I think I'm in trouble.
Recently, I've noticed that I tend to be reverting back to a long time ago where my eating disorder took precedent over my life. It was over a decade ago, but slowly, since I have discovered that I have increased to a size 14 (UK size) I feel extremely desperate to loose (at least) two dress sizes.
I'm a recovering drug addict. I've been clean for over a year now. My mum doesn't deserve the worry or concern after my near-fatal overdose last time.
Tonight, I vomited almost pure blood. And I'm terrified. That has never happened to me before, even when I was at my lowest in my disorder. Right now, I am going through a routine of refraining from eat for 2-3 days, and then eating...in which I make myself so sick, that I have no choice but to bring it up. It's not just the concern of weight, but my entire appetite has almost vanished.
I don't know what to do. This place is my last hope... I don't want to die. I just want to feel useful and worthy of a decent existence.
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Agreed with Padre. Vomiting blood is usually a sure sign that something is wrong with your body and it needs to get checked out right away.
That said, your weight or your size has nothing to do with the value of your existence. That’s measured by the hearts you touch. Just by existing, you can affect so many around in a positive way. You can help others. You can conquer this disorder, and then help others avoid going down the same path. Write about your experiences and troubles, what made it hard. Write about the things that made it better and then focus on those things. Every person can do so much, we just have to take care of ourselves so that we can do it.
In bulimia sufferers, the most common cause of blood in vomit is from Mallory Weiss tears. ... They're caused by forced vomiting. You know the pressure you feel in your esophagus and stomach when you are forcing yourself to throw up?
You're not ten years younger, you're ten years older. I say this not to further how bad you feel but the old ways aren't going to work anymore.
By starving yourself, then eating you caused a hemorage in the vessel of your stomach lining. When you ate, the stomach acid ate through it.
The doc will likely precscibe a magnesia to settle the lining.
Anyway, you can't starve yourself with the hope of losing weight. Instead change what it is you are eating (such as raw veges and fruits).
Drink plenty of water and work out for 20 minutes or so on a daily basis.
Prepare for the long haul because results don't happen over night. Mark your progress and expect to commit to a year or two.
And finally this.....when all hope seems lost...better off alive and healthy with slightly more pounds than completely dead.
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