HelpQA Tags Search FAQ
Start a New Post Chat Login & Registration
This post left anonymously

I got Married year before.

My wife is pure crazy always fighting on this and that. I have got many thoughts of breaking up. But still I am pursuing relationship.

She likes a lot to celebrate all birthdays, all occasions, no our first marriage anniversary is coming. She just want to through big party and I don't really want to celebrate.

So what should I do, I dont want to start another fight, what should I do what is mid ground. please help

This open post was written |
Views: 52, Subscribers: 9 |
Leave a reply | Report Post

⇩ Zoom to bottom
Reciprocity (0)
Reciprocity
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
Post Tags (5)
start, fight, celebrate, ground, mid
Replies (11)
Roccoflip
Rockster160
last online: <time class="timeago" datetime="1730969927" title="Nov 7, 2024 8:58">Nov 7, 2024 8:58</time>
Help-QA Admin
Verified User (7 years, 1 month)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(9 hours after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

Hm. I’d just let her throw her party and have some fun?
You can sneak away and not participate if you want. Say you’re not feeling well or whichever, but with the goal of peace, I would just let her do her thing and you do yours.

314sftf
Nix
last online: 11/28, 9:31
Verified User (7 years, 1 month)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(11 hours after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

Hmm you didn’t know she was crazy before you married?

Surprise her with a romantic weekend alone. This ha 2 bonuses. The first you don’t have to have a party. And the second that you can rekindle the magic

Happy earth
smiley
last online: 11/26, 18:47
Verified User (6 years, 8 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(12 hours after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

Definitely let her have her party, endure it for the sake of creating a happy marriage.

It seems she's extroverted and you're introverted. Does she have friends nearby? Is she trying to rely on you for all her social needs? You both need to cultivate individual hobbies, as well as shared ones.

314sftf
Nix
last online: 11/28, 9:31
Verified User (7 years, 1 month)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(13 hours after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

smiley wrote:
Definitely let her have her party, endure it for the sake of creating a happy marriage.

It seems she's extroverted and you're introverted. Does she have friends nearby? Is she trying to rely on you for all her social needs? You both need to cultivate individual hobbies, as well as shared ones.

I have to disagree, putting up with things only creates resentment. If anything, you need to tell her how you feel about it.

Happy earth
smiley
last online: 11/26, 18:47
Verified User (6 years, 8 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(13 hours after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

Nix wrote:
I have to disagree, putting up with things only creates resentment. If anything, you need to tell her how you feel about it.

Absolutely communicate! But a relationship involves compromises. If this party is important to her, he can surely endure an hour or two of socializing for her benefit.

And she needs to realize that he doesn't enjoy social activities and needs time alone, but she isn't the one asking for our advice.

1581744157174 1581744149313 miss bot
soco
last online: 03/19, 3:49
Verified User (7 years, 1 month)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(14 hours after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

First Anniversary...? Table for 1??
I don't think so. If you can't even get through a single celebration of your nuptials 365 days earlier, than round up the lawyers and head your separate ways.

Help me with:

We have another hurricane coming this way.

Anonymous
#
(19 hours after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

I also think that you should have to compromise, but she should also have to 'sacrifice' for the sake of peace. I'm on board with Nix and the idea of a romantic date with the two of you. If that seems so awful to her, maybe suggest a double date to a fancy restaurant and some other fun place to go? That way she gets to socialise AND you don't have to put up with as many people.

It also sounds you like you two rushed the marriage if you didn't know her well enough before. If you're continuously fighting, you should seek out counselling.

Also, pick your battles, for the sake of peace. Not saying that you should be walked over, but if it's something petty that you can put up with, why fight.

User photo 22810 561248
tricky
last online: 12/07, 20:09
Verified User (3 years, 4 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(1 day after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

As mentioned, it seems you two have a different personality, introvert and extrovert.

I would advise you to talk with her and see how important it is for her. If its very important, i would advise you to go with it. If it sounds less important to celebrate it with half the population, suggest to do something just the two of you.

Relationship, is about compromise, the more you have different core values and personality. The more effort the relation requires.

I think you need to communicate more and get to know and understand her and her needs and ofcourse talk about your own needs.

6ac6ec97 7651 45c5 b346 63c4b75d6c66
Evansent
last online: 08/18, 9:33
Verified User (7 years, 1 month)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(2 days after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

She’s not a scouser is she?
Scousers love to party!

Ok I’ll be serious..
It’s your first year so why don’t you just go away for a romantic weekend instead.
Suggest this then see what she says.

Screenshot at 2018 02 13 13 15 09
Sully
last online: 07/05, 6:08
Verified User (6 years, 7 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(2 days after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

Path of least effort seems to apply here... How long would the argument last for you to win and the party to not happen? How long will the party last?

This type of analysis helps you to really look at your life and decide what is worth the effort of changing.

That was for the party specifically. Now for the marriage as a whole.

Love is a ONE WAY STREET! You can not expect another to sacrifice XYZ for you because you are sacrificing ABC. Why? Simple. What value do you put on the things you are sacrificing? What value does your spouse put on those same things? These are not equal values. They are subjective to the individual and its a non exchangeable currency.

Love is not an emotion. Love is directly measurable on a case by case basis. Love is simply the measure of what you will give up to keep her in your life.

If you won't give up Friday nights at the bar for her, that's fine! It may end the relationship but that would be better for you. If it doesn't end the relationship it's because she loves you enough to sacrifice the Friday nights together to give you that social time you need.

With the above example, for that particular instance she loves you more than you love her. During the party you are not enjoying, you are the one loving more than she.

The point isn't to compare. The point is that if you don't love her enough to "suffer" a condition AND she doesn't love you enough to "suffer" not having that condition, the relationship is going to end. If you are OK with that, then let it end.

If you really want her in your life for the rest of your life, then figure out what its worth to you and make that clear and CONSISTENT! Constantly changing your mind on whats OK and whats not makes you impossible to get along with... (Not blaming you for doing that, just pointing it out as a warning.) Same goes for kids. Keep the rules of your relationships simple and consistent and no one will be second guessing or assuming anything.

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
Sherlock
last online: 07/08, 10:43
Verified User (7 years, 2 weeks)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(3 days after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

Not wanting to celebrate an anniversary will have terrible consequences for you!

A
⇧ Zoom to top

Help-QA supports basic Markdown, emoji 😁, and tagging friends with @username!

To use this site you must be 13 years or older and occasionally submit your email address. Your email address is only shared with your explicit permission.

Home Page - Privacy Policy - Terms of Service - Feedback