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35 replies, Replies 31 to 35

How can I stop being obsessed?

The computer thing IS defintely an issue. You do have to wonder if it's really making them happy to be spending their time that way or are they avoiding real, everyday life for a reason?

My biggest concern here if it were me would be the lack of attention being given to the kids and help with the kids. Even if you don't work outside the home, you are doing a 24/7 unpaid job and they should be helping with that work. Im sure it would be nice to actually do things as a family too wouldn't it? What are the kids missing in all this also? Kids want to see their parents happy and happy parents are usually more involved in their kids lives.

It sounds like a serious talk needs to be had. It's unlikely to change unless it is addressed head on and you don't deserve to be neglected or miserable because of the way this other person is choosing to spend their time. They need a wake up call.

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How can I stop being obsessed?

I want to add though, if and once you do go through the process of trying to fix or rebuild things and you feel it isn't going anywhere, there is nothing wrong with being brutally honest with yourself and putting your personal happiness first. I don't subscribe to the idea that people have to stay together due to certain life situations. Sometimes you are better off recognizing that you have both changed and grown to the point you barely recognize each other. That can happen.

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How can I stop being obsessed?

I agree with Araz about the therapy and figuring this out with your partner. There must have been this same feeling or connection with your partner at some point and it's just been lost. You can get it back but it takes effort on both sides. That could be more of a reason you are looking outside of the relationship than anything. It may not be specifically about that other person, but what you are missing from the person youre with. If that is worth salvaging, it will require real daily work to make it what you want it to be again.

And it probably would be helpful to "ban" yourself from that other person for a bit, so you can get some perspective and remember what's important.

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I always lose keys.

I'm like this also. It was much worse when I was a kid. Like Padre I also tend to keep things on me if Im really worried I could set them down randomly somewhere. Keys and phone stay in my pockets whem Im out and about. I am a lady though, so tend to carry a purse, which helps. Those can be an abyss things get lost in as well. You do know fanny packs came back into style a few years ago right? I feel this is something you could easily pull off, fashion wise. ;) There are some really cool ones out there actually. I've considered getting one myself for certain situations.

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Everyday I want to crawl into a hole and be alone.

DragonLady wrote:
I think the "secret" is to always be the most kind person in the world to yourself. Others will be critical, so that's a role you don't have to play. Instead, just always think of yourself as your own favorite child, and think kind things.

I think this is a nice way to look at yourself but it can be destructive to others as well. I was in a relationship where it didnt seem to matter what the other person did, how bad in the relationship they were, as long as they felt good about themselves. He was always his own best friend, his own greatest advocate, so he was never wrong. It was maddening and left me feeling like the guilty party in most situations, even if I wasn't. So although I agree with this idea, there is a lot to be said for being able to take personal responsiblity also and seeing yourself in a more realistic way, as others see you.

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