It's back up. Made a few tweaks to hopefully make things a little better and blocked a few of the spam bots that have been trying to take us down. Let's see how it goes. 😅
Yeah, I killed it again because it was causing problems. 😓
A separate host would definitely help, but increase costs quite drastically. I've been looking at a few alternatives, but none of which are particularly enticing.
The archives are back up for the time being. Already seeing slowness. Really need to find a better, more permanent solution for this... 🤔
Nope! It’s still around. I just usually leave it off because it’s takes a lot. The server doesn’t handle it super well. Trying to look for a more stable solution but been extremely busy of late so haven’t had any time. 😓
Hm. While it uses a few offensive words, I don’t think that post is otherwise NSFW? Especially since bad words are censored any way.
Unless my skimming has failed me and I completely missed something. 😄
I never tested my match-making ability before...
What do you think?
Who's the crazy *****bitch with the tongue?And don't try to pass that off as you, me and Robbie have already figured out you're a man. LOL
Very kind of you to say so.
I can only hope my wisdom keeps in step with my age.
Lol....morning wake-up's can be rough from time to time - haha! (!Oww!)
Yeah I make mistakes like on the hour. I dont feel hurt by you. And whatever hurt I felt I got over quickly.
The problem I have is that I don't WANT to be hurt. I dont want to get attached to you and then be hurt.
See we didnt talk to long before all this.
Had we actually become close friends like me and Richard I would of been depressed for months over it (speaking from experience)
And now that I'm comfortable with death. Might of done that.
Not that my death is anyone's fault. 110% my own.
I just do stuff I shouldn't do.
I'll name one Charlie
Even if there isnt a boy girls can be named that too.
I'll show you when they are born if I'm still around.
As for Richard. He cant be with me physically but I'm allowed to wake him up at any time
I dont. But I have a few times before
Sometimes he is Busy of course.
Sometimes I'm impatiently paitent.
Nobody can be with someone 24/7
Not even people who live in the same house.
My behavior is my own responsibility. The only person with me 24/7 is me.
Also. My cats do wonders for my mental health.
If people were like cats I'd be awesome.
They are one of the main things that keeps me here most days
Them and Richard.
I know you think it's not possible but it is. Richard kept me from suicide for 4 years.
Just his friendship did that
Wasnt till recent I finally crossed the line.
Even though I've crossed the line you know how many days I dont?
No one gives credit to all the times Richard as convinced me not to.
Dont get me wrong. Im not looking for someone to talk me down from the ledge.
The only reason Richard can is because I know he is my true genuine friend. I believe his word more so than any other human.
Takes alot to get that kind of relationship established
Also. I have extreme urges to kill myself
Not with pills this time.
I want to so badly
Right now I really want to. I really really want to
But you know why I havent.
My cat is pregnant
I wanna be here for the babies
If I'm not they want be properly cared for.
But even though is the most exciting happy thing to happen to me. I still so badly want to die.
It takes alot just to decide to go one more day. Even though you think you can do no more then my cats that's not so far. My cats bring me genuine joy. and my friend gives me soemthing I've always needed I'm a human. Not living around him just makes me feel safer.
I dont need you to carry some of my weight. I'll carry it myself
But my cats and friend do help more than you understand
Richard is awesome and my cats are blessings
I took some time to ponder how I wanted to respond.
You are right to leave. Self preservation.
I'm not good to be in peoples lives.
I'm lucky enough that one person has stuck it out. I dont need more than one. But I do need one.
I felt insecure wondering if he cant love me
Cause nobody can right?
Part of me thinks "good"
The other part of me doesnt like that because I'm rather codependent. Dont wanna think my favorite person doesnt like me.
It's not creepy to love a boy. Not all love is boyfriend girlfriend love. I just love him. The same way you love a family member
But maybe not so much my family members not still
He says he does. But I think your probably right
He unlike you probably just feels obligated to stay. Probably cause God told him too.
Who knows. But even if he doesnt love me I still am happy hes around.
But. I do wanna say this. You learned you cant be in my life. That's okay.
I'm toxic to your health.
But I dont believe in part time friendship
Your either there or your not.
I dont want friendship only when its ideal for you.
After you stopped being my friend you messaged me telling me I could talk to you. and when I actually did you ignored me. Dont say things like that to me if you dont mean it. Dont promise me something and dont keep it.
It's more damaging for me to have people in and out of my life then have people just leave.
I respect that you cant be my friend because of me
But you cant just have it your way.
You message me when it works for you but I csnt message you.
So. Then i dont know how to say it politely but I really mean no disrespect. If what's best for you is not being my friend and I'm willing to do that just dont message me at all. Because in and out doesnt work for me.
We may not even be close but when you straight up ignore me after giving me permission to message you. It makes me not well emotionally for a few days.
I get the wrong idea that we are actually friends and you leave. It makes me not awesome feeling. I like stability. I like simple things like knowing mom paid the rent and that I bought enough pet food to not have to worry about running out and that the people in my life stay.
It's just not good to have people in and out
Richard has never left me. Beem my friend for almost 5 years.
And what happened between us makes me question my relationship with him
That's not your fault or his. But it gives me doubts and I start applying what happened to us as what is true with everyone else
I didn't mean to come off so rude and harsh
I'm just pariniod and defensive
Not looking to become that person again
I'm just mad cause I feel like you came in my life then bam gone
Then you said if I needed to talk I could message you and you never replied
Makes me think you didnt mean what you said and I get it
People get busy and they fit there own lifes
But it just felt like.
I didnt have a friend in you
Qnd I get why.
It's probably me.
I just dont twlk to people or often let them in.
I understand if for your well being you cant be my friend
I'm toxic. I'm draining
It's just I felt like
I never know if you were my friend or my enemy.
Like. Maybe you dont believe I'm telling the truth
Or maybe you just think im bad
I dont know.
I'm mad at alot of people
In sick of the judgments.
It was my mistake for opening up at all
See once I do sometimes I'm like flood gates.
But once in closed I tend to be good at being quiet
I'm back to being quiet
Works better for everyone
Live and learn.
Maybe the video?
Since that video I gave myself a total of 22 stitches in quiet proud of.
Soco said you knew i was safe a day and 5 hours after I did what I did.
How? Cause i dont recall telling my sister till Sunday and not convinced my mom said something
Missed your shout somehow. 😞
Lucky you! If I wake up after the sun has risen, I can't go back to sleep. Need crazy blackout curtains for my room, as even the slightest break of light will wake me up and then I stay up. 😄
Why are you up so early? O.o
I haven’t done anything yet. It seems to to be an intermittent problem. I made a few changes that helped a bit, but still a few more to resolve. 😊
I wasn’t born there. I was born here. My parents/ancestors were all born there. I’m first generation from here (America).
And yes, I think the post pages are going very slow. I believe it’s related to the issues of downtime over the past few days but haven’t had the time to look into it yet. :(
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