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2,106 replies, Replies 961 to 970

I think my ex is engaged and I wish it didn’t hurt me.

Baby steps is okay, but I'd rather see you get out the bolt cutters.
https://www.facebook.com/562353301/posts/101555...

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I have a date this Friday and I just don’t know.

Don't be afraid to ask friends if you could tag along with them for a few evenings. Insist on paying your own share. Shopping, movies, happy hour, or perhaps a live band at a nice drinking establishment. Have fun. Quit concentrating on your lack of marriage material. When you least expect it, he will emerge above the fray.

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Hello HelpQA family..

Can't complain.

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My mum could win a million pounds tomorrow.

766

 WeHaveKids»Family Relationships

When and How to Cut the Ties of Bad Family Relationships

Updated on February 21, 2018
What Is Family?

In just a few words... family defines us. It's a significant part of who we are to the core. An interesting thing about families is that people can tolerate more bad than good, and even a strained relationship can still be considered satisfying for both people.

Families can be the ones who drive you nuts, but are also there by your side in tough spots. That's a fair trade: Take the good with the bad. Family members are the ones who've seen us at our best and worst, and the love is consistently and unconditionally there... or should be. The key ingredients in a healthy relationship are acceptance, love, the ability to agree to disagree at times, and mutual respect without having to change or control each other.

These are ideal conditions though, and for some it's never been this way with certain family members. These relationships, when stressed or tense, are the worst to endure because our family means so much to us. Unfortunately, many people are faced with the excruciating decision of whether or not to continue a strained family relationship with a parent, sibling, grandparent, son, or daughter. If you have to cut the ties, it's usually because you feel you have endured years of discontent (or even abuse) and you have no other choice. Many who are reading this have endured too long.

Just because someone shares some DNA with you they get to take your stuff? Call you names? Demean you? Sabotage your relationships and career? No way!

— Dr. Phil McGraw

Evaluating the Relationship

Chances are you've been evaluating the strained relationship for awhile, but committing to cutting the ties brings on feelings of guilt, failure, emptiness, doubt, abandonment, and even grief— mostly from everyone else in the family.

No matter how strained, intolerable, and/or abusive the relationship is, it's a difficult decision to make. Asking yourself the questions below can help.

What's the history? Psychologists have an old saying: "The best prediction of future behavior is past behavior." Having extensive history is what hurts the most when breaking up with a family member, but if that history has been chronically negative, this can make it easier to make an informed and intuitive decision. It will be hard to let go of the relationship if there were good times, but easier to cut ties if it's been a long, torturous road in general. Sometimes it helps to put it all on paper— one column for positives and one for negatives—so that you can see both sides objectively. Watch our for patterns that show the relationship is getting progressively worse. Also, if they keep insisting they've changed, then keep your eyes open to determine if that is indeed true. Even if they have changed, they still need to earn your trust again and be patient with you.Who else is affected by this relationship? Sometimes, breaking ties with one person means you could have the entire family upset with you. What a weight on your shoulders! It's important to manage other family relationships and evaluate the effects on others as well, but don't feel entirely responsible for everyone's feelings. Will breaking ties effect others? Is this person so awful that it's worth upsetting the family unit? Will other family members support your decision? Don't hesitate to cut ties if the only reason you are keeping contact is for other family members’ comfort. Group enabling is sad but common.How is the stress effecting your personal life and current family? Many people get confused and think their parents or the family they were born into is more important than the family they build for themselves. This is wrong. Your wife and/or husband now take precedence over your mom and/or dad, so don't tolerate original family members if they negatively effect your current family: You are responsible for their well-being and action must be taken. Preferably you, rather than your spouse, should handle your family members.What's your role? We take on a label or role from an early age in the family unit. Sometimes we get stuck in that role and transfer it into our lives beyond the family. Often, moving away symbolizes a new life away from our family. Later this can cause issues between Family or instead it can ease tension by being located towns or states away! Your role in the family could be "the baby”, the “troubled one”, “shy one”. Or you might be "the fixer“ and “mediator” - one keeps the peace at all costs, taking care of everyone. Sometimes a family needs a scapegoat, one to blame everything on. Thise willing to speak up, or the squeaky wheel, are usually the people who are ostracized. Don’t let the family problems fall on your back if you choose to change your position within the family.

You can find more advice here: https://wehavekids.com/family-relationships/Str...

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How to stop stress?

You still have Yellow Pages where you live? If so go to the listings for Physicians. Most of the larger listings will include a picture of the physician taken 25-30 years ago. Look at the picture for a good 15, 20 seconds.

You just saw a doctor.
You're welcome....

Hope you feel better soon.

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Is this site still owned by CBS?

mo84 wrote:
Thanks. I used to be on the CBS version of it years ago and I got an email recently that the site was back and I happened to actually see that email because I get a lot of emails.

We could use a few more people here. So if you know of anybody that would benefit from us, send out some emails of your own. The more use it gets the higher up the Google search pole we go.

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I have a date this Friday and I just don’t know.

I think you should go. With or without someone - you need to spread your wings. Take in an event where others are around. A concert, movie, sporting event. Enjoy the atmosphere around you. Be in the moment. Have fun!

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I have a date this Friday and I just don’t know.

If you still want to go see a movie, I'll pay for it.

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Cultural appropriation?

Did she come up with this on her own? Probably not. And classmates will find all sorts of reasons to bully someone. The best thing you can do is tell her the truth. How others see her should not be her truth. They simply don't know her heritage. They are prejudging based on skin color. That is not the truth. Make sure she understands that.
And no matter what, it will not change the level of love she receives from you.

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Thinking of moving to USA, i know its massive so am trying to figure out where would be the best place for me to move too.

Cannot recommend San Francisco any more .
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/families-earning-11...

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