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I talk a lot about my dad.


Everyone is free to have their opinions but when I spent a week with my cousin kept questioning me.
She doesnt understand why I'd like, love or care about him at all.
I found it annoying.
She was like annoyed and would say things like "He locked you in your room"
Basement actually. But yes there were bad parts. But there were more good parts.
My dad was a good dad. Sometimes he took things too far. And there was a period in which is was so horrible I just wanted to die. I wanted to do anything to not go home. He made mistakes. I made mistakes.

I choose to focus on the good and love him.
I cant just choose not too. Maybe it's my mental illnesses but I love him and I choose to forget the mistakes and remember the good.
She said that she didnt like my dad even when we were toddlers. The time I like him. My dad has a resting angry face. He seems aggressive in his tone with us. And his threats. So the impression people would get is that he wasnt good. When actually they just didnt know him.

She doesnt understand. She was raised very different. In fact we didnt even know each other growing up after being split from the family as a toddler.
She knows the gossip in the family and what her mom told her.
I havent actually discussed it with the family so. No one has the right to say.

I get tired of always being questioned and told my feelings are wrong.

Who is anyone else to say when they didn't live it, they weren't there, they weren't even in my life till after.

It gets exhausting because I actively live for my dad. I cant stop my thinking that way. If dad wouldnt be happy with me I wanna change or die. I know that's wrong. I'm not some creepy pervert. I just wish I could be a great daughter. Whenni feel I'm a bad daughter or one he wouldn't like I feel he'd love me only if I was dead.

I know I have issues. But you can't focus on the bad when most of it was good.
My dad is not the devil. My cousin had a different upbringing. She didnt go through the things I did. She lives a good live with stable, married, parents and good and a home and them allowing her to thrive in any way. They even let her go to Madagascar for missionary work. They pay for her out of state college.

We lived differently. She loves her father and that's good. Just because I lived differently, in tougher circumstances doesnt mean my dad is 100%, bad. I love the good man. Not the bad parts or mistakes of the man. Humans make mistakes. I make a ton of them so how can I judge and hate when I am the same?

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Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
Post Tags (5)
love, good, bad, dad, mistakes
Replies (4)
Happy earth
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last online: 11/26, 18:47
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(8 hours after post)
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It's ok to love someone who has been bad to you, but just don't let them continue hurting you. If you love someone you will tell them when they are wrong so they have an opportunity to correct themselves, and if they won't, you will distance yourself so they know you are serious.

Plus you need to keep yourself safe.

It's ok to love someone who is bad, but it's not ok to enable and encourage the bad behaviors.

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music=life
last online: 03/02, 13:45
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I think it shows a lot of strength to forgive someone who’s hurt you and love them after. But I want to make sure that you don’t change for anyone but yourself. You need to love yourself unconditionally

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Araz
last online: 12/14, 0:56
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(21 hours after post)
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In addition to what others have said, I feel like I need to address this:

“It gets exhausting because I actively live for my dad. I cant stop my thinking that way. If dad wouldnt be happy with me I wanna change or die. I know that's wrong. I'm not some creepy pervert. I just wish I could be a great daughter. Whenni feel I'm a bad daughter or one he wouldn't like I feel he'd love me only if I was dead.”

This is concerning. If you determine your self worth by someone else’s standards, you’re putting your life in their hands. You have said as much in this paragraph.

I love my parents. I value their opinions. I live, however, my own life. Can you say the same?

I have to ask - you say you CANT stop living this way. Have you thought about seeing a therapist? I think it might be helpful. I don’t know that I’m qualified to untangle this Oedipal web. ❤️

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soco
last online: 03/19, 3:49
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I, for one, am glad you found the time to put this beautiful message together. Nobody is perfect. This includes you, your dad, and your cousin. We don't have to like it or understand it. But this is your life story not ours. There in lies the difference.

Help me with:

We have another hurricane coming this way.

A
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