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After nearly 20 years, 4 kids, and TONS of frustration on my part, my husband has said that we should divorce.

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I don't know if he's serious, but he's never said this sort of thing before. It doesn't make me feel crushed, but it definitely makes me sad that all we built could end just like that...


:) How are you all?

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Post closed, thank you for your help

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PepperJ's Top (5) Replies by other users' votes
Iโ€™ve been stuck here for such a long time I donโ€™t think I will ever get out.

Having money is far less important if you have support. I'm sorry you don't have support.

As far as having nothing.... maybe try to find something positive that you have...

Since becoming a mom, I have often felt that same "what's the point...."I feel like I need to contribute to society as a whole... and I'm feeling more and more incompetent for that.

So, I've decided to "bloom where I'm planted" and to try to change my little corner of the world and be positive. Maybe you could do that, too? It's a mindset shift. Being happy for what you have and where you are versus trying to make a bang....

- written - voted for by BIG.AL.ONE, DocteurRalph, smiley
I'm so glad to see this site I thought it was gone forever !!!!

aeolian wrote:
The maturity of the helpers on help is astounding. Freak faceboik and its millenial vibe of selfies. This is real down to earth homies with real personalties

I would have to agree. We've all grown a little and learned a little.

I have looked and looked and looked over the years for a site where people could TALK. And where there might be fun innuendo/flirting, but NO PERVING. I was on a site where that stuff was minimal (perv stuff), but there was no substance to it....nobody actually DISCUSSED issues, lives, current events, hopes, dreams. There is no "family" feeling there, like there is here

So, yeah, as someone up there ^^^^^ said, I can gush and gush about this site :)Finally found a safe place to call home and where we can all get reacquainted.

And, I do have fb...but fb is sort of a love/hate relationship. In some instances, it's the only way I can keep up with some of my loved ones (sadly that it's not PERSONAL upkeeping of the relationship and it has deteriorated to online)...and on fb, everything seems to be overly optimistic and full of "fake success..." I mean...I KNOW those people who post about their perfect lives...and it's not at all as they make people believe ;)

One of my best friends moved to Hawaii and another to California. It's been 3-4 years now, and it broke my heart to have them move so far away. I have not developed or nurtured close female relationships since...and I miss that. You all on Help, though, is kinda like a bff ;)

- written - voted for by ๐•อคอญอฅฬ‡๐•–๐•ฅ๐•šใ€‚(Yeti.), Ameliorate, soco
Post resolved

Merry Christmas, Anon!

I have to say that sometimes I don't get back to people on fb. Sometimes I don't text people back in a timely manner. Sometimes I don't call people back as soon as I should.

It's not at all a reflection on how I feel about those people waiting to hear from me.

Rather, it's a reflection of what a hectic, crazy life I lead and sometimes I don't have time.

Better yet: sometimes I DO have time, but I would prefer to take a nap. Or nurse a headache. Or eat. Or play dinosaurs with my son....

- written - voted for by Araz, BIG.AL.ONE
Do you think stay at home moms are lazy?

I feel the same.... I brought in good money before kids and I was somewhat "accomplished." We would not have done it if I had not alteady purchased 2 homes prior to marriage. Obviously we lived in one and continued to have the other rented out for maybe a year. When I sold that home, I made a nice profit that took care of about a year of my income, so that made me feel better about my "contribution."
And....being a SAHM meant that there were no work conflicts when my 2nd was born and was in NICU for 8 wks and had serious health issues for her first 2 years. I COULD give my all to her and not worry about losing a job.
When my mom fell and broke her leg, since I wasn't working, I was free to go to her house and cook and clean for her.
When my Granny broke her hip and had surgery and then had bladder surgery, I was able to go to her house and cook and clean for her... and to drive her to phys therapy, etc
When my Grandpa started to get dementia, and my Grandma was overwhelmed, I was able to go and relieve her one day a week (this was very hard because at this time, I had 2 in diapers and one potty trained...but gpa was also in diapers and he would yell and scream, scaring my kids.... but thank God I was able to help her out)
When my friend's PTSD got so bad....I was able to be there
When my husb tore his bicep and had surgery....I was able to take care of everything without having to worry about a job...
Kids' tonsillectomies, doc appts, sporting events, activities, recitals, sick days, broken arms, dentist appts, etc.... didn't have to take "paid time off...."
I get up most mornings before everyone and make breakfast. Dinner is usually home made and healthy vs slapped together junk.
Many, many friends (and even people who were strangers) have had snags in their lives and jobs caused issues with life... I've been that friend to pick up their sick kids from school, etc
Also.. I have volunteered extensively and have my kids volunteer too. We do soup kitchens, I have tutored people in shelters to help them get their GEDs etc.

Being a SAHM makes me feel like I'm "not contributing" at times... and society sometimes sees SAHMs as useless... but we do have a role, if we do it right ๐Ÿ˜Ž

- written - voted for by Araz, Rockster160
After nearly 20 years, 4 kids, and TONS of frustration on my part, my husband has said that we should divorce.

And...thank you all for your care and concern.

I will not be here much; I feel like working on the marriage and family is best

- written - voted for by NaCtHoMaN
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I am upset, i grew up with alot of you, and no one is left...

Hi Dani, good to see you stop by; how are things?

- written
Aaah, Valentine..!

I can think of a few relationships that were born from help....

- written
After nearly 20 years, 4 kids, and TONS of frustration on my part, my husband has said that we should divorce.

And...thank you all for your care and concern.

I will not be here much; I feel like working on the marriage and family is best

- written
After nearly 20 years, 4 kids, and TONS of frustration on my part, my husband has said that we should divorce.

@Sherlock I agree. Cops have higher incidences of divorce, alcoholism and suicide. So I guess this rough patch maybe "goes with the territory?"

He's looking into using his GI Bill...or whatever it is called for military guys to go to college. It seems as if he is eligible for a set amount, whether college costs that much or not. So he's going to take a financial planning class (or a few classes) in the summer hopefully and use his military award money. He is then going to apply to work at a bank or other financial institution. He has an MBA but he got it in the 1990's, so he feels like he won't be hired somewhere without taking the class(es).

The thing is: he's always bemoaned getting an MBA and not working at a job where it was needed or even appreciated. So this will be a good thing for him to do. I think it will make him happy.

I'm writing a book, picking up more kids to tutor versus babysitting (tutoring pays far more than babysitting) and thinking about working somewhere soon....just that part of being a stay at home parents helps with so many things: our son had his first heartbreak, after a couple weeks of arguing with his first serious girlfriend...it's great to be home and be there for him. My daughter is trying out at dance studios all over, to get into a dance intensive this summer...it's great to be able to take her to these things and be there for her. So, again, going to work FT will damage our family life...I'm going to try to find something PT.

We also did go ahead with buying the new house (IDK how smart that is, but we decided to do it). So we are moving. We close on March 4th, but don't need to actually be out of the house we're in until April 15, so we have LOTS of time to move, which will make it far less stressful than it would otherwise be....

- written
After nearly 20 years, 4 kids, and TONS of frustration on my part, my husband has said that we should divorce.

Yeah, a vaca would be awesome. I need one. I feel completely stressed out and tired lately!

We are working on things. We haven't gotten divorced. He got the paperwork, but hasn't filed it.

@Nix...can't raise the rent until time for contract renewals in August. Then we will for sure.

- written
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