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11 replies, Replies 1 to 10

I got Married year before.

Path of least effort seems to apply here... How long would the argument last for you to win and the party to not happen? How long will the party last?

This type of analysis helps you to really look at your life and decide what is worth the effort of changing.

That was for the party specifically. Now for the marriage as a whole.

Love is a ONE WAY STREET! You can not expect another to sacrifice XYZ for you because you are sacrificing ABC. Why? Simple. What value do you put on the things you are sacrificing? What value does your spouse put on those same things? These are not equal values. They are subjective to the individual and its a non exchangeable currency.

Love is not an emotion. Love is directly measurable on a case by case basis. Love is simply the measure of what you will give up to keep her in your life.

If you won't give up Friday nights at the bar for her, that's fine! It may end the relationship but that would be better for you. If it doesn't end the relationship it's because she loves you enough to sacrifice the Friday nights together to give you that social time you need.

With the above example, for that particular instance she loves you more than you love her. During the party you are not enjoying, you are the one loving more than she.

The point isn't to compare. The point is that if you don't love her enough to "suffer" a condition AND she doesn't love you enough to "suffer" not having that condition, the relationship is going to end. If you are OK with that, then let it end.

If you really want her in your life for the rest of your life, then figure out what its worth to you and make that clear and CONSISTENT! Constantly changing your mind on whats OK and whats not makes you impossible to get along with... (Not blaming you for doing that, just pointing it out as a warning.) Same goes for kids. Keep the rules of your relationships simple and consistent and no one will be second guessing or assuming anything.

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I need to forget about a guy..

Itemize the list of things to give up. Add a big slash OR slash and his name on the other side. Look at that every day.

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Iโ€™m scared.

Your fight/flight response lasts about 3 seconds. After that its a choice and a habit forming one at that. Get into the habit of choosing to step forward instead of back.

That's not an easy suggestion to follow... It's rather hard in fact. A lot of things in life are hard at first. It would be really awesome if we had perfect memory from birth! Remembering all the pain we went through just learning to walk, run, jump, ride etc. would go a long way in reminding us that worthwhile things take effort and pain over time to learn well enough that they are truly fun and enjoyable!

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Suicide.

Pick 5 people that you know and admire. Do everything you can to be around them as much as possible.

Pick 5 people you know and do not ever want to be like. Do what ever you can to not be around them as much as possible. Cut them out of your life as completely as you can. And remember that this means no arguing with them either... That's time spent with them! Reduce it by just getting out of the conversation ASAP!

This will have a dramatic impact on your life in 3 months if you can maintain it!

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I need to forget about a guy..

Love is not an emotion. Like is. Lust certainly is.

Love is the measure of what you are willing to sacrifice to keep someone in your life. Or even to keep them in your moment right at that moment. There are times when we love our book/TV show/game/night out with friends/food more than our significant others... That's OK!

Love is also a one way street. It isn't what they are willing to sacrifice to stay with you... Only what you are willing to sacrifice to stay with them. There love for you IS INDEPENDENT and SEPARATE from your love for them! Don't get into the argument of what you give up for them and comparing that to what they give up for you! The values are all subjective and coffee may have a much greater/lesser significance to them than it does to you.

So, look at that guy and think about what you like about him and ask yourself, is it worth the sacrifice to keep him in my life? What do I really need to give up to have this work? List those things. If you are not willing to loose them... There is your answer.

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Way over due

Make the real leap... Go Linux! You will be glad you did and never look back! As long as you give yourself the time needed to really learn it the way you did Windows.

I haven't paid for an upgrade or update in 14 years... Its been amazing.

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Iโ€™m scared.

You would rather hide from a problem than face and deal with it? You realize that there are two ways to measure suffering. Duration and severity. Hiding is lower severity that dealing with it. But the duration is constant and never ending for as long as you hide.

Dealing with a problem is harder than avoiding it in the short term. But the pain is only more severe for a short time, then its gone.

Stop hiding and deal with it. The rest of your life isn't worth sacrificing just to avoid one guy...

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A Self Introduction

Yes I was part of the CNet days.

Thanks.

I did leave for quite some time... Hotel California you can't leave. This its a choice. So, bad analogy. Stop defusing this optimists dream of helping people with defeatism, depression and feelings of uselessness.

Thanks. No better time then the present to remedy that. I'm Sully, nice to meet you.

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Suicide.

What is the point of your post? You don't want to be told what to do but you are asking... I am confused.

And just as a reference point, 99% of your problems are insignificant. This is the case with everyone. The sooner you can sink that into your head the sooner you will learn how to make your life happy.

You are the one that controls your reactions to other people. So, even if you think you are spending your life simply reacting and not actually acting, you are still in control. 100% of our lives is our own fault.

If you think the gym is a good place to make new friends with similar mindsets to what you want to have, you control whether or not you go there. Don't look for validation from others for a choice you have already made.

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A Self Introduction

I was an admin on the old help for a while. And a mod for a lot longer.

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