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I dont know what to do.

I already made the ads for all my pets all my mom has to do is log into the email I just made. Not my normal email but a new one for this purpose.
And publish the ads. I made them already. With her contact info. In the email. I closed accounts and made new ones with the info I want them to have access too
If I wait too long though the ads will expire.

If I kill myself right now. Its risky as weekends I'd be discovered more quickly.
Also I have obligations. Friday movie. Saturday babysitting overnight
Sunday work.
If I wait till my birthday I dunno if I wanna do that it's a Friday which is weekend again. if I wait till June 16 for med refills that's a long ways away all my prep would have to be redone.
I got 3 40 pound tubs of litter and 50 pounds of cat food. Mom wont have to buy cat food for over 2 months. Odds are cats will be rehomed by then before I run out.
I just bought 30 pounds of puppy food.

And I'll have 200 dollars saved for whatever

If I dont die now. It wont be right.
I dunno what to do and I have a headache. Part of me wants to call my therapist and ask for advice but I dont want cops to come to my house. I cant deal with it. It's like a dirty secret I have to hide. My mom came into my room as I was printing out instructions and account info and such for her and I planned to put it on my fridge and I panicked thinking I'd been caught. I can't deal with the disappointment and anger everyone expresses toward me. But I want advice too. I dont know what to do.

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Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
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email, wait, food, info, ads
Replies (21)
Helpbot
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Suicide Prevention Lifeline

If you are contemplating suicide, hurting yourself, or you are seriously depressed: please, seek professional help!

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Anonymous
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(12 minutes after post)
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Just out of curiosity, why can't you submit the ads yourself?

Anonymous
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(22 minutes after post)
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Here's some advice: Don't.

If there is some event coming up that could change your mind, might as well stick it out and wait- because once you act, there is no undo button or being able to take it back.

Why the rush? You've got a life to live. I apologize in advance for the implied insult, but suicidal tendencies 98% of the time are a mental problem. Nothing is actually wrong, your brain is just screaming "Do it!" for no real reason. Why? I don't know. We humans are kind of strange in that regard.

I can promise you one thing: You go down this route, it will never get better. You'll never have a chance to fix things. You seem like a really caring individual. You're afraid of disappointing your family, you stocked up a ton of supplies for your animals.

Are you stressed out because your birthday is coming up? My birthday causes me a lot of unneeded stress, too. But luckily, once it's over, things can go back to normal. So why not stick it out at least until your birthday and major temporary stressors have passed? See if that helps. I know life always has stressful things coming at us, but it's got good things, too.

Original Poster
Anonymous
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(26 minutes after post)
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Anonymous wrote:
Just out of curiosity, why can't you submit the ads yourself?

If I submit the ads myself they will find out ad the check daily

Original Poster
Anonymous
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(27 minutes after post)
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I can't live without the animals and i am still alive. It needs to happen after I'm dead

Anonymous
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(28 minutes after post)
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Anonymous wrote:
I can't live without the animals and i am still alive. It needs to happen after I'm dead

Why can't you keep them?

Original Poster
Anonymous
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(30 minutes after post)
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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I can't live without the animals and i am still alive. It needs to happen after I'm dead

Why can't you keep them?

To keep them I need to be alive

Anonymous
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(32 minutes after post)
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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I can't live without the animals and i am still alive. It needs to happen after I'm dead

Why can't you keep them?

To keep them I need to be alive

And why can't you stay alive?

Original Poster
Anonymous
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(35 minutes after post)
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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


[quote from Anonymous]

Why can't you keep them?

To keep them I need to be alive

And why can't you stay alive?

I dont know. Just my mental issues probably but it doesnt change the facts. My meds work but I still have to. Without being on meds it makes it easier to do. But even on meds I still know I have too

Anonymous
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(39 minutes after post)
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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


[quote from Anonymous]

To keep them I need to be alive

And why can't you stay alive?

I dont know. Just my mental issues probably but it doesnt change the facts. My meds work but I still have to. Without being on meds it makes it easier to do. But even on meds I still know I have too

Why do you "have to"? Are you trying to escape a situation that's happening to you?

Original Poster
Anonymous
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(46 minutes after post)
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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


[quote from Anonymous]

And why can't you stay alive?

I dont know. Just my mental issues probably but it doesnt change the facts. My meds work but I still have to. Without being on meds it makes it easier to do. But even on meds I still know I have too

Why do you "have to"? Are you trying to escape a situation that's happening to you?

I dont know. It's me. People think I can change I cant. I just wanna die

Anonymous
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(49 minutes after post)
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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


[quote from Anonymous]

I dont know. Just my mental issues probably but it doesnt change the facts. My meds work but I still have to. Without being on meds it makes it easier to do. But even on meds I still know I have too

Why do you "have to"? Are you trying to escape a situation that's happening to you?

I dont know. It's me. People think I can change I cant. I just wanna die

But is that you talking? Is that really you? Or is it stress, instability, nervousness, or some other effects that are forcing your hand?

Original Poster
Anonymous
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(55 minutes after post)
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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


[quote from Anonymous]

Why do you "have to"? Are you trying to escape a situation that's happening to you?

I dont know. It's me. People think I can change I cant. I just wanna die

But is that you talking? Is that really you? Or is it stress, instability, nervousness, or some other effects that are forcing your hand?

I think its me cause the medicine works
I'm scared maybe. I am stressed and nervous. My head hurts alot right now. I called crisis but they were busy. I dunno. I want to talk without the consequences of going to hospital and getting in trouble. I think I'll do it. Weither I dont do it this tuesday or so. I will end up doing it no matter what and I wanna talk.

Anonymous
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(1 hour after post)
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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


[quote from Anonymous]

I dont know. It's me. People think I can change I cant. I just wanna die

But is that you talking? Is that really you? Or is it stress, instability, nervousness, or some other effects that are forcing your hand?

I think its me cause the medicine works
I'm scared maybe. I am stressed and nervous. My head hurts alot right now. I called crisis but they were busy. I dunno. I want to talk without the consequences of going to hospital and getting in trouble. I think I'll do it. Weither I dont do it this tuesday or so. I will end up doing it no matter what and I wanna talk.

If it was you, the medicine WOULDN'T work. Medicine helps the problems. Unfortunately, it's not perfect, so you'll still feel something beyond the medicine. Like when you break your leg and they give you painkillers, you still feel the pain- it's just numbed down and not as intense.

I don't want you to do it. I think you are stronger than that. You just have to stick it through.
I'm here to talk. HelpBot has a number you can call, too. And you can try crisis again. You can call your therapist. There are people all around who will talk.

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music=life
last online: 03/02, 13:45
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I think you possibly posted yesterday or someone in a similar situation. And let me tell you medication sucks but it can work! It takes time and lots of trail and error which makes you feel hopeless like you are now. But once you get it right things will get better. I completely understand how you feel about your animals. Sometimes they are the only ones who can truly understand without ever saying anything. Call your therapist or a hotline. And if you have phone anxiety they even have suicidal texting numbers. Please stay with us and you can reach out to me anytime and I will be there for you.

Anonymous
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(4 hours after post)
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What can we do to help? That is after all why you are here.

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Jebus-Zeus
last online: 10/09, 19:48
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(7 hours after post)
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why do you want to die so bad? but hey i get it, life makes me want to go with you, ive actually been contemplating the same thing all week, im just worried i'll fail again, you might too and then end up in a worse situation than youre already in (i know that scares the crap out of me). i dont know wtf ima do, i guess just live in this miserable world and hope for better days, i hope you reconsider it if only for your pets sake, you never know what kind of horrible situation they might end up in without you.

Anonymous
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(12 hours after post)
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Stay. Your animals need and love you. Do you know how hard it is to find a good home for them?

Call your therapist. Stick with the meds or talk with your doctor about other options. Make the changes that you can make to improve your life and the lives of those around you - including your animals. Just hang in there.

Bejbybird
Mya
last online: 08/21, 7:48
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(14 hours after post)
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Sending hugs, love, strength, and hope.

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Evansent
last online: 08/18, 9:33
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(18 hours after post)
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Why is it you want to die so badly?
What happens if the next life is worse than the one you have now?
What then?
Wouldnโ€™t it be better to try and make the most of what you have now?
You already told us about how devoted to your animals you are. Who will love and protect them when you leave?
Iโ€™m curious. I think weโ€™ve all felt like we would be better off dead at times.
What if you could make changes would you still want to end it all then?

6ac6ec97 7651 45c5 b346 63c4b75d6c66
Evansent
last online: 08/18, 9:33
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(18 hours after post)
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Jebus-Zeus wrote:
why do you want to die so bad? but hey i get it, life makes me want to go with you, ive actually been contemplating the same thing all week, im just worried i'll fail again, you might too and then end up in a worse situation than youre already in (i know that scares the crap out of me). i dont know wtf ima do, i guess just live in this miserable world and hope for better days, i hope you reconsider it if only for your pets sake, you never know what kind of horrible situation they might end up in without you.

My door is always open. I hate hearing you feel this way.
Get on a plane and come over to England.

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