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11 replies, Replies 1 to 10

It's about time for a relationship post.

Sherlock wrote:
gave her up for a girl who does not care if you live or die. When a girl says she wants to be friends, it means you are dead to her.

Just wanted to update and say that me and girl no.1 are best of friends and she does care if I live or die! (having recently narrowly avoided death).
I'm personally not a fan of the discourses that say hetero women aren't interested in platonic male friendships. Doesn't stack up with my experience.

I'm glad I didn't try to make things work with girl no.2 cause ultimately, she deserves better than someone who will settle for her.

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It's about time for a relationship post.

Lano wrote:
So, the girl you're "infatuated with" why aren't you dating her right now?

She's not interested in dating me. We both really enjoy each other's friendship though.

verge wrote:
you won't find it if you're infatuated with people who aren't interested in you.

This is very true.

I've decided to call it off with girl no.1 and keep dating other people. The more i think about it, I'm clearly not invested in her for it to continue, regardless of how I might feel about girl no.2

Guess I'm single again!

Thanks for your help everyone :)

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It's about time for a relationship post.

fractal.scatter wrote:
Critically, I do not think you can be friends with girl 2 and seriously develop your relationship with girl 1 at the same time. (...) friendship with her is not conducive to a forming a serious relationship with girl 1.

This is my struggle. I could never tell girl no.2 that I no longer want to be friends with her so that I can give relationship with girl no.1 my best shot.
I think I'd rather be single and friends with girl no.2 than be in a relationship with girl no.1 and not have girl no.2 in my life.

Maybe that's my answer, but I worry I'm in over my head with girl no.2 and it's a choice I might regret.

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It's about time for a relationship post.

smiley wrote:
What would happen if you tell girl #1 that you like her, but you are infatuated with someone else who doesn't feel the same way about you, and you don't want to hurt her by having divided attention?

This is what I told her at the beginning. All about the honesty! Now that she's decided she wants something more serious she's no longer okay with just being casual. This makes perfect sense, it's just that I need to make a decision about how I respond. Do I try to make something work with girl no.1 and hope that it works out?

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Meds or Me?

I don't really hold onto an idea of what a 'true me' is. I studied psyc at uni and if it taught me anything it's that our state of mind cannot be defined in isolation from our environment. A brain without an environment to interpret and to navigate our bodies through is like matter without a dimension (I didn't study physics btw).

Basically, there is no 'you not on meds', just you, right here right now, responding to meds you did or didn't take, or the stressors in your life.

Try not to put too much weight on your thoughts and feelings. On medication and in your agitated state, you'll be getting a million and one thoughts and feelings per hour, some without warning. Most will simply be the result of overstimulation - the brain trying to make sense of the world. You'll feel compelled to try and make sense of these by attributing them to something.

Practice mindfullness. Accept them as they come to you, don't try to attribute them as anything, just let them wash over you until they pass. This is not easy and takes practice.

I highly recommend you see a therapist if you aren't already. Drugs won't do you any good in the long term if your thought-habits are fuelling your anxieties, paranoia, and depression. Drugs only help you cope. The heavy lifting is in reorganising maladaptive thought patterns.

Good luck!

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Which would you choose?

It sounds like what you have is important to you.
Only give up if you're comfortable you've made whatever effort to this is worth to fix it.
You may regret giving up if you look back one day and think "why didn't I just do X or say Y. We might've figured it out"
Communication is the key. Tell your bf how you feel and work out a solution together"

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its my life

Kalinihta wrote:
it's just a song nacthoman. you're just overanalyzing. nothing good can come from this. you shouldn't try to give everything humans do a deep meaning because most things don't have any.

"Man is trapped in webs of significance he himself has spun" - Nietzche (did I spell it right?)

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its my life

Maybe she just likes Bon Jovi?

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I'm just a little bit sad.

Anonymous wrote:
I am actually in a very similar situation... it's just a different type of relationship.

I think that's great that you're okay with that. I think people can run around forever chasing a perfect fairytale ending, or they can recognise the people in life that make them happy and count them as a blessing.

We've talked about it together and she doesn't want to try force anything. She's open to it if it natural evolves from our friendship but in her mind if it's not there, there's no sense trying. I'm on a different page in that respect.

I'm just sad because I've never met anyone I've had so much in common with and it seems cruel that fate would give us all the necessary ingredients for a fulfilling relationship, but deprive us that one crucial ingredient that could kick it off.

Thanks for sharing.

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Is commitment a truly good thing?

I think there's a difference between commitment and investment. I'm committed to my job, and thats evident to people who see my work ethic and my engagement at work. But I'm not invested in it in the sense that I'm ready for leave for New opportunities.

Being committed to what's in front of me is more eof a habit I've formed I think. I like being focussed on something. But I'm invested in very little beyond my family. We have to be able to give things up if holding onto them are beyond our control.

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