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Happy earth
smiley
last online: 11/26, 18:47
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Should I have an extramarital affair?

Obviously I shouldn't, but I really need to look at why I want to. It just feels really good to be wanted. I needed to shout this into the void; thanks for listening.

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Since writing this post smiley may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
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wanted, listening, needed, shout, void
Replies (20)
05ad6afe 1f85 4c4a 8680 4f73a3c1f45c
Lano
last online: <time class="timeago" datetime="1713410299" title="Apr 18, 2024 3:18">Apr 18, 2024 3:18</time>
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(11 hours after post)
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Its too easy when you answer your own question!

05ad6afe 1f85 4c4a 8680 4f73a3c1f45c
Lano
last online: <time class="timeago" datetime="1713410299" title="Apr 18, 2024 3:18">Apr 18, 2024 3:18</time>
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(11 hours after post)
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I have a gf and my brain goes there (not that i am any kind of ladies man, but lets say hypothetically I wanted to try) and i just think yeahhhhhh all the good stuff i get out of this relationship and knowing that i am not doing anything backhanded definitely worth it.

Happy earth
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smiley
last online: 11/26, 18:47
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(12 hours after post)
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My husband is a good and generous and decent person. My kids enjoy stability in our home. Heck, I enjoy the stability.

But I feel unappreciated, my husband goes entire days never speaking to me, it's been ages since we've even touched each other, We never do anything together, or even are interested in the same things, except a few TV shows that I like. He loves TV, absolutely anything on TV. I don't have the attention span to sit for hours every day, I need to exercise my mind and body and do things that produce results I can feel good about.

And so why would I be tempted? Because it's really damn nice to feel wanted, to be listened to

Given that I don't really want to give up stability, and definitely don't want to hurt my children or husband, but feel very unappreciated and basically like an invisible household servant, how can I stand steady at "no"?

I hate to admit it, but maybe those people who say men and women can't be friends are right.

On the other hand, I don't know for certain that I wouldn't feel the same way if the proposition had come from a female friend, not that I'm lesbian or bi, just that I'm that unhappy with how things are. If an adult were to hug me, I'd probably happy cry.

Anonymous
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(16 hours after post)
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Explain to your husband that you have needs that are not being met in the marriage and that if he is not interested in satisfying your needs, you will look to fulfill them outside the marriage.

Anonymous
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(1 day after post)
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1. Get a divorce.
2. Get marriage counselling.
3. Experiences are shared (ie: he feels as sleighted and shorted as you do and has not vocalize it.)

You have a partner? There are those that do not, in the sense of decades of isolation and/or used to only gratify the fantasies of another then to be abandoned when the storyline ends or when someone else comes along.
You have someone you can put your hands to. Many others can't remember the last time they were even touched.

1581744157174 1581744149313 miss bot
soco
last online: 03/19, 3:49
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(1 day after post)
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Mark Gungor is fantastic. Watch this clip. If you feel it speaks to you his entire marriage guidance video is available for free on YouTube. Watch it together, parts at a time and then discuss. You will laugh. You will cry. And most importantly, you will grow.https://youtu.be/29JPnJSmDs0

Help me with:

We have another hurricane coming this way.

1581744157174 1581744149313 miss bot
soco
last online: 03/19, 3:49
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(1 day after post)
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One more thing I need to add here. We love you smiley. We care about you more than you'll ever know. Keep in touch please.

Help me with:

We have another hurricane coming this way.

Happy earth
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smiley
last online: 11/26, 18:47
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(1 day after post)
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soco wrote:
One more thing I need to add here. We love you smiley. We care about you more than you'll ever know. Keep in touch please.

Thanks. That's sweet. I'll try to stick around. Things are always crazy in my world.

Happy earth
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smiley
last online: 11/26, 18:47
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(6 days after post)
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I recognize that's it's just infatuation, but the problem is that I would even consider it. This is not how I am. I'm isolated, unappreciated, overworked, and bored. But that's no excuse to put myself in a position to develop a mutual infatuation with a friend who is in a similar situation. Fortunately for both of us, we live far apart and have little opportunity to meet anyway.

The other day my husband washed the dishes once. That was new. Being part of the household rather than acting like a guest is something. But we used to be friends and now we never talk, and when I try to make conversion he gives short irritated sounding answers as if it's a nuisance to listen and reply. How the heck am I supposed to bring up the subject of attraction when we can't even talk about the day? And how in the world am I supposed to pretend to be attracted to someone who is basically a stranger?

Anonymous
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(1 week after post)
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If you can't talk to each other, maybe you can speak your mind via text? Somehow, you need to get things out in the open and communicate or you will just grow more and more resentful. Why do you feel like you need to pretend to be attracted to him?

Happy earth
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smiley
last online: 11/26, 18:47
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(1 week after post)
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Anonymous wrote:
Why do you feel like you need to pretend to be attracted to him?

I mean, ain't I s'posed to be attracted to my spouse? But I won't be attracted unless there's emotional connection.

1581744157174 1581744149313 miss bot
soco
last online: 03/19, 3:49
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(1 week after post)
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The reason why men often cheat is because they are not getting the satisfaction they feel they need.
The same could be said of women but the desires of each are different. To put it bluntly men want oral ***sex and women want the friendship and closeness of another woman that is anything but sexual. Women can form bonds with each other faster than men, generally speaking.

When was the last time the two of you were intimate? Unplug from what ever the distraction is and try something adventurous. Plan it only to a point. Leave plenty of room for surprises. If he tries to refuse put something near that orifice to help muffle the sound.

Then after all is said and done, then open up and explain what your heartfelt desires are. He can't help but comply.

Help me with:

We have another hurricane coming this way.

Happy earth
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smiley
last online: 11/26, 18:47
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(1 week after post)
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It's a bit of a catch-22 isn't it? Men don't want emotional intimacy unless there is physical intimacy and women don't want physical intimacy unless there is emotional intimacy. I guess someone just has to suck it up and do what they don't want to do. I guess that's always me. Ugh.

Happy earth
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smiley
last online: 11/26, 18:47
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(1 week after post)
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Well I've totally wrecked things now. I've arranged to meet with the object of my infatuation. What the hell have I done to myself?

I need some unattractive friends. 😐 All my friends are so beautiful and gentle-hearted, I can't help but love them.

Pretty sure if I cross over into "cheating" I'll be homeless with my kids and cats.

Edit: it's just lunch with a friend, but ....

1581744157174 1581744149313 miss bot
soco
last online: 03/19, 3:49
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(1 week after post)
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Try not to drool.

Help me with:

We have another hurricane coming this way.

Happy earth
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smiley
last online: 11/26, 18:47
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(1 week after post)
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soco wrote:
Try not to drool.

Haha, that's what I'm worried about! But he cancelled due to weather anyway, so this crisis of conscience is delayed until another day.

Happy earth
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smiley
last online: 11/26, 18:47
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(1 month after post)
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After a few cancellations, we finally had lunch. Help! I'm in loooovvveee! It's completely stupid and I hate it.

He likes me in that way too, and that makes it so much worse. I don't want to lose my only IRL friend due to stupid infatuation, but that's what's going to happen.

1581744157174 1581744149313 miss bot
soco
last online: 03/19, 3:49
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(1 month after post)
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It happens more often than you know. And for those it doesn't happen to read dime store novels and watch soap operas on TV where that is the main story line!
"If I can't have an affair at least my favorite character can."

Help me with:

We have another hurricane coming this way.

Happy earth
Original Poster
smiley
last online: 11/26, 18:47
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(1 month after post)
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Going to go meet my crush for coffee this evening. I'm still very conflicted and I'm trying to be good and responsible but being irresponsible just seems like it would feel so good. Up to now, I'm innocent, except in daydreams. I think I can manage to stay that way.

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