as a kid.. just when i was developing trying to understand the ways of the world. my family and relatives would occasionally do or say something to me that would make me embarrassed. when I would be embarrassed my face would flush redder than a maraschino cherry.
to this day.. when i think about it.. i wasn't embarrassed.. i was practically humiliated, wanted to hide and run away and cry. did it make me a stronger person?
im not too sure cuz for a while till now anything that would or probably could "embarrass" me is off limits to sensation. just made me numb to the affection.
if thats the case. even if i had kids of my own.. which i dont.. i wouldn't want them to feel that way..
what were their intentions, to know what its like to be embarrassed and not let it affect you?
I’d say it’s likely innocent teasing without realizing the pain they caused.
Like when a toddler is walking around and he loses his balance and falls on his butt- the parents all laugh hysterically. There isn’t really much of a difference that gets noticed between that and when a kid does something silly.
Even as the baby, parents/people shouldn’t laugh at them trying/failing to do things, but they do. And they film it and post it on social media so the whole world can laugh at that without really considering the impact it could have. People are accidentally bullies all the time.
everyone was a teaser.. i didnt get it at the time.
I grew up in a family that teasing was normal. Once, when my son was little, I told him if he didn't stop doing some thing, I was going to duct tape him to the ceiling fan. To me, that was obviously a joke, but he started to cry and I had to apologize and repeatedly explain that I would never really do something like that. I felt so awful.
I don't really understand what you mean. They did stuff to embarrass you on purpose? Like what kinds of things? How about one example?
Not everyone is embarrassed by the same thing, maybe you were just easily embarrassed. I don't really remember being embarrassed at all when I was a kid and my brother teased me constantly, telling me I was retarded or always saying stuff like I was adopted. It just made me mad.
in my case its quite a bit complicated.. i grew up with profound hearing loss. sure i could talk and all but when it came to catching on the joke or tease.. that moment of embarrassment would rise.
I pretended like i understood when i didn't because i couldn't hear it. It made me feel stupid, helpless and thus humiliated. they would laugh at me cuz i came off as this easy target for a bright red walking cherry pop!, for them it was harmless but for me nowadays makes me wonder.. what good was it, i didnt learn a damn from it except tune out my natural feelings. I should of gotten upset, i did few times but not enough to make a point about what i need from them to understand whats the point of teasing if im not gonna get it..
laughing it off would probably benefit me greatly if i understood in the first place. who the hell laughs at something you dont get, only blondes do!
when the internet was born and chat rooms..instant messaging .. texting came around.. made all the difference understanding the horrible humanity of humor.
i guess what im saying is the impact out of it all while growing up kinda set me back in a big way.. like a lingering after effect that i could really do without. Its not exactly traumatic, but i really think it played a part in why i have confidence issues. it doesn't end there tho on the other hand i just might be over analyzing it so help me god.
Help me with: there may be a time
there may be a time
That's really interesting. The book The Presence Process by Michael Brown has a lot about getting back in touch with feeling and sensation and I highlt recommend it just for some of the insight I've gotten from it. I was very susceptible to embarrassment as a kid too, to the point that I would remember moments I felt ashamed about for years until I could look back much much later and realize it was utterly ridiculous to feel so badly about those things. Yeah, Michael Brown even talks about numbing in ways although I only experienced some emotional numbness, not physical. I don't think people have any idea of the effect they have on others most of the time, so the people who made you feel bad probably didn't mean to harm you, not that that makes much difference now. Anyway, it's worthwhile to get back in touch with your feelings, good luck to you if you want to try :)
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