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music=life
last online: 03/02, 13:45
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Need help writing a text.

I have been casually seeing this guy since July. We are essentially friends with benefits. We really only talk once a week and meet up every 3 weeks. I am not seeking a relationship with him but I want to know if that is what he thinks it will lead to or if he wants to peacefully break things off. He’s mentioned that he needs to get his life together and the possibility of an arranged marriage. I just want to ask him what’s going on so that I get a clear answer. Any suggestions?

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Since writing this post music=life may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
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answer, suggestions, clear, marriage, arranged
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Happy earth
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Oh geez, arranged marriage? Let me guess - he doesn't know (or doesn't particularly like) the woman, but he has to marry her to please his parents?

Definitely don't expect to ever be more than casual friends with benefits, though it wouldn't surprise me if he doesn't mind continuing as-is even after the marriage.

I'm not eloquent, I can't help you compose a message to him. Why not just be straightforward and ask "what are you hoping to accomplish with this relationship? Should we just end it now or does it have some sort of rewarding future?"

43ca60d0 2fa2 42fe b234 d2ff6891f6dc
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music=life
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I would never maintain a relationship with someone who is married. I’ve been cheated on and would never do that.

The thing is that I don’t want to be serious with this guy. So I don’t want to ask if he wants a relationship bc if he says yes idk if that is what I am ready for. I really just want to know if he wants to continue things the way they are or end it sooner rather than later?

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verge
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His position looks pretty clear to me as an outsider. The question is what do you want? If you know what you want then you can make it happen. Trying to gauge where he is in his life, especially if he's kinda lost, is not going to point you in any meaningful direction. You have to face what you want and figure out if spending time with this guy, who most likely doesn't have a clue what he wants, is working for you.

43ca60d0 2fa2 42fe b234 d2ff6891f6dc
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music=life
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verge wrote:
His position looks pretty clear to me as an outsider. The question is what do you want? If you know what you want then you can make it happen. Trying to gauge where he is in his life, especially if he's kinda lost, is not going to point you in any meaningful direction. You have to face what you want and figure out if spending time with this guy, who most likely doesn't have a clue what he wants, is working for you.

That’s exactly it but if I just send him a text with what do you want it’s going to leave to confusion. I just don’t know how to word all that

Happy earth
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How about something along the lines of "you know I'm not looking for a relationship. I just wonder if you are happy with the way things are. If it's easier for you, we can end things now. I wouldn't want to come between you and your future arranged wife. If you're cool with continuing, that's ok too."

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verge
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Sorry, I worded my response poorly, I meant to suggest that you figure out exactly what you want from him and tell him.

43ca60d0 2fa2 42fe b234 d2ff6891f6dc
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music=life
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verge wrote:
Sorry, I worded my response poorly, I meant to suggest that you figure out exactly what you want from him and tell him.

ahh good call

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Araz
last online: 12/14, 0:56
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music=life wrote:

verge wrote:
Sorry, I worded my response poorly, I meant to suggest that you figure out exactly what you want from him and tell him.

ahh good call

Yes! What exactly do you want, music=life? Do you want to break up soon?

43ca60d0 2fa2 42fe b234 d2ff6891f6dc
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music=life
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Araz wrote:

music=life wrote:

verge wrote:
Sorry, I worded my response poorly, I meant to suggest that you figure out exactly what you want from him and tell him.

ahh good call

Yes! What exactly do you want, music=life? Do you want to break up soon?

I think that might be the best decision. It’s just been nice to have a person I can reach out to even if it’s for a hookup. I feel needed and I feel like I have someone.

I’ve been in bad relationships in the past so that is not something I want right now. If I end things I won’t seek out any type of friends with benefits with someone new. I am using this relationship as a way to just be around a person. I feel isolated where I am and as hard as I try it is not going to change until I get and new job and move back to the city.

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Araz
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music=life wrote:

Araz wrote:

music=life wrote:


[quote from verge]

ahh good call

Yes! What exactly do you want, music=life? Do you want to break up soon?

I think that might be the best decision. It’s just been nice to have a person I can reach out to even if it’s for a hookup. I feel needed and I feel like I have someone.

I’ve been in bad relationships in the past so that is not something I want right now. If I end things I won’t seek out any type of friends with benefits with someone new. I am using this relationship as a way to just be around a person. I feel isolated where I am and as hard as I try it is not going to change until I get and new job and move back to the city.

Do you think maybe this person would be interested in being just friends? And are you thinking about getting out of the friends with benefit deal right now because of what others might say or because you’re afraid he might want to be in a relationship?

Sorry for all of the questions lol Im just trying to get clarification before I go spouting off some advice that may or may not fit your needs.

43ca60d0 2fa2 42fe b234 d2ff6891f6dc
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music=life
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@Araz I’m scared he might eventually want a relationship and I don’t want to hurt him

Happy earth
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music=life wrote:
@Araz I’m scared he might eventually want a relationship and I don’t want to hurt him

Why not just tell him that?

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Araz
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music=life wrote:
@Araz I’m scared he might eventually want a relationship and I don’t want to hurt him

I see :( I would ask him. I would probably text him something along the lines of “Hey, I’m just trying to get a feel for what our situation is - I’m not in a place to be in a relationship but I enjoy spending time with you. How does that work for you?”

That kind of puts the ball in his court but also it lets him down gently if he is heading towards being in a relationship with you.

43ca60d0 2fa2 42fe b234 d2ff6891f6dc
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music=life
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Araz wrote:

music=life wrote:
@Araz I’m scared he might eventually want a relationship and I don’t want to hurt him

I see :( I would ask him. I would probably text him something along the lines of “Hey, I’m just trying to get a feel for what our situation is - I’m not in a place to be in a relationship but I enjoy spending time with you. How does that work for you?”

That kind of puts the ball in his court but also it lets him down gently if he is heading towards being in a relationship with you.

This is perfect

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Araz
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music=life wrote:
This is perfect

Yay!

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last online: 11/28, 9:31
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From my experience if its just FWB then thats all it will be. Personally I would leave it alone and continue as is if your happy with it. If he does decide he wants more than you can decide then. But right now it just seems like your both happy shagging and thats that.

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But I do wonder if you secretly want this to be more than it is? If your being truly honest with yourself?

43ca60d0 2fa2 42fe b234 d2ff6891f6dc
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music=life
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I honestly don’t. He would be the worst boyfriend. We met up yesterday and then he told me once I drove to him he only had 15 minutes. I was very annoyed and am going to cool things off for a while.

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