If you are obsessing over another person while being in a relationship, it sounds like there are issues in the relationship that need to addressed first. Do you have a tendency to obsess or is it just with this person? Is it really about this person or something else? I think those are things you could consider in trying to get to the bottom of it. Obsession over anything tends to be more self-reflective than not.

This is good. Thanks.

My partner doesn't communicate at all, or really do anything except watch TV and play video games alone. I'm lonely.

This other person wears their heart on their sleeve, listens, shares thoughts and feelings, and I have no reason to believe is interested in me.

I don't tend to obsess, I'm usually usually pretty chill.

I’m sorry you’re going through such a hard time with your partner. That can be really frustrating, and honestly, I myself have fantasized about exes, people on the internet, etc. when I’m unhappy in my relationship.

You need to take a good, hard look at your life and your partner. What are the positives and negatives about your relationship? What do you each bring to the table? Bc if you’re unhappy, and nothing is changing... it definitely will stay that way unless you either 1. Leave or 2. Talk to your partner.

Also - keep in mind that on the internet, we all have time to think about what we’re going to say to one another. I can review this post several times before hitting the send button. So what you’re seeing here, or on a different site, is really that person’s best face.

This 👆👆👆👆 is a very good premise to start by. Most councilors also ask, "Where do you see yourself in 5 years."
You should talk to your partner and discuss this picture and ask if playing video games is going to get you there.
Hopefully someone will wake up.

I know it's a fantasy, but being obsessed is a nice feeling. It's like being "in love". It makes me walk around with a smile on my face.

But my fear is that I'll say or do something to upset my partner or drive away this other friend who I value as a friend first and most importantly.

My partner is kind and generous, and aside from lack of communication and participation in the household, I have no complaints.

And we've got young kids.

Put yourself in your partner’s shoes. If your partner were in the same situation, how would you feel?

Have you thought about some sort of marriage counseling? It might be helpful. No one is happy with every aspect of their partner’s personality, but if there are only a few things you’re unhappy with, and you have young children, the scale is heavily tipped towards staying with your partner. So you need to work on your relationship.

Sit your partner down and tell them how you feel. A lack of communication is death to a relationship. Of course, don’t tell them about your developing feelings for this person online. That would just hurt them and not solve anything.

But please take a break from talking to this person online for the sake of your own mental health at the very least. You’re creating a fantasy world in your head and it will hurt you in the long run.

I agree with Araz about the therapy and figuring this out with your partner. There must have been this same feeling or connection with your partner at some point and it's just been lost. You can get it back but it takes effort on both sides. That could be more of a reason you are looking outside of the relationship than anything. It may not be specifically about that other person, but what you are missing from the person youre with. If that is worth salvaging, it will require real daily work to make it what you want it to be again.

And it probably would be helpful to "ban" yourself from that other person for a bit, so you can get some perspective and remember what's important.

I want to add though, if and once you do go through the process of trying to fix or rebuild things and you feel it isn't going anywhere, there is nothing wrong with being brutally honest with yourself and putting your personal happiness first. I don't subscribe to the idea that people have to stay together due to certain life situations. Sometimes you are better off recognizing that you have both changed and grown to the point you barely recognize each other. That can happen.

I'm not the most exciting person in the world either.

But I do at least cook, clean, shop, take care of kids, and try to keep the house in some semblance of order.

A typical workday for my partner: wake up, walk there dog, go to work and play on Facebook all day, come home and immediately go to computer or TV and stay there until supper is ready. After eating, return to computer or TV until sleep. On non-work days, the same except without going to work.

I can't imagine living like that. It seems so depressing. I can't imagine sitting without moving or speaking for hours at a time. I mean, at that point why even bother breathing?

When I suggest going out or doing things, he sometimes says ok but then continues to not move until it becomes too late. Other times he just says no.

I have to add that I'm not interested in having physical intimacy with a stranger, and my partner has become a stranger. It would be weird and awkward and gross.

Not that I'd have ***sex with the other person either. I realize that's just fantasy, nothing to ever put into action. I don't even know this other person, only online and my imagination.

The computer thing IS defintely an issue. You do have to wonder if it's really making them happy to be spending their time that way or are they avoiding real, everyday life for a reason?

My biggest concern here if it were me would be the lack of attention being given to the kids and help with the kids. Even if you don't work outside the home, you are doing a 24/7 unpaid job and they should be helping with that work. Im sure it would be nice to actually do things as a family too wouldn't it? What are the kids missing in all this also? Kids want to see their parents happy and happy parents are usually more involved in their kids lives.

It sounds like a serious talk needs to be had. It's unlikely to change unless it is addressed head on and you don't deserve to be neglected or miserable because of the way this other person is choosing to spend their time. They need a wake up call.

For the example I'm using, addictions to technology began with the T.V.

People rescheduled their entire lives around it.

T.V. IS an experience of dreaming while you're awake.

While you sleep, your Alpha wave pattern drops off and the Beta waves begin.

But, when you watch T.V. it throws your brain into a Beta wave-like trance.

The chemistry involved with that is much like $#x. If it weren't for chemistry of the brain during $#xua! arousal, the reward of pleasure wouldn't really exist.

Beta waves arouse pleasure. The events on the screen determines it's intensity and there is a long standing correlation between pleasure and violence.

Then, the advent of home video game system came out in the mid 70's with Atari's Pong and Break Out. It was the thing to do - fun for friends and the whole family! But, it kept people inside and plugged in.
Other game companies quickly emerged. Nintendo. Sony PlayStation. Etc.

Later, the entire concept of what a television was changed. It was no longer an archaic ball of electricity and glass but a high resolution flat screen of tiny pixels.

It was more inviting to the retina of the eye, which also increased the the Beta wave signal in the brain.

And, the nature of video games changed with controversy with games like Doom and Duke Nuk'em.

The violence in movies, the violence in video games has maintained a status quo with each other to ensure balance.

And the chemical pleasures involved from the two are highly effective.

Who gets pleasure from going out anymore - what does reality have to offer when we live in a world where the only dream you will live is through a 52" inch high def screen and a Nintendo game cube? No sense in comming up for air.

But....THEY knew things like this would happen. Yes indeed. So they created an IV to bandage the problem and called it a smartphone.

Now, you had a reason to wake up and walk out the door. It made going out more bearable because of wireless... everything.
You can walk and talk and still live in the dreamworld that only the Beta bubble can give.

It's not "like" drug addiction, it is drug addiction.

Lots of people have done cocaine but fewer people have done crack (a smokable form of coke). But, that's all you want when you're hooked. You don't even want $ex because it brings no pleasure - it's reduced to a physical function.

The largest group of addicts are people addicted to their electronic devices. The drug dealer isn't behind the store in the alleyway - it IS the store itself.

Now, look at all the symptoms of this drug laden world. Always tired, walking zombies whose faces cast a blue screen glow, etc.

Technology is drug addiction.

And there's a lot of depression involved with that.

@BA1 I think you're right about it being addiction, or it could possibly be depression. (I'd certainly be depressed if I lived like that!)

He has always enjoyed watching lots of TV shows and spending hours on video games. I'm not sure when it replaced life. I think it was gradual, imperceptible, and now here we are.

I can try to talk to him, but I really doubt it will change anything. Even when we travel, his face is constantly in his phone. What can a person do about a partner who is addicted to LCD screens?

On a positive note, the partner was reading my Twitter yesterday evening. I think he's trying to build a relationship with me in his own way. He even asked me about something I had Tweeted a while back that he didn't understand.

The kind depression that is linked with screen addiction is not the same as clinical depression although it could be up to a point.

People who are high achievers set goals. Generally hard work, a go-get-'em drive and time eventually accomplishes these goals (or main goal.)
It is afterward wherein the depression - or anticlimax sets in. The pursuit of accomplishment involves the reward of pleasure(s) within the journey. Once the goal is accomplished, and the journey ended so is the pleasure and the anticipitation. The only thing left is the benefit of what the goal brings, itself.
Bear in mind, this is what happens to goal oriented, highly successful people....

The trouble with screen addiction (especially with video game addiction) is it brings a false sense of accomplishment that feels no different than what happens to highly successful people. The only difference being, there is nothing of substance to benefit by and the thought of starting a real life goal becomes mentally exhausting.
Unless a person makes it a driving point in their life to overcome the odds, people tend to remain in their zone of comfort.
The only thing required at that point, is a minimum effort to exist.

"Unless a person makes it a driving point in their life to overcome the odds, people tend to remain in their zone of comfort.
The only thing required at that point, is a minimum effort to exist"

That's what I thought.

I can accept it, or leave. I'm not happy with either option.

You don't have to accept it. You can have a really honest conversation about the issue before you consider leaving as an option though. They need to understand fully what their lack of participation in everyday life is having on other people in the family. I've dealt with something similar and I knew I definitely wasn't dealing with an overachiever of any kind. He was just opting out of being a parent and a partner and there are lots of ways to do that. The conversation will definitely be uncomfortable but I would really verbalize the effect its having on myself and kids in the situation before I just left. You have that right, even if its just to express yourself in the end and nothing changes as a result. At least you tried.

So now some new person in the partner's office is hounding him to get legally married.

It's been five years. I was calling him my husband before, until he made it clear that he didn't think of us that way so I switched to calling him "partner". And now he wants to file papers with the government? It might save on federal income tax, but it would increase the cost of health insurance, if nothing else, the deductible for each person. Besides, it's none of the government's damn business who is with who! And I'm not sure I am content with the way things are anyway, even without all that.

Starting difficult conversations is not something I look forward to.

Yeah, I wouldn't even entertain a conversation about marriage when you have the doubts you do already. Who wants to get married to save on income taxes? Just think that having that difficult conversation only requires a short period of being really uncomfortable, compared to years of being downright miserable. It will likely and hopefully prompt things to change for the better and if it doesn't, you know where you stand and can go from there.

I consider myself to be a product of divorce. This means, as a boy of youth, my parents were married and then they divorced.
Given the general understanding of what marriage is, divorce to me meant mom and dad would no longer be together.
You may not be married on real life, but your kids may not have that view at the elementary level. They only know that "mom" and "dad have been together.
And, regardless of the idiosyncrasies of one parent or the other, no one can fill the gap of the original.
New relationships can become battle zones laden with land mines in the form of trust issues for the kids.
It works like this; someone's leaving and taking the kids with them. Though torn, the kids can adjust to this by resigning all doubts of trust to the one parent. They put their full dependency on (not two, but) one parent, based on the comfort of familiarity.....
That trust becomes compromised when the primary parent enters into a new relationship. A type of distress occurrs because one parent may have left the other, but no "betrayal" has occurred because of a person outside of the familiar.
Dad leaves mom to go to work but doesn't betray mom by seeing another woman.
Mom leaves dad to go shopping bit doesn't betray dad by seeing another man.
It is that very mentality which is extended when one parent "leaves" the other. The power structure mentally remains uncompromized.
The faith-based percentages look like this;
100% trust in the original relationship (a relationship where there is no physical abuse or mental terror).
1000% trust when the parent that has custody embarks from the house.
Down to 12% trust (or less) when the primary parent enters into a new relationship. What was sacrid completely evaporates when the relationship dynamic is no longer recognizable.

I can neither suggest you stay or go. That is decidedly up to you.