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music=life
last online: 03/02, 13:45
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I think my ex is engaged and I wish it didn’t hurt me.

He was my best friend and first love and now he’s gone and there is a void. He left me for this other girl because he knew I was too young for him and not ready to settle down. But we had talked about marriage and having kids but I guess it wasn’t enough. When we first broke up I reacted badly and slept around to try and feel better and ended up getting taken advantage of. So why do I still miss him? I just want my best friend back

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Since writing this post music=life may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
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feel, friend, advantage, slept, ended
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Anonymous
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(11 hours after post)
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Assuming you separated for good reasons, you may not even miss him. I think you might actually be missing the potential of you and him as a couple. You're seeing, after the fact, what could have been. Maybe you even feel it should have been. It is very difficult to get over 'what could have been' or 'what should have been'.

This could be an opportunity to take as much time as needed to heal and move on, or even be happier with someone else. It will take meeting and getting to know someone and going through the steps to reach that point, but it will be worth it to find the right person that's the best fit for you.

There's no way you and your ex can ever be happy together if you aren't both on the same page. It's really a good thing if he told you he's not on the same page.

Staying and trying to be happy when you know you probably never will, wouldn't do either of you any good.

It wouldn't be fair to either of you.


Nothing anyone can say to you will make the pain of it go away though. I don't expect my reply to help much. Other than to maybe give your mind something to ponder and help give you some patience to let your feelings run their course.

Focusing on the reality of your situation rather than focusing on the 'what could have been' is what you need now. Take care of you the best you can. And even if these feelings are distracting or cause you pain now, try and remember that the best chance to process them, understand them, put them into perspective and move on, requires time.

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
Sherlock
last online: 07/08, 10:43
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(16 hours after post)
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When you "slept around," it probably got back to him and he figured you were wanting to hurt him with your behavior. That's not a certainty, but it's a definite possibility.

You don't say what your age and his was, but it may have been that you were just too young to get married.

People should be on their own for a few years before getting married. Otherwise they tend to have unrealistic expectations of each other.

You must have broken up for a reason. You can "what if" yourself to death after these things happen. But better to break up than to divorce!

Bejbybird
Mya
last online: 08/21, 7:48
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(20 hours after post)
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Sending a BIIIIG hug, music=life ***xxx

1581744157174 1581744149313 miss bot
soco
last online: 03/19, 3:49
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(1 day after post)
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That ship has sailed. Time to move on. Better now having taken this little side journey.

Help me with:

We have another hurricane coming this way.

43ca60d0 2fa2 42fe b234 d2ff6891f6dc
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music=life
last online: 03/02, 13:45
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(2 days after post)
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My brain agrees with everything you guys are saying. But my heart just won’t let me move on and I honestly don’t know how to move on

Bejbybird
Mya
last online: 08/21, 7:48
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(2 days after post)
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music=life wrote:
My brain agrees with everything you guys are saying. But my heart just won’t let me move on and I honestly don’t know how to move on

:( im the same...

Mission : Overriding Heart commences! ;)

https://cdn.drawception.com/images/panels/2017/...

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
Sherlock
last online: 07/08, 10:43
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(2 days after post)
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If it were meant to be, you would still be together.

All who have loved have at least once lost someone they loved.

Bejbybird
Mya
last online: 08/21, 7:48
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(3 days after post)
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Sherlock wrote:
If it were meant to be, you would still be together.

All who have loved have at least once lost someone they loved.

It is true that it is never easy to lose someone who we love.. However, sometimes it is even harder - http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/intense-at....

https://scontent.flhr1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9...

I hope it is not the case for music=life, but I am battling a massive anxiety and a full blown ptsd from this guy and only after a month! :/

My brain is still refusing to accept the reality and keeps telling me that something bad must have happened to him; that's why he has not been in touch, and that I should go and check on him.. Although, I know that by now he's probably been with another woman (or two)..

1581744157174 1581744149313 miss bot
soco
last online: 03/19, 3:49
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(3 days after post)
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It is totally up to you. Sit at home in silence and have a pity party for one.
Or... stand up. Dream forward. And move forcibly in that positive direction. No one can do it for you. Motivation has to come from within.

Help me with:

We have another hurricane coming this way.

Shanks
MartinD
last online: 07/27, 17:35
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(4 days after post)
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soco wrote:
It is totally up to you. Sit at home in silence and have a pity party for one.
Or... stand up. Dream forward. And move forcibly in that positive direction. No one can do it for you. Motivation has to come from within.

She's right. Wallowing in self pity only reminds you of the past. You can't change the past. Just accept that its done, and worry about yourself and where your future lies.

Personally I found keeping myself overly busy was a great way to move on from a broken heart.

Bejbybird
Mya
last online: 08/21, 7:48
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(5 days after post)
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soco wrote:
It is totally up to you. Sit at home in silence and have a pity party for one.
Or... stand up. Dream forward. And move forcibly in that positive direction. No one can do it for you. Motivation has to come from within.

MartinD wrote:

She's right. Wallowing in self pity only reminds you of the past. You can't change the past. Just accept that its done, and worry about yourself and where your future lies.

Personally I found keeping myself overly busy was a great way to move on from a broken heart.

Guys, but music=life wrote that he was her FIRST love (& a best friend).. The first break up not only 'deserves' some grief and mourning for the lost love, but it is even necessary for healing.. so then one can move on.

And btw, she also wrote she THINKS he is engaged.. so he might not be.

https://scontent.flhr1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9...

1581744157174 1581744149313 miss bot
soco
last online: 03/19, 3:49
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(5 days after post)
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The best way to get over #1 is to start a friendship with #2. Or #3, 4, 5, 12...

Help me with:

We have another hurricane coming this way.

43ca60d0 2fa2 42fe b234 d2ff6891f6dc
Original Poster
music=life
last online: 03/02, 13:45
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(5 days after post)
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Thanks guys. I know I need to get over it. It’s just so easy to curl up and have a pitty party when your life seems to be falling apart. I know I shouldn’t be looking at his new gf Instagram bc I know it just hurts me more. I know I shouldn’t hope that he’ll text me but I do. The hard thing about all of this is that I know exactly what not to do and what to do to feel better but for some reason I can’t do it.

Bejbybird
Mya
last online: 08/21, 7:48
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(6 days after post)
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music=life wrote:
Thanks guys. I know I need to get over it. It’s just so easy to curl up and have a pitty party when your life seems to be falling apart. I know I shouldn’t be looking at his new gf Instagram bc I know it just hurts me more. I know I shouldn’t hope that he’ll text me but I do. The hard thing about all of this is that I know exactly what not to do and what to do to feel better but for some reason I can’t do it.

I find letting go extremely difficult also and invest a lot in relationships.. This time I began playing badminton with a group of new folks whom I had never met before and it did work 'magic'..

If you don't want to start dating again, consider joining some sports' groups or new hobbies with other people to take your mind of him.

I hope you will be able to move forward and find happiness & love soon, music=life xx

43ca60d0 2fa2 42fe b234 d2ff6891f6dc
Original Poster
music=life
last online: 03/02, 13:45
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(1 week after post)
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It’s official he is engaged and I don’t think I’ve ever felt more broken

Bejbybird
Mya
last online: 08/21, 7:48
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(1 week after post)
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music=life wrote:
It’s official he is engaged and I don’t think I’ve ever felt more broken

:(

..i was finally able to cry and weep for almost two straight days on Friday and Saturday (in my car mostly, on the motorway; passers by might have thought that i have a howling wolf in there! ;) But it did work a miracle!)

Grieving is healing.. Better than sleeping around (which i used to do, too), or any other unhealthy way of copying like drinking/drugs (overeating in my case) etc.

The right guy will come along.. usually it indeed happens at a time when we are not looking at all.

I must say i am enjoying attention I am getting now.. I bought some nice clothes recently for a guy who i was seeing for a month after 8 years not dating, and although he himself treated me badly, the other guys treat me like a queen, and I am loving it! Really temted to start dating again, or even there's a possibility that I will have a male housemate - met him yesterday - it went really well! 8)

I am hoping to see you happy soon, too, music=life xx

43ca60d0 2fa2 42fe b234 d2ff6891f6dc
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music=life
last online: 03/02, 13:45
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(1 week after post)
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This was the kick in my butt that I needed. My way of coping these last few weeks was having the delusional thought that they weren’t engaged and that he still loves me and would one day come back to me. I know it was an unhealthy fantasy but it made me feel better. Now that is shattered and I need to stop stalking them on social media and accept that is was not meant to be and pull my ****shit together. I’m starting in baby steps by blocking them so I physically can’t see what they post

1581744157174 1581744149313 miss bot
soco
last online: 03/19, 3:49
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(1 week after post)
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Baby steps is okay, but I'd rather see you get out the bolt cutters.
https://www.facebook.com/562353301/posts/101555...

Help me with:

We have another hurricane coming this way.

Bejbybird
Mya
last online: 08/21, 7:48
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(1 week after post)
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Stay strong, you can do this! You can move on and be free to love again xx

Bejbybird
Mya
last online: 08/21, 7:48
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(1 week after post)
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