HelpQA Tags Search FAQ
Start a New Post Chat Login & Registration
Fb img 1600821388622
Nevermind
last online: 02/20, 6:06
Verified User (6 years, 10 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout0

Agitated.


I called and set up an appointment and they couldn't get me in for 2 and a half months. So I waited.
I didnt have the courage or strength to call in my ride but finally with 3 weeks till my appointment I called only to be told I'm no longer eligible.
Confused. Because my insurance should cover it I called health and human services. They asked if they needed to set up a ride for me. But I said first I need to make sure my insurance is valid.
They transferred my call to billing but I only got a voicemail saying they wanted a reference number and I didn't have one so flustered I hung up.
A week goes by of me asking my mom to call or take me in person and she doesnt. Finally she is headed out that way anyway so I get ready. I ask her when we are leaving and she says 15 minutes. I go downstairs and start lacing my shoes up and she leaves without me.
Upset I give up.
Finally it's one week till my appointment. I need this. I call again and ask if they can help set me up a ride. With or without insurance I'm going, come what may.
But now they say "We no longer do transportation"
Upset I hung up.
Then I call back a couple minutes later and ask to speak with Dr Sorem my phycatrist. She only comes on Wednesdays and guess what day it is? They say they can give me the nurse. So they transfer me. Nurse doesnt pick up. The voicemail says to ask your medicine related question and leave your information.
I dont have a medicine related question but I leave my information.

I have tried everything. I am relying on those meds so I can work my new job, enjoy my upcoming vacation, and not kill myself. Also I've been super depressed. Can't even find the words most days to have any kind of conversation.
Im forced to stick around because I have to raise these kittens. But they are going home, and the holidays are coming. I need to be in control. I go outside at 2 or 3am and the air is perfect. The stars are bright,the light breeze, dark yet I can see. Reminds me of the worst days with my dad. When the only safe time was 2 or 3am. When I'd sneak out for a few hours just go to the park and swing, or stand by the lake thinking of walking in and drowning. Wanting run away but fearing I'll be found.
Yet it's a pleasant feeling because it feels like the perfect day, place and time to die. I just want to go kiss my cats. And walk out side. I'll be warm from the blood yet cold.
Its tempting. But I'm trying to be responsible for the lives. My brain tells me to live everyday as though I wont have tomorrow. But I'm not doing that. I'm living everyday knowing if I die right now I'm leaving a ****shit storm for someone else to clean up. That's not what I like. It feels irresponsible. But once I head down the path of preparing to not be here tomorrow I will eventually try to end my life simply because the timing is right and everything is ready.

This is the most effort I've ever put into it and I just feel like I have a door slammed in my face.
I know I may get my meds and not be okay. But for now, I'm telling myself once I have my meds I'll be okay.

I just don't think I can do it without when its the most difficult time of year for me.

This closed post was written |
Views: 15, Subscribers: 2 |
Leave a reply | Report Post

⇩ Zoom to bottom
Reciprocity (0)
Reciprocity
Since writing this post Nevermind may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
Post Tags (5)
time, call, meds, ride, insurance
Replies (3)
Helpbot
HelpBot
last online: 11/12, 21:32
Verified User (8 years, 2 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(0 minutes after post)
Suicide Prevention Lifeline

If you are contemplating suicide, hurting yourself, or you are seriously depressed: please, seek professional help!

Call this hotline (1-800-273-8255) operated by our friends at the Suicide Prevention Lifeline, anytime, for free, professional, and confidential assistance. While other Helpers are likely to reply to your post, please make sure you understand that your use of Help-QA.com falls under our TOS.

Note: I'm a robot that the Help-QA creators programmed. If this response is in error, I apologize, please ignore it.

Nevermind edited this post .

Agitated. ¬ I called and set up an appointment and they couldn't get me in for 2 and a half months. So I waited.¬ I didnt have the courage or strength to call in my ride but finally with 3 weeks till my appointment I called only to be told I'm no longer eligible.¬ Confused. Because my insurance should cover it I called health and human services. They asked if they needed to set up a ride for me. But I said first I need to make sure my insurance is valid.¬ They transferred my call to billing but I only got a voicemail saying they wanted a reference number and I didn't have one so flustered I hung up.¬ A week goes by of me asking my mom to call or take me in person and she doesnt. Finally she is headed out that way anyway so I get ready. I ask her when we are leaving and she says 15 minutes. I go downstairs and start lacing my shoes up and she leaves without me.¬ Upset I give up. ¬ Finally it's one week till my appointment. I need this. I call again and ask if they can help set me up a ride. With or without insurance I'm going, come what may.¬ But now they say "We no longer do transportation"¬ Upset I hung up.¬ Then I call back a couple minutes later and ask to speak with Dr Sorem my phycatrist. She only comes on Wednesdays and guess what day it is? They say they can give me the nurse. So they transfer me. Nurse doesnt pick up. The voicemail says to ask your medicine related question and leave your information.¬ I dont have a medicine related question but I leave my information.¬ ¬ I have tried everything. I am relying on those meds so I can work my new job, enjoy my upcoming vacation, and not kill myself. Also I've been super depressed. Can't even find the words most days to have any kind of conversation.¬ Im forced to stick around because I have to raise these kittens. But they are going home, and the holidays are coming. I need to be in control. I go outside at 2 or 3am and the air is perfect. The stars are bright,the light breeze, dark yet I can see. Reminds me of the worst days with my dad. When the only safe time was 2 or 3am. When I'd sneak out for a few hours just go to the park and swing, or stand by the lake thinking of walking in and drowning. RunningWanting run away but fearing I'll be found.¬ Yet it's a pleasant feeling because it feels like the perfect day, place and time to die. I just want to go kiss my cats. And walk out side. I'll be warm from the blood yet cold.¬ Its tempting. But I'm trying to be responsible for the lives. My brain tells me to live everyday as though I wont have tomorrow. But I'm not doing that. I'm living everyday knowing I'll be found.¬ Yet it's a pleasant feeling because it feels like the perfect day, place and time to die. I just want to go kiss my cats. And walk out side. I'll be warm from the blood yet cold.¬ Its tempting. But I'm trying to be responsible for the lives. My brain tells me to live everyday as though I wont have tomorrow. But I'm not doing that. I'm living everyday knowing if I die right now I'm leaving a shit storm for someone else to clean up. That's not what I like. It feels irresponsible. But once I head down the path of preparing to not be here tomorrow I will eventually try to end my life simply because the timing is right and everything is ready.¬ ¬ This is the most effort I've ever put into it and I just feel like I have a door slammed in my face.¬ I know I may get my meds and not be okay. But for now, I'm telling myself once I have my meds I'll be okay.¬ ¬ I just don't think I can do it without when its the most difficult time of year for me.

Roccoflip
Rockster160
last online: 11/07, 8:58
Help-QA Admin
Verified User (7 years, 2 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(2 hours after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

That sounds super agitating. 🙁

Is it possible for you to catch an Uber or some other ride sharing/public transport?

Fb img 1600821388622
Original Poster
Nevermind
last online: 02/20, 6:06
Verified User (6 years, 10 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(2 hours after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

Where I live there isnt public transport.and uber is very expensive. 30 dollars one way

This post has been closed. Thanks for stopping by!
⇧ Zoom to top

Help-QA supports basic Markdown, emoji 😁, and tagging friends with @username!

To use this site you must be 13 years or older and occasionally submit your email address. Your email address is only shared with your explicit permission.

Home Page - Privacy Policy - Terms of Service - Feedback