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Straight/Bi men: Have you ever met a woman that made you have trouble trusting women generally or wish you weren't into women anymore?

Gay men: Have you ever met a man that made you have trouble trusting men generally or wish you weren't gay anymore?


What did you do to fix it?

If you're a female and had this happen to you because of another man or woman feel free to chime in too.

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Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
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As a straight man, to answer whether I ever wished I was not straight because of an experience with a woman, the answer is no. though I grew up in a time and place where the kids in class used terms like "gay" and others as insults. So I'm sure that is something that has been absorbed into my subconscious for the worse.

As far as if I had experiences that made me trust women less...absolutely.

Probably the most traumatic was experiences in elementary school where I was bullied by a group of girls. It did give me trust issues when it comes to women.

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Lano wrote:
As a straight man, to answer whether I ever wished I was not straight because of an experience with a woman, the answer is no. though I grew up in a time and place where the kids in class used terms like "gay" and others as insults. So I'm sure that is something that has been absorbed into my subconscious for the worse.

As far as if I had experiences that made me trust women less...absolutely.

Probably the most traumatic was experiences in elementary school where I was bullied by a group of girls. It did give me trust issues when it comes to women.

Just so not to be confusing I'd like to clarify I am not asking if women have ever made you question your sexual orientation. But has any ever made you unable to trust women in the future. How did you go about trusting again? At the point of no trust, you'd be totally alone and unable to move on with someone else.

It doesn't even matter the details of what she did to make you so unable to trust women. Have you ever had an experience like that? That made you unable to trust ANY woman going forward? If so how did you get passed that?

Has anyone ever hurt you to the point you didn't feel like you could even try again? Hurt you bad enough that no woman, even though you're totally straight, can be trusted to be with?

Even if you've been burned so many times you felt like giving up. That could be relevant here.


What do you do when you can't imagine going through it again?


Just give up, and be alone the rest of your life? o.O

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I've sadly had trouble trusting men most of my life, just due to my experiences with about 97% of them. I basically feel like the character Carin from Patch Adams...almost every man I've come across since the age of 6 - hasn't really given me much respect or allowance to my own autonomy.

It may have somewhat contributed to the fact that I discovered in my mid-20's that I'm asexual too, and why I'm pushing 40 and still haven't had consensual ***sex. I've wanted to, but it requires a lot more trust, and when former childhood friends, and even family members have broken and betrayed that trust...it makes it all the more difficult.

But I think recently, I may have found a good one, and he hasn't turned out to be sexually deranged domestic violence type...at least not yet. Lol. So I'm holding out for hope, and thankfully, he knows the baggage I carry already But we've known each other since high school 20 years ago and just reconnected years later, so I guess that helps? Probably the only decent guy I met in that entire town too, but then the bar's not real high.

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As a woman, I would have trouble trusting a man who claims to be straight, but is secretly bi. When they do that, they take the choice away from a woman as to what risks she's willing to take with her health and her heart. If you're into dudes too, be honest about it!

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Aria wrote:
I've sadly had trouble trusting men most of my life, just due to my experiences with about 97% of them. I basically feel like the character Carin from Patch Adams...almost every man I've come across since the age of 6 - hasn't really given me much respect or allowance to my own autonomy.

It may have somewhat contributed to the fact that I discovered in my mid-20's that I'm asexual too, and why I'm pushing 40 and still haven't had consensual ***sex. I've wanted to, but it requires a lot more trust, and when former childhood friends, and even family members have broken and betrayed that trust...it makes it all the more difficult.

But I think recently, I may have found a good one, and he hasn't turned out to be sexually deranged domestic violence type...at least not yet. Lol. So I'm holding out for hope, and thankfully, he knows the baggage I carry already But we've known each other since high school 20 years ago and just reconnected years later, so I guess that helps? Probably the only decent guy I met in that entire town too, but then the bar's not real high.

I am upset that your reply eluded to anything that may have been betrayed or possibly even non-consensual in your past. I truly figured we'd be analyzing the sexes and former relationships and maybe figure out why we sometimes just don't understand each other.

Those reasons are certainly valid trust concerns and I am over-joyed that you've found someone who can help you turn that around. It's great if he is taking it slow with you and actually building a trusting relationship. That's the way to do it!

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Anonymous wrote:
As a woman, I would have trouble trusting a man who claims to be straight, but is secretly bi. When they do that, they take the choice away from a woman as to what risks she's willing to take with her health and her heart. If you're into dudes too, be honest about it!

Not always. Maybe if they're unable to commit to you. But any man could potentially end up having commitment issues.

My ex is a bi male. I was his first boyfriend and he had never been with a female before. I knew he was bi before we got serious and to be honest, I'd feel kinda like I'm cheating him out of an important experience if it worked out we stayed together the rest of our lives. How could I be okay with him never having the opportunity to be with a female? So I told him to, I wanted him to, it's an experience he should have. I was truly okay with it. But, he never did. Because he was committed to our relationship. A loyalty I'll never feel I deserve again from anyone.

But he could do it. For almost a decade he was emotionally committed to it.

Just because someone is bi doesn't mean he's taking anything away from you.
If he's really about you and wants a monogamous relationship with you then that's what will happen.

If it doesn't work out because he ends up doing a dude during your relationship with him, maybe it is just a mistake. Sometimes you feel really confident you can stick with things and half way through it goes unexpected. That's true of your job, your car, your relationships, your life lol

I don't know how to tell the difference between someone who will be that committed to you or not. I wouldn't be able to tell even for myself. There didn't seem to be a science behind it, it's just the way he is. I got lucky and if I wasn't such a piece of shyt, I would have realized what I had before I threw it away.

But my point is, there's nothing bad or wrong or risky about dating a bi man. Even if he chooses not to discuss that part of his life with you(although honesty is the best policy of course in any case). But he may be just as committed to you or not either way.

I totally see what you're saying if he goes behind your back to be with men though. That is wrong and very un-trustworthy behavior if you've agreed to monogamy. But he can do that whether he tells you he's bi or not. A straight man can do that with other women. You don't have a problem really with their sexual orientation I don't think. You have a problem with trusting if they'll slip out behind your back. Maybe some men have given you good reason and that'd be a shame. Being secretly actively bi in a monogamous relationship with you is not cool

Generally though, I have to disagree that he's taking anything away by being bi or even not disclosing it though. Unless he's just a cheating liar. But again really nothing to do with sexual orientation.

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