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20181121 142229
Cregyn
last online: 01/07, 18:55
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Housemate trouble

After three months living here, one of my 7 housemates found out that I have a daughter almost his age. Since then he turned hostile..

I don't want to live in fear of him constantly, so far he does 'small' things - chucked my washed clothes out of the washer right on the dirty surfice/floor, chucked away my food from fridge, stopped the washer with my clothes in it, messaged to landlord to make up things about me..

How do I deal with the a-hole? I do not know him at all, I do not know what kind of harm he is capable?

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Since writing this post Cregyn may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
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harm, capable, chucked, washer, clothes
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Yorick
Yorick
last online: 02/28, 23:53
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just cuz you got a kid his age he's repulsive about it?

i dont get it?

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Lano
last online: <time class="timeago" datetime="1713410299" title="Apr 18, 2024 3:18">Apr 18, 2024 3:18</time>
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NacthoMan wrote:
just cuz you got a kid his age he's repulsive about it?

i dont get it?

I second this. I don't really follow.

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Lano
last online: <time class="timeago" datetime="1713410299" title="Apr 18, 2024 3:18">Apr 18, 2024 3:18</time>
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Also 7 housemates sounds like a rough living situation. I hope its a big house.

20181121 142229
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Cregyn
last online: 01/07, 18:55
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(20 hours after post)
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NacthoMan wrote:
just cuz you got a kid his age he's repulsive about it?

i dont get it?

I don't know, I guess he had a crush on me, and when he found out I was much older, he turned hostile.. He seems to be a bad loser?

The point is, how do I protect myself from him? I don't want to live in fear from him. :(

And thanks for the concern, @Lano, the house is large, yes.

Yorick
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hmm...

i once had a roommate i sorta was fearful of.. not because i was afraid of him but i was afraid what i would do to him if he really went out of line, plus.. with my financial living situation i kind of depended on him as a roommate.

i remember hating that feeling.

so on my part i was a kiss-***ass and treaded carefully. It worked. In a lawless world I would of kicked his ***ass.

with that kind of obscenity and lame behavior coming off him. cut your losses. in a big house with 7 - think of it like a small apt complex. get friendly with the better neighbors and avoid the deplorable.

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Lano
last online: <time class="timeago" datetime="1713410299" title="Apr 18, 2024 3:18">Apr 18, 2024 3:18</time>
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Cregyn wrote:

I don't know, I guess he had a crush on me, and when he found out I was much older, he turned hostile.. He seems to be a bad loser?

I think if you explicitly rejected an advance from him this would make more sense, but simply finding out that you're older or that you are a mother is not something, by itself, would make a guy start hating you or, depending on his intentions or the way he sees things, even discourage him. That said people aren't always rational. But I wonder if there is something else at play that is making him act this way.

Perhaps you have done something to annoy him? I wonder if it's not something that can be settled with a simple discussion.

If that doesn't work, or you don't feel comfortable approaching him, maybe you should talk to your fellow housemates about it...they could be experiencing the same thing from this guy for all you know.

You can also try talking to the landlord I suppose.

I have never lived in an apartment or shared living situation so apologies if I sound naรฏve on all this.

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soco
last online: 03/19, 3:49
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Board meeting.
Get everyone in the room at the same time and call him out to the other tenants. Ask that the vengeful acts come to a halt starting today.
Or he leaves.

Help me with:

We have another hurricane coming this way.

20181121 142229
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Cregyn
last online: 01/07, 18:55
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Thanks, guys, you all make valid points.

NacthoMan wrote:
hmm...

with that kind of obscenity and lame behavior coming off him. cut your losses. in a big house with 7 - think of it like a small apt complex. get friendly with the better neighbors and avoid the deplorable.

Sorry you had a similar experience, @Yorick, and I do understand what you write. I am not afraid of him that he would hurt me physically; it would be more likely that I would hurt him.. My daughter was here last time he chucked my clothes out of the washer. I joked that we had no light in the kitchen, I could accidentaly trip over with a knife and fall on him.. :D She replied in the most serious voice: 'Mom, don't!' Honestly, I was only joking..

I have always avoided him since I moved here. In fact, I don't even know his name! I realised pretty early on that he was kind of a loser, but I seemed to have hugely underestimated what he could do..

Lano wrote:

I think if you explicitly rejected an advance from him this would make more sense, but simply finding out that you're older or that you are a mother is not something, by itself, would make a guy start hating you or, depending on his intentions or the way he sees things, even discourage him. That said people aren't always rational. But I wonder if there is something else at play that is making him act this way.

Perhaps you have done something to annoy him? I wonder if it's not something that can be settled with a simple discussion.

If that doesn't work, or you don't feel comfortable approaching him, maybe you should talk to your fellow housemates about it...they could be experiencing the same thing from this guy for all you know.

You can also try talking to the landlord I suppose.

I have never lived in an apartment or shared living situation so apologies if I sound naรฏve on all this.

Thanks, @Lano, I have messaged the landlady after she sent me a rude text message which turned out to be spurred on by him falsely accusing me of things. She said she did not want to be involved in this.

He is popular in the house, and others chat to him all the time, so I presume he is not picking on them.

I wouldn't feel comfortable talking to him, but I have been trying to prepare myself to tell him that I will no longer tolerate his hostile behaviour against me. However, what would I do if that did not stop him..? He knows my car, I dread that he could do something to my car.

I am not exactly certain what exactly made him mad at me, but since he found out about my daughter, he turned hostile.

From the beginning when I moved here, he looked like a guy who thinks that all women should lie at his feet, and for some time, he misinterpreted situations thinking that I was interested in him - I look out of the window checking if there is a parking space outside of the house, so I can repark my car. Once he was coming into the house with girls, and thought that I was spying on him.. Then I met him outside when I went for a walk a few times; he was with a girl and again, it looked like he thought I was stalking him..

I presume, he kinda liked it. So, when he found out that I have a daughter and just like going for walks, not stalking him, maybe again he twisted it in his head thinking that I was leading him on, I don't know.. That's my interpretation, but of course I might be wrong.

soco wrote:
Board meeting.
Get everyone in the room at the same time and call him out to the other tenants. Ask that the vengeful acts come to a halt starting today.
Or he leaves.

Thank you, soco. The landlady asked me to join a facebook house group, where I suppose I could have done it. However, I declined and explained that I would not be joining because of him. I do not want him to know my facebook profile. Also, because others seem to be keen on him, that might have turned things against me, and they might side with him..

I have just bumped into him now after two days (had to pop into the kitchen since I started writing this message); he had a loud music on and his earpads on, so I did not talk to him.. He never had the music loud, and earpads on before! He did used to have a show on his phone but always quietly. Neither of us said anything.. but I think he realised he's overstepped. Hoping for peace now?

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