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I'm about to make a major change in my life.

It's a major financial commitment, and will involve a ton of work from myself. If successful, which I believe it will be, I'll finally be able to buy a house (possibly build one like I always dreamed) and be able to move out of my parents house, and hopefully earn me the respect I deserve.

But I don't want to tell my parents about it. At all. All they seem to do is draw on the negative side of everything. Anything major that I have tried to do before they have talked me out of it. They have never done anything major at all, apart from emigrate many years ago and then returned 6 months later.

But I really don't want the negative in my life. Sure they will have some good points and maybe concerns, but I can handle it. I don't want to be boring like them, I don't want to work to live. I want to live my dream, it's not like its dangerous, or anything bad either, its just me, trying to enjoy my life and not work for money and no recognition in what I do.

I know if I don't tell them they will be majorly upset. I just can't deal with it if they know, and probably won't succeed if they try to hold my hand the whole way through like they usually do.

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Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
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life, work, live, major, negative
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Electric
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The only way you will know is to try. It's the natural course of things.
Fact is, you're supposed launch. Parents who have adult children are no longer asked for their approval. The adult children may inform the parents but it's just that, info.
If you feel the need to keep it to yourself then do so BUT what you may find along the way, is situations tend to grow. This is not saying they will grow beyond your ability to manage, but beyond your ability to hide that which you do.
A heated kernel of corn will pop.

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soco
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Do it. You will come to a point of no return. You can then tell them and that there is nothing they can do about it. If they want to go negative leave the room. Rude? Perhaps but there is no reason you need to be involved.

Help me with:

We have another hurricane coming this way.

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Anonymous
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I guess I just feel that while I am under their roof, I need permission. That's what everyone always tell me and that's what my parents think, even if I do something minor, I get the 'why didn't you tell us' lecture.

Yorick
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your parents sounds like my brain.

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Max
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Thinking it's a lecture is a negative way to look at it. Even though they may not know how to communicate with you, it's just feed back. You can run your theories by people here and if you get the same answers...then it may be a valid point.

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Anonymous
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Maybe.... but it just feels like they try to talk me out of everything. That's why I have never done anything with my life. They dismiss my ideas and goals. It's like they think I will never achieve anything so they shrug it off.

Electric
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Anonymous wrote:
it just feels like they try to talk me out of everything.

You should anticipate this

Anonymous wrote:
That's why I have never done anything with my life.

Sorry, but this is called "blaming others."

Anonymous wrote:
They dismiss my ideas and goals.

You're not going to get the validation you're hoping for, from them. They're not that kind of parents.
This is the hard part, because you love your folks and you would think their love for you in return would partially be based on an approval system...not in your case, but the show must go on.

Anonymous wrote:
It's like they think I will never achieve anything so they shrug it off.

This is a passive/aggressive control measure. It's meant to keep you where you are. It will keep working until you make a deliberate choice and act on it.

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soco
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At some point you need to let go of the apron strings. If not now... when?

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We have another hurricane coming this way.

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Max
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[‌quote Anonymous]Maybe.... but it just feels like they try to talk me out of everything.
I've heard this from friends before related to; buying a big house, co-signing a loan, taking a loan for an expensive car, moving in a partner and pushing an employer beyond what's realistic. You've heard this too. Not great stuff to remember or positive, but real. Stuff you never ignore but keep in the back of your mind to selectively recall.
There are steps to break free and with great rewards.
CYA, cover your assss.
Health routine, both physical and emotional.
Write a idea and keep a simple record.
Start a the bottom and work up.
Respect experience, but ignore fear.
Serve, do and don't over think or whine.
Earn and save. Reward after, never before.
Be polite, no sarcasm and be deaf to gossip or drama.

Try this for five days and then give yourself a reasonable reward that's healthy or goal related. Example; buy some healthy food and prepare it or take in a fun community event. Bad example; spend all weekend gaming.

There! I passed you the paton....now run your assss off and I promise after you've built up a enormous sweat you WILL feel better and someone WIll jump in and help!

A
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