https://scontent-atl3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/5...

And why isn't Helpbot trying to keep me from killing myself? Stuck up *****bitch...

Sure people can fall in love at any time. Of course if you are already married and especially if you have children you just walk away. I mean you made your choice is your life really going to be better shuffling your kids around and dealing with an ex and dividing up friends and property just so you can be with someone else? I mean aren't you going to meet another person that you fall in love with again after the second marriage?

Being married is not easy, there are going to be days when you wake up and hate everything about everybody. Then you see some stranger eyeing you and by golly why not give life a try with that person? A week later you realize you hate them more than you ever did the people you were with before.

I guess it's not that big of a deal if you don't have kids. If you do and you act on these feelings of love every time you are attracted to someone then you are just a selfish asshole. Your kids don't want two moms or dads or stepbrothers or sisters or whatever... hell that's half the problem with the world is that there are very few children being raised by their real mom and dad who inherently love them. I mean I would die for my children, most people would. Step kids, ehhhh maybe.

I just read a psychology report that said that girls are having their periods at a younger age because it is a defense mechanism their bodies have to get away from unsafe environments. Unsafe environments like no man in the house, or a man in the house that is not their father, things that are ingrained in our being. It effects us physically...

And it's the age old feelings vs facts syndrome and I think it manifests itself in government too. Liberals try to do what makes everyone feel good at any given time and conservatives do what they think will give them the best outcome in the long run. That's what I think.

So I went to jail this weekend for the first time, had to do 41 hours for my special crime and it was an eye opener. I swear there's more dope in jail than on the street. I was in a pod with 15 other guys and half of them were on heroin, or probably fentanyl. Half of what people think is another drug these days is fentanyl.

Anyway two people overdosed while I was there, one kept itching his face until it was all cut up and bleeding. The other guy fell flat out and was carried away in an ambulance after the other prisoners threw him in the shower to try to wake him up to no avail. So then at about midnight the guards came in an made us all go outside while they tore up the bunk beds and searched the place looking for dope. It was FREEZING... yeah it's against the law to leave your dog outside if it's below freezing around here but apparently you can leave inmates outside in short sleeve shirts for an hour or two no problem.

Of course they didn't find anything even though they strip searched us all before they let us back in the cell and piss tested half of them. Well, not me. I'm just an old man "weekender" virgin to the system so they kind of laughed and asked me how I was enjoying my stay while I was standing there shivering uncontrollably. Maybe they just didn't want to see me naked, that's happened a lot since I turned 50... Yeah fun times.

To be perfectly honest it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Everyone was respectful of me and there was cable TV and even the food was good. Somebody had snuck in some instant coffee too so I traded my breakfasts for coffee and made all kinds of friends. Giving away food is a great way to make friends in jail it turns out.

But yeah the next morning after the search and the freeze out it was business as usual. People were crawling under their covers and making loud snorting noises and then walking around like zombies, nodding out and falling asleep while standing up in mid-sentence. Made me wonder where these guys get all the money and where the dope comes from. Has to be the guards, doesn't it? But I'm the menace to society that needed to be locked up, right.

Anyway I went in Friday night and was out before noon on Sunday to watch football. I got a good dinner of chili and grilled cheese sandwiches and a show to boot... The funniest thing I heard was one of the inmates asking them why they were drug testing him. He laughed and said "what are you going to do, throw me in jail MFers"? At least he still had his sense of humor.

It sounds like we all need a vacation. Hang in there Pepper Jelly.

My wife has never worked or paid a bill in the 32 years we've been together, and money has never been a problem. In fact she goes on so many vacations my friends and her family tease her and say she is on "stay-cation". Hell half the time she goes with her family or friends and I stay home and work.

You're right, I'm too old for the lifestyle I've become accustomed to. That's a lot of it and I know I need to slow down. And I was never really into opioids before but the older and more in pain my body gets the more I like them. Plus there's a bigger supply of them and they are more powerful than they ever were before...

As far as the wife and kids they aren't stupid. They know me better than I know myself. It's just that I have been doing insane things forever and they just expect me to keep being myself. I'm a good provider. Compared to 20 years ago I am relatively straight though, so they were really surprised when I finally tripped up and got caught. And yeah I am feeling the tough love as we speak. I don't know where my car keys are and apparently it's going to stay like that until I am legal. And the wife said something about how we could have gone to the Bahamas for what I spent on lawyers this month. Another day in paradise.

That's what I think. All they have to do is take one illegal hit on Brady and put him out of the game and it's over. I don't understand why this didn't happen 10 years ago.

And yeah TheClue didn't you just post a picture of about 100 gallons of wine you're making? That's kind of tempting for someone who's had trouble with alcohol in the past. I guess you've figured out a way to exert the proper amount of self control.

See that's what I don't like about NA and why I made this post. They don't want me to drink a beer while watching the Superbowl because they think if I dip my toe in the water I'll suddenly jump in over my head. I've been dipping that toe in the water my whole life without drowning. But yeah I went a little too far outside the lines or I wouldn't be in the position I'm in.

I don't think I've been completely straight for a week since I was 12 years old honestly. And yet I'll be 60 in a little over a year and this is the first time it has ever caused me any trouble...

Heck I went to see a probation officer yesterday and all he wanted was money and for me to sign up for some classes that they give, that also cost a lot of money. I figured he was going to take a urine sample and see what the hell was going on in my life. I mean he's looking at a police report that says I was driving around with enough fentanyl in my system to kill a lot of people and he just wants cash. I guess that's what it's all about.

Oh and I went to an NA meeting and the door was locked. It's in this cabin beside a church and there was already a young girl waiting there so we talked for a while. She looked kind of scared. She had blue black hair with a big blonde streak and a pierced nose and eyebrows and here I am an old man with gray hair. I think she thought I was a pastor or something. Finally she asked me if I knew anything about a meeting in the cabin and I said yeah they are supposed to have a Narcotics Anonymous meeting, that's why I'm here. She looked surprised and said really? Yup...

So she said she had never been to one and kind of laughed again, I could tell she was out there. Actually these meetings seem like a great place to meet new contacts, pfffft. Yeah finally it was like almost 10 minutes late and another person came up and tried the door and we all looked at each other and left. So much for HELP from anyone that is supposed to give it.