired, phone not working and on the top my car's broken down, aaargh..so struggle to get here! How are you and things with your mom?

Yeah I talk to my friend

:( oh, mom's are not perfect! Im sorry she hurt you. I get it so wrong with my daughter.. :/ Are you able to talk to someone about it? Sending hugs

My mom upset me again though. Makes me feel tested to carry out my plan tonight
Everything is ready.
I know that's not what she meant but i feel like now better thatshe said what she said

Fantastic! :)

Got it back

Oh, funny you write this, because a similar thing happened to me on the old help site! I thought a guy was writing to me and it turned out to be a lady! :D but we became good friends, and so glad she rejoint the site as well.

Nice to have someone supportive who understands!

Any news on your phone?

Yeah hes really nice. I totally thought he was a she for 2 months. Which is funny now that i think about it.
But I was too timid to directly ask questions sometimes and because of that i made some silly mistakes like not asking his gender or how old he is. Simple stuff but yeah hes a pretty cool friend to have. Hes consistently there which is nice.

Yes, young pwoplw are good at their smart phones. Im so sorry about your phone! Hope they will find it. Insis on reporting it to the police..

Glad yeti's become your friend. :)

I am happy. I have my pets and my friend and even yeti has became a friend.

I wish i had my cell. I rather than do typing and help qa on there

Aaaw, thank you. Had to get off my daughter's computer, find it hard to type on my mobile.

Is there anything which would help you want to search for happiness? Someone? :)

I could help if you need a friend to vent

I don't know what safety plan is. And I am sorry you feel tricked by him :( I found them all very hard to deal with, too.

At the moment for me all keeps falling apart and there are no friends which could help. But I have people pryaing for me, thanks

I like my therapist. I dont like that i feel tricked by him. He wants me to be in inpatient. and he asked me to speak to the crisis team in person. Since i dont feel comfortable calling them. He thought if i met them id be more comfortable. But actually i feel tricked because crisis said they are forcing me into do a safety plan and such because i talked to them rather then my therapist. SO i feel my therapist kinda misled me to get me on a safety plan.

Do you have any friends?

Oh, I'm sorry that you don't find him being supportive :( Don't you want to try talking to someone else? There are so many helplines out there?

I don't have anyone helping apart of my daughter. :/ My car's broken down, trying to rent one so can go to work tomorrow, and don't have money to repair mine.. and then another at least dozen serious problems.

I hope you will reach out and will be able to talk to someone about your plans. Please!

I was able to speak a little. He has me seeing him tomorrow and the 14th but im so irritated with him i dont think ill speak with him. Other than show up to keep myself being hospitalized.

Why arnt you coping? Do you have people to help ?

Oh, have you been able to talk to your therapist about this then? I am sorry you are agitated :( But glad cats and pup are okay!

I'm dealing with too many things and not copying. :/

I dont joke about my suicide. Except with family. I am honest on here and in therapy.
I only joke about it when I can't tell the truth about it.

Im rather agitated today by Crisis and even my therapist. But other than that i've continued some plans. Cleaned up. Have to do dishes and shower then i'll be set. Not sure when i'll die. But im okay.
My cats and pup are doing okay.

How are you?

Hope you are ok! :(

Im rubbish with suicidal people, sorry! How are your cats and puppy? I held a kitten today! :D

Just found your shout, Nevermind. A part of me thinks this is just a joke, but the other part is telling me you are serious about this! :(

Whoa, if you can go into this much planning and detail about dying, why not living?! :(

Trigger warning i guess. So if your having a bad day don't read.
I'd whisper it so you dont gotta look at it but I forgot how.

I painted my nails. A step to looking nicer for when I die.
If i die. I feel uncertain about date.
I have dbt tomorrow.
If i dont fo I'll get calls.
Wednesday i guess would be ideal.
Tuesday night. Then ill have all night uuntil the mid afternoon to die. Or at least be beyond the point of pumping my stomach. I don't think they did last time cause itwas too late but imn unsure. Afraid to ask mom as its sore subject.
But then. If I wait till the weekend i can get ny hands on alcohol. Not sure if I wanna go that route because then people will say my decisionwas made because of the alcohol. I also dont want to be disrespected by medical and police as just a drunk
But if I'm dead why do i care?
I am thinking of alchohol has a helpful thing. Make the pills more dangerous. Make the arm slicing more easy. If yourdrunk your clumsy dulled to pain a little bit.
But maybe jll get drunk and it wont be help full
Maybe I'll be loud or someone jeopardizing everything. So i dunno. If i wait till the 16th i can get med refills. I have over a 100 but each day i wait to take my life I lessen my supply as the meds help me so sometimes have to take them
The less I have saved the less my chance to die.
Do I wanna wait that long though?
If i wait that long I'll have to restock supplies.
Right now if i did I'm good on supplies.
But if wait that long I'll have to restock and redo preparation
If I wait till the end of June I can play a video game I preordered. That sounds stupid as hell but that's why I put off killing myself till December 9th. A video game i preordered came out end of November and I wanted to play it before dying.

But that's very far away.
Then i got to think about the consequences of my actions. Can they handle cleaning up my left behind messes.Today my mom said she couldnt handle my pup. Gives me doubts. I should probably stay and train her but I dont think I can wait that long. I figured my mom would keep Vega as the other 2 dogs are very old and one isnt gonna be here much longer but maybe I should make an ad for her too.
I'm afraid if I survive of the anger and consequences of my actions. Mom told me last time 4 cats is too much for her.And she didnt even groom them. I dint have the birds or the pup.The birds are simple. feed and water twice week.Change paper once a week. All you gotta do with the cats is feed and water every day
I've been giving them all haircuts so mom doesnt have to groom and plenty of time and food even if she doesn't rehome right away.
I cant be alive and live without the cats. But I've tried to make things simple for when I die.

Part of me wants to see if family reach out on my birthday.The other part knows I'll be very upset and I want that fuel to make sure i really die when commit suicide

I want to have this conversation with my therapist but im not scheduled to see him till the 18th and I dont think I'll wait that long. Part of me wants to call crisis cause they know me.But they will probably call the police even thoughh tonight im not in danger. Police will take me to hospital or atleast raise the alarm bells. I dont qant ro try to kill myself when people are on high alert.

I'm just kinda tryinto stay prepared and hoping kill wake up and just know when its "the day"
Last time i just knew
didnt even cry. Nothing had me upset it was as a good week. I just all sudden knew it was the day.

Nice to read you are ok! :) i had a long and busy day.. more work to do, but i keep going xx

I'm okay. How are you?

Hi, how are things today? xx

Yes, im not good with trigger warnings, so don't post myself, but on bed days the triggers do help me - i avoid reading posts with triggers which i know i wouldnt cope with.

And you can still write that you are really struggling to battle suicidal thinking..

I wish i knew how to show you light! I lost too many people to suicide, it hurts so much! :(

I have to go out for a while, but i will check here soon..

Helping a friend to look after her pets and a husband while she is away. He's been bedridden for the past 18 years! :/

Be back soon xx