I'm sick.
So im sick. Not throwing up but sore throat, can't breath, stuffed up, sneezing, runny nose, coughing, tired. Can't really talk.
So I do not want to go to therapy today
But I havent got much choice. Today is the last day I am required to go.
I have day quil and night quil. I dont feel like it's giving me any relieve from my symptoms.
I also feel tempted to take them all because my mom's co-worker
took too much And ended up in a coma for a month by accident. If you are doing it on purpose you'll probably die.
But I think id rather die a more successful way. Like a bullet.
I hope I dont get anyone else sick. I feel like a gross person.
I get sick every 2 months or so and it's so annoying cause it lasts a long time.
Nevermind wrote:
Are you bored or serious?
Work your way up with small accomplishments!
It’s your last day- maybe celebrate afterward with some ice cream, or another treat you enjoy.
Track the good things you’ve done today.
✅ Woke up on time
✅ Made the bed
✅ Fed the cats
✅ Got to therapy on time
✅ Talked things out without getting upset in therapy
Etc. mistakes happen. Let them go and don’t worry too much, but focus on each good thing you’ve done in each day and you’ll feel better about doing the things you may not want to do.
As far as getting sick- I wish I had a better solution. When somebody in my family gets sick, every body starts taking Vitamin C like crazy. Not sure if that actually helps or not, but it’s worth a try! Zinc is also supposed to fight off bacteria and help keep the bugs out of your system.
Lately I'm either sick or have allergies. I can't explain why, my diet is fine, I shouldn't be this way. The weather doesn't help at all because we have Saharan dust all the time and I'm sick of it! What I found out is that the allergy pills also help when you are sick (runny nose, sneezing). As said above, Vitamine C helps but a healthy diet is necessary and exercise.
So, today is your day! You should celebrate! give yourself a present or have some cake. Invite your cats to celebrate with you, they must be really proud their mom made it this far! You could make a list of things you'd want to accomplish, little things, like make or fix something in your room, go for a walk, cook something, read a book.. (suicide is not acceptable in this list!) It's the little things that make us feel better about ourselves.
Well I went to therapy and I told Will about all my frustrations regarding people who don't understand me, believe me and dont think I truly want to die.
He asked me " What qualifications do these people have to make such judgments?"
To which I replied "Well they arnt doctors but its a help website where you help each other out. They are the ones who called the police on me. But it really angers me when they say this is just a moment in time or that it's a cry for help"
He asked me, "Do you think I think you want to die?"
To which I replied "Well you never tell me that I dont, soo I dont know, but I dont get frustrated"
He said "I believe you do want to die which is why when your even a minute late I get worried and call. I called you, but you didnt pick up so I called DRM to ask what was going on, and they said they were late so it was no big deal."
What you people don't understand is that I have Suicidal Ideation.
I will always have Suicidal Ideation. I have had it for years and it's always gonna be on my mind even when I am happy. I have other diagnoises as well.
I Tell The Truth.
For so many years I said nothing and it was a big secret. It didn't come out till I actually tried to kill myself and thats when I started getting treatment I decided to tell the truth. Brutal, exactly as I feel and think. One of the things Will says all the time is I'm honest.
I can't get help for my problems if im not honest about them.
A seperate issue, I was concerned that I dont have empathy. I told Will and I explained why I think that I dont have empathy. (mostly for my mom) but he disagrees and gave me examples of times I have shown him that I have empathy.
You guys may not understand what I'm going through because for you, suicide was a cry for help or a temporary feeling. But that doesn't make it the case with me.
I know I SHOULD have the power and control of my life. But right now all these metal illnesses have the steering wheel and I am trying to learn how to take back control.
I dont know who I am. I feel all I am are these illnesses. And that it's ME who wants death, not the illnesses. But I am told that is not true. That somewhere I do exist. And I as a person. I am not these illnesses.
But I dont yet know if that is true.
I still think suicide is what I want.
That even if my life was happy I would still want this.
When I was closest to death, that attempt was in a moment of time where my life wasn't bad and the waters were calm. So its not just because life is tough but rather an ongoing fight.
I've been fighting this fight all my life.
I have real mental illnesses. It's more then just depression. In fact, depression isn't even the one causing the most trouble for me.
I have Depression, Sure do. Anxiety? Absolutely.
Borderline personality disorder? That too.
Ptsd. I wasnt in a war but they do say I have it.
Suicidial Ideation? Everyday.
They even are evaluating me for Schizophrenia. They said its a moderate case but they arnt sure yet. (NO. I dont think I have superpowers.)
But you know what im not? I'm not narcissist. I'm not a sociopath or a psychopath.
I dont lie or manipulate people. I dont think I'm special or better then you.
All these seperate illnesses work together to make each other worse and right now I'm trying to get myself under control with the help I'm receiving but it doesn't happen over night and I can't be expected to just be a different person in the mean time.
I'm struggling. I came here because I cant make friends in a normal environment. I know the people here are more understanding and I thought I could be raw me and potentially make some friends and improve myself with there help.
I feel like a burden though. And even the people here would be better off if im dead. I feel everyone would cheer if I'd leave.
Maybe that idea is false and it's the mental illnesses again.
I dont know.
I feel I'm losing touch with reality. I feel at least once a day I lose it and disappear somewhere else.
I'm not here to piss people off. I'm not here as a cry for help.
I'm not here for attention.
I am here cause I thought the people here would be beneficial to my life.
I try to prove whatever I say. I even thought of recording my therapy session and posting it so you guys can hear from someone with qualifications what is going on with me since I felt you'd believe him. But why can't people just trust me? I haven't given you a reason to not.
I know most everyone has been helpful. Or tried to at least.
And most the people who I felt hurt by were not intending to hurt me.
I hope this helps people understand me.
But I fear people will just rip it apart.
Then. Again. Maybe that's just me thinking wrong.
Rockster160 wrote:
Work your way up with small accomplishments!It’s your last day- maybe celebrate afterward with some ice cream, or another treat you enjoy.
Track the good things you’ve done today.
✅ Woke up on time
✅ Made the bed
✅ Fed the cats
✅ Got to therapy on time
✅ Talked things out without getting upset in therapy
Etc. mistakes happen. Let them go and don’t worry too much, but focus on each good thing you’ve done in each day and you’ll feel better about doing the things you may not want to do.As far as getting sick- I wish I had a better solution. When somebody in my family gets sick, every body starts taking Vitamin C like crazy. Not sure if that actually helps or not, but it’s worth a try! Zinc is also supposed to fight off bacteria and help keep the bugs out of your system.
Thank you. I find routine super helpful in keeping me well. Because when something bad happens (sometimes that can be just mentally), I can just focus on the next time. I know what to do. And can move past it.
I find I struggle alot with self care.
And that's what I try to do. But sometimes I get so overwhelmed when things get messed up on the schedule
That I end up curled up under a blanket.
Brushing my hair is like. An accomplishment.
I actually have a bunch of blank sheets with the day of the week and blanks for times and activities. It keeps me on track.
Yeah. I get sick quite alot.
I dont have tonsils but my ears are infected all year round. That's a different story though.
Anyway my immune system is fighting that all the time so then I got a week immune system.
I've tried taking vitamins but they make me throw up. Even when I only take a half.
I heard honey can help if your sick. So I have honey. But no idea what to do with it. I dont have any tea so would honey water still do the trick?
Kalinihta wrote:
Lately I'm either sick or have allergies. I can't explain why, my diet is fine, I shouldn't be this way. The weather doesn't help at all because we have Saharan dust all the time and I'm sick of it! What I found out is that the allergy pills also help when you are sick (runny nose, sneezing). As said above, Vitamine C helps but a healthy diet is necessary and exercise.
So, today is your day! You should celebrate! give yourself a present or have some cake. Invite your cats to celebrate with you, they must be really proud their mom made it this far! You could make a list of things you'd want to accomplish, little things, like make or fix something in your room, go for a walk, cook something, read a book.. (suicide is not acceptable in this list!) It's the little things that make us feel better about ourselves.
I'm celebrating by buying a new sims stuff pack that comes out tomorrow 😁
Thanks for sharing. I don't believe you should feel the need to "prove" yourself to anybody.
I really like what your therapist said:
"What qualifications do these people have to make such judgments?"
If somebody doesn't believe you, then that's up to them, not you. You're here to seek help. If somebody offers help- take it and read it. If somebody is being a troll or being unhelpful- ignore them. I think one of the greatest talents we can learn is the ability to filter those things. Accept the good, trash the bad.
People can really get antsy and jumpy when it comes to mentioning suicide- that's why things get a little crazy whenever it's brought up- and within reason. I'm sure many, if not all of the people who flinch when they hear that word have lost somebody dear to them because of it.
Which brings us to you- I've seen you be helpful, and you seem like a very kind and genuine person. I may not know you well- but I would personally be saddened to not have you as part of the community- never mind to lose you from this world. So let's keep up with the routines and taking things one step at a time.
Speaking of routines- if that works for you, keep doing it!
Try making a list of 100 things you need to do every day. And only do things you control. It sounds hard, but I bet you can do it if you really try. Again, only things you control.
You can do things like
"wake up before 9am"
"get out of bed before 9:30"
"shower"
"wash hair"
"wash body"
"dry hair"
"clean up bathroom" - You can break this one into more steps that are more specific to you. 😄
"eat breakfast"
"make breakfast" (This means you have to actually do something more than a bowl of cereal or something - and drive through/fast food DEFINITELY doesn't count)
"learn one new thing"
"say a nice thing to a stranger" (Internet counts)
You don't have to do them all every day, but you should try to! And I bet it will feel good to be able to scroll down the list and check off a bunch of things each day.
I'm quite OCD, so I'm a very routine-based person myself. Lists help me think and keep my mind at peace. 😄
Nevermind wrote:
I heard honey can help if your sick. So I have honey. But no idea what to do with it. I dont have any tea so would honey water still do the trick?
Honey is great for you! Honey water is fine. You can put it on toast, in your cereal. You can put it in anything! Another application I like is dissolving it into warm/hot milk. I usually do like 1 part honey 3 parts milk. So a LOT. Or you can just eat the honey plain!
We have loads of honey at my house. I was kind of raised on it- my dad used have a few honey hive farms that he collected honey from. 😋
Nevermind wrote:
OCD? I bet it drives you nuts when people say they are OCD when really they just are neat.
Surprisingly not, oddly enough!
(Although you know what bugs me? When people get a headache and say "I have a migraine." I don't get migraines, but I know people that actually get them and trust me- they're not the same as headaches.)
I think all illnesses/conditions can happen at varying degrees. Like every human technically has the genes and traits that are defined as autistic. Some more noticeable than others, and only when it gets to a significant point do we "diagnose" somebody with Autism. I think the same thing applies to things like OCD, and many others.
I think we need better words for them though. Like "feeling depressed" and "having depression" are VERY different things. But yeah- in that regard, I personally think EVERYBODY is OCD to some degree. Even the sloppiest people I know have certain compulsions that can drive them mad. Some people have more of those compulsions than others, and some people get more upset/nervous/anxious when those compulsions aren't met.
I DO wish more people understood that a true obsessive compulsion is beyond our control though. I get really irritated when people will intentionally do things they know I get obsessed over. Same thing with depression. You can't just "get over it" or pretend it's not there. Just like if you broke your leg, you can't just act like everything is fine and it magically goes away. Sorry- doesn't work like that!
Lucky you! I get headaches all the time.
But I also spend the majority of my time behind a screen. 🤷♂️
I rarely get sick though. MAYBE 1 bed-ridden/work-missing illness each year. Then a cold or something a couple times during the year. Must be all the honey. 😉
Must be.
Rockster160 wrote:
Lucky you! I get headaches all the time.
But I also spend the majority of my time behind a screen. 🤷♂️I rarely get sick though. MAYBE 1 bed-ridden/work-missing illness each year. Then a cold or something a couple times during the year. Must be all the honey. 😉
Thankyou for being so honest, Nevermind. I found it thought provoking and endearing.
You're right. None of us actually know you as a person and after reading that I think that will change.
We are fighting our own wars at the end of the day,but if we all stand together (as a community) we have more chance of winning.
To successfully kill yourself through an overdose is not easy to do.
You can survive surprisingly high doses.
You are more likely to cause internal damage and organ calibre than to die.
As for your illness - increase your vitamin c intake, it will help fight it off .
OK, Nevermind, I want to put your mind at rest.
You ARE going to die. Happens to everyone. So you can stop worrying about it.
Now you can focus on living, on doing things you want to do. Death will take care of itself.
If you will live a meaningful life, then death is the least of your worries. And when it does come, you will know that it is simply a transition.
It is not the end. It is the beginning.
But you don't rush it because you still have many, many, many things to do. You have part of a Plan to fulfill. Knowing that you have a part to play is the first step in understanding the reason for your existence.
Now, please work on getting the junk thoughts out of your mind. Yes, it IS a mental discipline, a kind of Shaolin kung-fu to defeat negative thoughts.
Never be afraid to enlist help.
We are all on a journey.
And we are not meant to journey alone.
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