Sometimes it can even be ourselves that have been misunderstood by others and sometimes we can be oblivious of this, and they have responded in a negative way to us, when we don’t know that we did anything to provoked them.

Often people make assumptions believing that the hurt was intentional when perhaps it wasn’t. And then it escalates from there into a big snowball.

I personally believe people misunderstand each other a lot and do not want to hurt others, IF they understood then they may behave differently.

At times (not always) my cognition can be REALLY slow. Someone may ask me something and I could be staring into space trying to comprehend what they just said..... and then longer to think of how to respond.... it can take a long time sometimes. Then they can feel like I’m deliberately ignoring them and get frustrated. Then I’ve felt like they’re frustrated at my cognition and being nasty when they are not actually fully understanding how cognition can affect me.

Peoples mental health or cognition can also alter how we interpret others and express ourselves.

Someone with poor cognition may be unaware of how they are being perceived.

Someone with a mental illness may be confused between what is real and what is not.

Someone with lack of capacity can’t always be responsible for their own behaviour.

But also, we do not always know what others are going through. We don’t always know what is going through people’s heads. Not unless they tell us. And only if they’re telling the truth. And only if they have not forgotten pieces of information or told it in the right order. People can be very misunderstood.

I am not in any way condoning the behaviour of how you have been treated or what you have seen, as I don’t know. But sharing food for thought. - trying to help.

I CAN tell you that no one in this world is perfect and none of us ever will be, including yourself. Even those who wish to do their best at being kind people, it is very hard and impossible to achieve all the time.

There will always be someone out there who makes us feel hurt.

Sometimes that hurt is intended. Sometimes it is not.

Some do not understand how their actions affect others.
People are individuals and have their own minds and ways of thinking. We have all had our own unique experiences that shape us into the people we are today and the choices we make in life and how we treat others.

There can be many reasons for why someone behaves in a hurtful way.

For example, people believe that we should treat others how we want to be treated. But this is not always true. Not everyone wants to be treated how we do. Someone with autism may not want a hug.

Someone who has never been bullied and always been popular may not know how it feels to be bullied, so might find it funny.

Someone who is deaf may not appreciate a comedy on tv mocking a deaf person for comedy.

Some people’s life experiences alter how we perceive the world around us.

Please tell us yours.

I think you sound very bitter. People can become bitter when they have been through a lot of bad experiences. And become hateful towards others. Because they have been deeply hurt by others. When it happens with so many people it seems that the whole world is the same way.

I don’t know enough to really pass any judgement or be able to support you.

Please, tell us what has happened to you to make you feel this way.
We do not understand why you feel this way so we cannot support you very well. We want to support you, hence the name of the site.

If you would like help, then please allow us to help you.

I personally understand that you do not want others to be talking about religion on your post and respect that (That’s coming from someone who believes in God)

But maybe try saying it abit nicer, please can you not talk about religion on my post? Then maybe you might get a better response.

- written Aug 23, 2019 16:48

Well if you don’t like people being awful and you don’t like people trying to be nice, what do you actually like? What do you actually want from us?

I’m trying to get joined up on a severe ME charity so can get an advocate but funding is small so big waiting lists. Many complications to actually complete the form n pay.

I threw my mobile other day n almost iPad too. I get mixed up how to use them. To use them I mentally have to jump through so many hoops to remember each function and how to do what I want to do, and when so many faults and glitches on technology and fb on top, I just want to smash it all up sometimes.

Psychiatrist involved since NHS have thought my physical illness a mental one for many years from misrepresentation of ourselves from flawed research that has taken many years to come to light.

Although they continue to misrepresent us across media.

Anyhow out of sheer desperation, before I knew much about my private dr, I asked for NHS help. Kind of regret it now though. Now that I have private dr who understands better I think I’d rather stick with her.

This is what I sent my Private Drs team:

Today SALT came.

I showed her the draft letter I have from yourselves. I have also previously shown her the supporting letter from Invest in ME. I showed her my writing which said “I fluctuate. I get scared people don’t understand or believe it. So I want to show you. I get scared incase I get judged from my better times.”

and I asked about having pictures of gestures and she said I didn’t need them and that I communicate really well. My jaw dropped and eyes widened staring at her. I asked them please can you leave the room. I then screamed.... and again... And cried loudly.......

I asked my carer what SALT said to her about my screaming and she said SALT said, does she do that often?

...... so I can’t see a supporting letter making much difference to SALT right now.

They do not believe in fluctuations. People don’t listen to the letters. They don’t listen to me.

There’s not much point asking CCG for more SALT funding time cos they don’t think I need the help I say I do anyway.
Neither does my GP.

District nurses have ignored my request for them not to contact me/us until we contact them.

GP is referring me to physio. Because I asked SALT about headrest support thing.

GP got funding for M.E specialist OT person to come out. I was under the impression that it would be the psychiatrist.. and I thought that cos it would be him, I thought he could atleast try to understand my test results. But a non dr won’t.

Even with all my hard work. It’s not good enough. The more I ask for help the more I don’t need it. The more I fight for my life, the more I’m not struggling. I’m lost.

I screamed a lot..... i screamed some more... no point in crying. Screaming. Emotions don’t fix problems. Problem solving doesn’t work either.

SALT have seen me use gestures before

Lano, this might sound silly to ask, but have you tried to sit down with her with a cup of tea together nice and calmly and to just ask her how she feels about driving and asking her what makes her feel so uncomfortable.

Just allowing her to talk about it.

Without any pressure.

Tell her your happy to listen to her concerns and how much you love her.

And to say, how do you feel about driving? Do you think it would be good for you? How do think it would make your life better? Do you think it would give more freedom for you? Do you think it would make you happier to have that freedom? And listening to her responses, and trying to understand. perhaps holding off saying how you feel about it, just incase it makes her close up to talking about it or possibly leading to a bit of a misunderstanding.

Saying I love you and I want you to be happy and to help you achieve whatever you want to achieve in life. Then, perhaps saying, I think it would be really good for you too (AFTER you have listened to her point of view)

And asking her, would you like my support with this? (Just incase she doesn’t. She might think it would be good for her, but she might not want to do it.) is there anything I can do to support you? Is there anything I can do to help you?

And telling her, I do not want to make you feel pressured in any way. Even if you are not ready (if she says she would like to learn but isn’t resdy) I am here for when you are. I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable in anyway.

If you become unsure at any time of how to respond to her answers, then try hard not to allow it to show through any frustration (I know u love her, we can all get frustrated at loved ones by accident though) and say, I’m not sure right now but I’d like time to think about it cos I really want to be there for you. Is that ok? And give her a big reassuring cuddle and a smile ☺️