If I ever had any addictions (beyond cigarettes), I managed to quit them all on my own.
The one thing NA is right about is God.
Even as much of an a$$#o!e as I may be, I've always kept close to God.
The very thing NA is unaware of is; if you have Him....you don't need them.

Having to go kind of stinks. At least you might meet some good people.

So, I'm wondering....
You sound torn between your free-will and the court order. I get that.
Would you feel the need to attend if it weren't court ordered?
------
And....what happened that would cause the court to direct you to NA, anyhow?

I've never been to any of those meetings, but I do understand about the constant talk making you miss the substances you were abusing.

I went through similar when I switched to vaping. Everyone I knew either smoked, or wanted to discuss my choice to switch, and I finally had to pretty much isolate myself from everyone for a while.

Maybe you can bring the issue up at the meeting, and ask others how they deal with it?

Wow, im sorry to hear your troubles. Ive never been to an NA meeting, I almost went to one that supported people who were related to people who were alcohol abusers. I get that talking about it may make you miss it, but as far as i understand, people share the bad parts of it, not the 'highs'.

One of the things that would always put me off these places would be the heavy God aspect.

But maybe it will be good thing, would rehab be a better option?

If you have to go, you may as well make the best of it. If you find that it's making you miss the hard stuff, bring that up in a meeting. Maybe it's a common problem and people will have pointers for you.

I would let the group leader know that focusing on the issue of "drugs" and talking about them brings on more cravings for them than just going through basic withdrawals.
Maybe bring up the other points you stated and see what their response is...
Sadly, it's probably their way or "the highway." If that's the case, be a good soldier and give them what they expect. Be outstanding, like Bill & Ted would say; "Be excellent."
.....Lie like a mo-fo.

Yes, I'll bet those meetings are a real bore! But they do seem to have a degree of success.

My last post was deleted--it was there when I posted it from the pub!

Wish you the very best and a very quick recovery!

been to AA.. by court order bout 15 yrs ago.. mandatory 10 sessions.. by the 5th meeting i began to open up and shared a open letter among the group explaining where i was coming from.. with that presented i was really seeking some sort of interest in recovery..they all cheered me on and came to me asking if they could keep/ make copies of that letter.. i never felt so wanted.

but tell ya what.. after the meeting they were all outside cliquey and laughing ignoring me when i tried to talk to them.. .they kinda shunned on me about making this effort..and told me each to their own how i can do anything i want when i was pitching what do i do with myself... :X i did not.. know how to react to that.. it was pretty shady.. n ******fucked up for me.

after the rest of the required attendence.. i made several attempts to socially relate .. but with my anxiety and crippling efforts i came off like a stumbling weirdo..

guess i was a lost soul.. i would say i went to the wrong AA or something.. im a hearing impaired man here .. (incase yall forgot again). everyone feels like life is a one way streak..with hit n misses.. i seem to interrupt that irl. its a known fact nobody likes to repeat themselves when i didnt catch what they said. well then .. hell with you.

i like the online world .. cuz i dont miss out anything.

god.. as a former athiest...oh i believe in such thing. does he talk to me.. no.. does he show me stuff.. sorta... does he deliver sure.. in a helluva vauge way.. science calls it human instinct - or what i call guts if you agree.. god is not the problem.. people are. .. and this place so far.. allows us to be our true selves imo. ( i hope )

Sorry to hear about your troubles, Doc. I never imagined you were into the drugs.

I have not been much of a drug user, but I have been around and close to many who were. Almost all of them say that after they get clean, it's a daily struggle (less of a struggle as days...and years...go by) to say "no" to the drugs. Many of them say that when they drink or smoke, it makes them want the drugs more

I wish you luck in your efforts to get clean. And to stay that way

I'm an alcoholic which will never change for the rest of my life. I did the 28 days in patient treatment which helped me on the way to change they way my life was going. Those classes give you the tools that you can use to help you, not all of them are going to work, the god thing didnt happen for me but what did is that I am the one that makes the decision, right or wrong, good or bad. I am the one that made that decision to cause problems, no matter what others did or said. Its me and I had to change. I learned in those classes what worked for me and thats what they are for to give you options that you can use to make decisions that will help you in life and stay out of trouble.

I agree with you about the people who are "supposed" to help....I think that part of the problem in society today is that everyone capitalizes on everything. THINGS have become more important than PEOPLE. It's bothersome to me; I think people are amazing and I love to be the one to help someone out and give that hand so that they can get a foot up. And I'd love to have a real friend nearby who would do the same for me. But people are not only unwilling to help these days; but also the people who NEED help are not able to ask for it and/or accept it anymore. I think it's because too many have gotten "burned."

Does your wife know about all of the things you're into? Do your kids? Does it affect them? Maybe they are the key to you getting things fixed. Maybe if they show "tough love" and you have an ultimatum with them, it will make you want to get clean because you want to keep them in your life (??) Also do you WANT to be clean? As I've gotten older, I've noticed that the "hard" life is too hard. You know...the energy levels are not what they used to be. Neither are the knees, back, hips...you know what I mean. So maybe that is part of why you are having an issue with it now: it could be your age....(??) Fentanyl, though. Wow.

The people I've known who were pretty heavy drug users seemed to have brain (cognitive/reasoning/thinking/mathematical/grammatical/tenacity/self reflection/comprehension) issues. Their brains didn't work the way they were supposed to; too many brain cells damaged, I suppose. But you seem to be sharper than a tack, so maybe it's been a good thing for you ;) I'm really just kidding. Drugs are rarely a good thing....

I do believe in God. I believe that being truly connected with God and truly trying to live a life he would be proud of...makes people want to be better people. But too many people are lacsadaisical about their relationship with God, leading to incredulity regarding him.

The scenario about the young girl being surprised about the ol' geezer being in NA is sorta funny :)

Best of luck in finding the help you need. Be careful. Even though you've managed to live this lifestyle since you were 12, doesn't mean that it won't catch up with you.

It took me 10 years to know my limits, its not a quick and easy road to travel but in time I made it to where I am at, now I am secure in myself so that I can make wine and beer and not worry about it, it has no control over me. :-)

I'm glad your wife took the keys. She doesn't want you to die or be hurt badly in a car crash...or hurt someone else.

And yeah, the lawyer fees are tough to stomach. But so is the cost of the drugs and alcohol you've been doing for so long. If the lawyer fees could get you guys a vaca to the Bahamas, imagine what you could have done with all that money over the years :)

I'm hooked on a certain coffee from a certain coffee shop (NOT Starbucks) and I get it every day. Well, not really...I try to cut down all the time. But then I start to get it three times a week, four times a week, and every day. Sometimes more than once a day.

And it's not awful to have those coffees. What is awful is that they are $6/each. And that's $180/month. That doesn't include the tip, so add another $30 for $210/month. $2500/year. And I almost have a heart attack. What a frivolous waste! We could do a lot of more fun things with that money. It's when I save my receipts that I stop getting the coffees. I look at a month's worth of receipts and force myself to cut down to once a week or something like that (and I really ENJOY the coffee SO MUCH more when I only get it once a week!) Then the cycle starts all over...haha

Anyway, my point is that drugs and alcohol are much more pricey. You could do so much more with that money...but it's not about the money as much as it is about the safety. You need to be safe. It seems like you are your family's rock.

Finally, I DO understand the older pains....I have a narcotic that I get from a doc once in a while for migraines. I really only get 1-2 migraines a year. So I don't use the meds that often. But there have been a couple times when I've used them for things NOT related to migraines. When I've had a little ache and pain...related usually to my knee from all the years of skiing...or when I want to "check out" for a little while, I take one. Honestly, I've only taken them in the wrong way less than half a dozen times in the years, but still. I get what you are saying....it's a very attractive idea.

Bahamas-pajamas!

I really feel for you having to deal with a "system" that really doesn't care about people, and with NA meetings where the facilitator doesn't show up.

But, if not for the way things worked out, you might be dead right now. And who would then shoot that beautiful Model 100?

You know--I think you do need a vacation--even if it's only 100 miles away. Why not start planning something right now?

That fentanyl is really nasty stuff--some 100 times more powerful than morphine! And the body count from it just keeps rising.

You dodged a bullet--you're like that 12-pointer who just had some hair clipped by that errant .308 bullet!

I think you hit on something--you've worked too hard, too long, without a break of some kind. So plan that vacation in the Bahamas--or an Alaska cruise in your pajamas!

^^^^^^^^ Yep

I don't really think it's fair for your wife to go on all the vacations without you. Where is your chance to unwind, see the world, and sleep in??

Again, you're their rock. But maybe you need to bend a little bit and relax for yourself and your own well being.

Just hang in there...sounds like the part that could've been the worst is behind you, and you're more prepared than ever for whatever is next.

I've seen those motorized bikes--heck, I'd like to have one myself!

Your experiences show just how stupid it is to put someone in jail who has had problems with drugs. I've always said that the war on drugs is a war on people. Those who have had problems with drugs need rehabilitation, not incarceration!

Yep, it's amazing how people in jail and prison get drugs. It HAS to be the guards!

Can you ride a moped? When I'm in Africa, you see millions of them. They are the chief means of travel. In Toronto tonight I saw a guy on an electric scooter--it is cold as hell and there is snow everywhere, and he was on a scooter!

A lot of kids under sixteen in my town ride around on electric bikes and scooters. I have my doubts about safety, but they seem reliable enough for going around town, and a lot faster than walking.

They look like fun too.

We should go back to 1913 where drugs are concerned.

Just saw some deer from the Polar Express!

I am all for legalizing marijuana, and others as well. I would just try to get rid of some of the nastier ones. And I would go after the cartels. It looks like a past president of Mexico was in the pay of at least one cartel. Drugs will never go away as long as the cartels can buy politicians.

One of my relatives died of an overdose. Another died of complications related to alcoholism. They're both dead, no difference.

I don't know of anyone dying from weed. If we must have intoxicants, I'd rather they were safer ones.

I'm sorry you had to go through all that, Doc. I do agree that people who are on drugs need help versus being "thrown away." They have issues to work through.

I also agree that weed isn't necessarily a bad thing if used responsibly, just like alcohol. I rarely drink and I haven't smoked weed since college, but I have a friend who beat breast cancer and went through chemo. She used CBD or had a doobie once in a while for stress, to stimulate appetite, and to relax/relieve pain.

As for the motorized bicycles: I've seen them ridden by tons of people in town and they look like they are a blast to ride, but they are loud.