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music=life
last online: 03/02, 13:45
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I’m scared.

I made some bad decisions about guys this year and was taken advantage of. Since then I deleted all social media and isolated myself from friends. I want to get back out there but I am terrified. I have a fb because I volunteer at an animal shelter and that is how we communicate. But even that has no information about me or pictures bc I don’t want that guy to find me. He did and although I blocked him I am terrified to interact with anyone. I feel stuck and scared to do anything

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Since writing this post music=life may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
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feel, stuck, scared, terrified, interact
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Rockster160
last online: <time class="timeago" datetime="1714402607" title="Apr 29, 2024 14:56">Apr 29, 2024 14:56</time>
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Can you report him? Get a restraining order?

43ca60d0 2fa2 42fe b234 d2ff6891f6dc
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music=life
last online: 03/02, 13:45
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I’d rather hide from him than have to go through all that

Electric
BA1
last online: 01/25, 20:20
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Just remember that you have real life friends that ALSO care about you.
Once he realizes that, he should let you alone.

43ca60d0 2fa2 42fe b234 d2ff6891f6dc
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music=life
last online: 03/02, 13:45
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BIG-AL-ONE wrote:
Just remember that you have real life friends that ALSO care about you.
Once he realizes that, he should let you alone.

I’ve disconnected with everyone. I had to change my number and essentially disappear

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Sully
last online: 07/05, 6:08
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You would rather hide from a problem than face and deal with it? You realize that there are two ways to measure suffering. Duration and severity. Hiding is lower severity that dealing with it. But the duration is constant and never ending for as long as you hide.

Dealing with a problem is harder than avoiding it in the short term. But the pain is only more severe for a short time, then its gone.

Stop hiding and deal with it. The rest of your life isn't worth sacrificing just to avoid one guy...

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soco
last online: 03/19, 3:49
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I would report it. He probably has done this to others. He may already have a criminal record. He needs to be behind bars so he does not make somebody else feel like this.

By keeping it a secret, he wins. That is what he counts on after all.

Help me with:

We have another hurricane coming this way.

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Evansent
last online: 08/18, 9:33
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(11 hours after post)
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Sounds like this guy messed you up big and proper. Is it worth talking to the Police about him?
He could be doing this to someone else and if things are as bad as you say they are,he’s better behind bars.

Happy earth
smiley
last online: 11/26, 18:47
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(13 hours after post)
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You're going to have to just get out there again, or you'll end up being a recluse for the rest of your life.

43ca60d0 2fa2 42fe b234 d2ff6891f6dc
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music=life
last online: 03/02, 13:45
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(14 hours after post)
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All of this sounds like the right thing but I’m not brave enough and there is no proof. If I acted I should have done it a while ago. I know I should but I can’t

8c4b2750 eacb 4bb1 8471 bb64a37cbd76
~CaitherrA~
last online: 12/27, 3:55
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You can get a temp restraining order very easily and with no evidence. Just tell them you feel at risk and uncomfortable. You can speak with somebody about your past and they won't hesitate to give you a restraining order.

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Hello everyone!

Bejbybird
Mya
last online: 08/21, 7:48
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I had a restraining order against my ex 15 years ago. It was a hell, and police laughing in my face. I do hope things have changed since then..!

However, I strongly suggest you seek some professional help about this. Could you afford a lawyer? Could you contact a local women's shelter as they will have experience with restraining orders locally to you and how the police takes it. They can provide the support you need.

It is wrong from him to make you feel like this, and you should not need to isolate yourself. If you don't feel safe, call the police. If you don't think you are in an immediate danger, please, get other help!

Hope things will go well for you xx

43ca60d0 2fa2 42fe b234 d2ff6891f6dc
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music=life
last online: 03/02, 13:45
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(3 days after post)
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That’s good to know about the temporary restraining order. Since blocking him he hasn’t been able to contact me, which is good. And even though I know he can’t find me I still am scared. If he does find a way to contact me I will definitely seek help getting a restraining order

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
Sherlock
last online: 07/08, 10:43
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(3 days after post)
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Empower yourself. Take self-defense classes. Where weapons are legal, learn to use one. You aren't going to be looking for trouble, you just want to be prepared if it finds you.

A life lived in fear isn't worth living. Meet your fears head-on!

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Sully
last online: 07/05, 6:08
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(3 days after post)
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Your fight/flight response lasts about 3 seconds. After that its a choice and a habit forming one at that. Get into the habit of choosing to step forward instead of back.

That's not an easy suggestion to follow... It's rather hard in fact. A lot of things in life are hard at first. It would be really awesome if we had perfect memory from birth! Remembering all the pain we went through just learning to walk, run, jump, ride etc. would go a long way in reminding us that worthwhile things take effort and pain over time to learn well enough that they are truly fun and enjoyable!

Bejbybird
Mya
last online: 08/21, 7:48
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I am sorry he put you in this situation, music=life. Your instincts are probably good to tell you to be cautious. However, feeling scared might prevent you from seeing things right, and making the right decisions.

I would strongly recommend getting support from professionals. There are online helplines with stalking also.

I do hope that this guy will get the message and leave you alone, but being informed and prepared will give you an advantage.

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
Sherlock
last online: 07/08, 10:43
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(1 week after post)
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Restraining orders, of course, are just a piece of paper. Lots of women have died by the hand of an abusive boyfriend or spouse who had a restraining order against him. Of course, there are some men who have had to take out restraining orders against women!

If you had to walk down a path through the forest, and you knew there were bears about, what would you do? I know that I, as a minimum, would get some bear spray!

One thing I became convinced of early in life was that I am responsible for my own safety and security. Police arrive after the crime has been committed to do the cleanup work. Sometimes the victims did not survive.

There are, however, "equalizers" available, and I would direct your attention to those. They are not, of course, for everybody. They require training and commitment.

There are other things you can do, of course. First, make doggoned sure that some "well-meaning" friend doesn't give your location away. Abusers are skilled manipulators, and quite adept at wheedling information out of friends, and especially out of acquaintances. Secondly, keep a low profile. Don't advertise on social media where you live or work, or where you are going on vacation. Some burglars have used Facebook to find out when intended victims were not going to be home.

Third, develop some "sixth sense" skills. While I was working as a private detective, I trailed a lot of people. I also developed a sense of knowing when someone might be trailing me.

Fourth, there are undoubtedly some "busybodies" where you live. Just let them know that you have been stalked by an abusive ex, and ask them to let you know and/or call the police if they see something that looks out of place, like a car parked for a long time with someone sitting in it (I always notified the police when I did a stakeout--it saves you a LOT of hassle!).

Fifth, have a "safe room" and an escape plan. Your "safe room" should have a deadbolt lock on it. It can be your bedroom or even your bathroom. You should also have an exit planned--make doggone sure that if you have to go out the back door, you are not trapped by a high fence. You must plan to always have your cell phone by your side--not in the bottom of a junk-filled purse!

I am a great believer in pepper spray. It will disable an attacker long enough for you to get away. Some even contain a dye, so it's easy to spot the stalker after you've run away.

Self-defense training is also recommended. You have to be ruthless when someone is attacking you--there are no "fair fights" when it comes to saving life and limb.

You can go from the little bunny rabbit that skips down the path through the woods to someone that the bears will strictly avoid!

A
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