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i come from zueleekeewan, a planet 99 dimensions from the center of the multiverse

Where did you grow up?

i just told you sir

Where do you live now?

earth

What is the highest level of education you have attained?

master of mirror shining and floor sweeping

What subjects did/do you enjoy most at school?

mirror shining and floor sweeping

What's your favorite sport or sports?

climbing mountains, drinking juice i made from vegetables and eating vegetables fruits and nuts, and i love little baby ducks, old dump trucks and singing in the rain.

What kind of jobs have you held? Industries too!

spaceshipjacker, riverboat captain, spaceshuttle door gunner.

What hobbies are you into?

hijacking spaceships and eating grapes, once i ate 75 pounds of grapes in one week.

What causes are you concerned about today?

very few spaceships to hijack left

If you claim a political party affiliation, which is it?

Anarchism

Which religion (if any) do you follow?

jebuszeusism

Jebus-Zeus has 14 friends. Here are 14 of them.
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Last 5 Posts Authored

Ascendance

written () ago

I inhabit a different body now. Each day, it seems, another self wakes up and heats the coffee. I can distinguish, even gauge, the passage from a disturbed youth to a disturbed adult by the subtle aggressiveness in my anxiety. Sometimes I catch myself sitting on the edge of the sofa, staring into the flickering glare of the television, like a deer on some highway transfixed by the headlights of a car. As these images pass, I can feel them feeding on my own inertia. Other times, I am overloaded...


as the page rotates.

written () ago

we here at help, we band of misfits. those leftover from another era, lost forgotten


the essentials of becoming a statue..

written () ago

Pick a pose (preferably on a pedestal)


A Visit to starbucks

written () ago

today i went into starbuks and ordered a coffee: me: I'll have one of the vanilla bullshit things....you know, whatever you want, one of those moccha cappa cleaning fluid giant anti-baby bullshit drinks you have... Cashier: (i know they want me to call them a barista but im not in freaking italy or some ****shit)


I am an ant assassin.

written () ago

My first venture into assassinating ants began when i was 3 years old, sitting on my back porch screaming at the top of my lungs into an ant hole (soon to learn that this tactic was unsuccessful) later i learned hot boiling water or (fire) worked much better. i have murdered or killed and counted coo on millions of my ant enemies.


All Claimed Posts »

Top Replies
Jebus-Zeus's Top (5) Replies by other users' votes
What 5 letter word can be rearranged 3 times to get 3 different words each containing 1 more syllable?

i have some ideas what it is, but i have no aides aside me.

- written - voted for by BIG-AL-ONE, twosocks, Rockster160, DocteurRalph
A Visit to starbucks

smiley wrote:
How in the world did your trip to Starbucks trigger HelpBot?

coffee is a drug? ergo, starbucks are drug dealers?

- written - voted for by verge, smiley, Rockster160
What is your favorite planet?

Wu-Tang Clan rapper Method Man once said the following about fellow member Inspectah Deck: “He’s like that dude thatta sit back and watch you play yourself … and see you sit and know you lyin’, and he’ll take you to court after that.”

The same can probably be said of Mercury, the best planet in the solar system .

Mercury puts up with more crap than anyone else, so I stayed quiet while others incorrectly suggested that Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, or Uranus were any better. Few pay any attention to it: Astronomers researching the tiny rock often see their results smothered by the hype surrounding far lamer bodies like Pluto and Europa. And Mercury fans have to put up with shade like this quote from Ross Andersen: “Tiny thing, Sun-blasted and crater-pocked, more moon than planet.” But Mercury’s been the best planet all along. You just haven’t been paying any attention.

What's the Best Planet?

I get it. Mercury looks straight-up ragged. It lacks a real atmosphere, so there’s nothing preventing asteroids from hitting the surface, and the planet has billions of years worth of craters to show for it. Its only shield is a so-called exosphere, a thin layer of atoms kicked up by the constant onslaught of radiation from the nearby Sun. Mercury was raised in the solar system’s toughest neighborhood. Its temperature swings 600 degrees Celsius from day to night, negative-170 to positive-430 degrees.

Mercury once received the respect it deserved. The ancient Babylonians called it Nabou, ruler of the universe who woke the Sun up each morning, according to Robert G. Strom’s Mercury, The Elusive Planet. The Scandinavians and Teutonic people called it Odin and Woden—god of war, father of Thor. To them, it looked like a bright star that appeared sometimes just before dawn, sometimes just after sunset, heralding or retiring the Sun. That’s right, they named the planet after their best gods. The Greeks originally thought the planet was two stars and gave it two names, musical god Apollo for the morning appearance and his brother, messenger god Hermes in the evening. They eventually figured out the two stars were one, and stuck with Hermes. “Mercury” is the Roman version of Hermes.


The planet took the messenger god’s name likely for the way it heralded the Sun. But Hermes was also a mischief maker, a trickster, and kind of a badass (he killed the hundred-eyed monster, Argos). As it turns out, the name is way more appropriate than the Greeks and Romans probably thought. If you look at Mercury the wrong way, it could tear apart the solar system.

Konstantin Batygin, the Caltech professor of Planet Nine fame and fellow Mercury fan, explains that as far back as the 1600s, Isaac Newton pondered a question that astrophysicists still wonder about—whether our solar system is immutable, whether the planets will orbit the Sun forever or fly away eventually. “If the solar system really interacts with the universal law of gravitation where planets pull on each other, intuitively such a system can’t be indefinitely stable. It must fall apart,” said Batygin. He entered the centuries-old argument with calculations showing there’s a one-percent chance that eventually, the other planets’ gravitational influence will send Mercury shooting out of the solar system, or maybe even crashing into Earth. Which other planet has the distinction of having a small, but measurable probability that it will literally destroy us?

“It’s like a gangsta that’s chillin’ next to the Sun,” said Batygin. “It looks harmless because it’s kind of small… but it has some bullets up its sleeve.”

Mercury taketh away, but it can also giveth: Mercury helped confirm Albert Einstein’s general relativity, the modern theory of gravity. Its eccentric orbit processes 43 arcseconds per century, meaning that rather than returning to the same spot every year, its orbit traces out a Spirograph around the Sun. Before general relativity, the only thing that could have explained this eccentric behavior would have been another planet’s gravity, an imaginary planet that Neptune predictor Urbain Le Verrier called Vulcan. Mercury, forever the Inspectah, took Le Verrier to court and Vulcan got the death penalty. Einstein’s theory of general relativity perfectly explained Mercury’s 43 arcsecond procession. I don’t see any other planets playing such a pivotal role in a theory as important as relativity.


Speaking of gravity, Mercury’s elongated orbit locks it into a unique trip around the Sun—one Mercury year equals one-and-a-half Mercury days. There’s only one New Year’s Eve every two Mercury years, but who can blame it? I’d also need a break if the night of New Year’s eve lasted two-thirds of a year.

Despite these revelations, Mercury has maintained an air of mystery, especially compared to our rocky neighbors. Scientists have successfully sent two dozen probes to fly by, orbit or land on Venus, another two dozen to Mars and just two, Mariner 10 and MESSENGER, the MErcury Surface, Space ENvironment, GEochemistry and Ranging mission, to Mercury. Trying to stick a ship into Mercury’s orbit is difficult: MESSENGER needed to fly by Earth once, Venus twice, and Mercury three times so it wouldn’t fly into the Sun, said Sean Solomon, a professor at Columbia University and MESSENGER’s principal investigator. No one has ever dropped a lander on the planet, since the lack of a true atmosphere provides little cushioning to slow an approaching craft. Even orbiting the planet is a challenge, thanks to the Sun’s gravitational tug.

But when scientists do manage to send spacecraft to Mercury, they find a stranger planet than they could ever have imagined.

Mercury’s the gangsta planet. It’s gonna take more than a couple of probes to reveal its deepest secrets.
When Mariner 10 arrived at Mercury 40 years ago, it found that the little rock, unlike Mars and Venus, generates its own internal magnetic field. Mercury also has plate tectonics like the Earth, but rather than many plates, it has one massive plate cracking and contracting above its liquid outer core. “That puts Mercury in a special place with the Earth,” said Tom Watters, senior scientist at the Center for Earth and Planetary Studies of the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum. “The two bodies are tectonically active today with active magnetic fields ... there’s no evidence that either Mars or Venus have active tectonics.”

There’s a reason for Mercury’s magnetic field. Its iron innards take up over 80 percent of its radius, or more than 60 percent of its volume. The Earth’s core, for comparison, only takes up a little over half its radius, less than a third of its volume. That means Mercury is a dense metal sphere—a lot more metal than rock, said Solomon. So scientists wondered: How do planet formation processes create a mostly metal ball? They had a few theories: Maybe Mercury formed in a metal-rich region around the Sun, or maybe the early Sun blasted some outer layer of rock away. Or, the most badass theory, maybe Mercury was once the size of Mars and took a major wallop from some giant unknown visitor, stripping away part of its diameter. None of these theories turned out to be correct. When MESSENGER arrived, the planet revealed way more volatile elements, those with low boiling-points like sulfur or potassium, than scientists expected to see. Any of the above scenarios would have vaporized these materials off of the planet, and yet they remained.

- written - voted for by DocteurRalph, smiley, Rockster160
Have you changed since help closed years ago?

i havent even changed mu underwear...

- written - voted for by PepperJ, 𝕐ͤͭͥ̇𝕖𝕥𝕚。(Yeti.), Nevermind
Suicide.

if you have the money to join a gym and want too, then join a gym its no ones business but yours.

“DOING AS OTHERS TOLD ME, I WAS BLIND. COMING WHEN OTHERS CALLED ME, I WAS LOST. THEN I LEFT EVERYONE, MYSELF AS WELL. THEN I FOUND EVERYONE, MYSELF AS WELL.” ~ RUMI

- written - voted for by Rockster160, Kalinihta
Last 5 Replies - All 466 Replies »
well, another friend of mine is dead of heroin, she was so awesome too, im so sad, the more i think about it the more i want to go with her, but i cant.

Aria wrote:
I'm so sorry to hear that you've lost someone in such a way, Jeb. As a recovering addict of opiates myself, and knowing how it feels to lose people to the same demons, my heart hurts for you.

Have you got someone you can talk to about how you're feeling?

its ok, im talking to someone now, actually i just posted another post about that

- written
the essentials of becoming a statue..

DocteurRalph wrote:
You learn something every day. I had to google "Zues statue stolen" and it really happened. That was 38 years ago though, and it was found and returned in 2010. The statue was made in the 1st century so that means Jebus held stil for a really, really, really long time. 2000 years or so. At least he got a 30 year break! Smoke 'em if you've got 'em, ha ha!

lmao

- written
the essentials of becoming a statue..

Kalinihta wrote:
hah! I had heard that a Zeus statue had been stolen from an italian museum. who knew!

yep

- written
A Visit to starbucks

smiley wrote:
How in the world did your trip to Starbucks trigger HelpBot?

coffee is a drug? ergo, starbucks are drug dealers?

- written
The job I just left is accusing me of stealing and is not going to pay me for the week I worked there.

are you cute, i wont dump you for at least 2 months, lmao

- written
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