Where did you grow up?
Where do you live now?
What subjects did/do you enjoy most at school?
art, math, biology
What's your favorite sport or sports?
running, mountain biking, paddling, basketball
What kind of jobs have you held? Industries too!
clerk, assembly line worker, video camera operator, designer, front end developer
What hobbies are you into?
video games, guitar, outdoor adventures
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Programming Helpwritten () ago
I need help learning about server-side programming enough to make my first simple web app. I know there are places like Stack Overflow that are supposed to be ideal for programming questions. They are good for very specific questions, but not so friendly for people with general questions or open-ended discussion.
What song do you have stuck in your head?written () ago
I have Tieto Value for Life.
Mindfullness meditation may be helpful also. It is very similar to the advice Orchid gives.
You basically practice being present for a few minutes a day. During this time, you can just sit and focus on your breath. Distractions and anxious "what-if" thoughts about past and future will come into your consciousness. You simply observe them and then return your focus to your breath. That is about it. It is actually really hard to do, so just start with a few minutes per day.
I'm actually not very good at it, but would like to get better. Here is a link:
Dualistic thinking is a product of language. All languages contain terms for black and white. Languages with three terms for color also include red. In english-speaking countries, I think most children learn eleven colors: white, black, red, green, yellow, blue, brown, purple, pink, orange and gray. If they have crayons, maybe they learn about others like turquoise, chartreuse, teal, maroon, lavender, magenta, gold, etc.
If you are talking politics, the reason it is so black and white is because the language is dualistic: left/right, democrat/republican, liberal/conservative. There are others like libertarian or anarchist, but most things focus on the two. Alternative would be a system like the meyers briggs for personality types. There are four separate spectrums so you end up with 16 different personality types. It seems like a lot, but if children are capable of learning 11 colors then adults can handle it. If we had 12 or 16 unique words to describe political leanings then the conversations would be a lot different.- written - voted for by smiley
It sounds like your parents (or mother at least) were overprotective when you were young and it developed into this codependency. Google "codependency" and see if it makes sense as far as your relationship with your mother.
Ultimately you must accept responsibility for improving your life situation regardless of who you think is to blame. Accepting responsibility for your own destiny will help you move beyond self-pity or need for validation.
Is it because I don’t want to put myself out there to be judge by saying something like ‘I went to the shop’? Or is it because I don’t feel like an individual?
Probably both, but really this is a question you need to answer for yourself.
Like celebrities etc put themselves out there to be judged.
Don't compare yourself to celebrities. Just compare yourself to yourself from one day ago and try to improve from there. Take small risks. Be strong.- written
Ha ha. Agreed. With Google, Facebook, etc. it is equivalent to if you went into a store and some creepy salesperson was sneaking around watching you from around the corner, taking notes on everything you glance at. Then he shows up at your front door that night and tries to sell you bunch of stuff.
I use Ghostery extension. Helps to prevent a lot of it.
Although, I usually end up giving up only a few days in...
Figure out what prevents you from starting a given activity. Try to eliminate barriers to starting because that is usually the critical part. For example, I made a goal to stretch for 10 minutes every night because working at a desk = tight hamstrings and hip flexors / bad posture / etc. It seemed a simple enough goal but after a few days I stopped doing it. It was boring and there was always something more interesting or more important to do.
So I decided to shorten it to 6 minutes. Even then I put it off until I was too tired and just didn't do it. Part of the problem was decision fatigue. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Decision_fatigue
Even simple decisions, like picking out a stretch to do and how long to do it, can drain motivation. Especially if you are already tired. So one night I installed a little interval timer app on my phone and made a 6-minute sequence. I read somewhere that you only need 40 seconds of a given stretch to improve flexibility, so that's 9 stretches.
So now I just open the app and start the sequence. I don't even have to think. I just start it and space out. Make starting as easy as possible.- written
It is a good idea to set goals for yourself. If you get derailed as time goes by then maybe they were not realistic or maybe you tried to do too many things at once. You can always make adjustments for next time.
For example, if you start with a goal to work out five days per week and you get burned out after a few weeks, it would be easy to get discouraged and give up. But better to figure out what caused you to get burned out and then set new goals. Maybe switch to just 3 days per week. Or maybe do fewer things each workout.
Also, instead of making commitment to do something for a year, commit yourself to do it for three weeks. That is not as overwhelming and three weeks is about how long it takes to develop a habit. After three weeks you can continue, tweak it, or decide that you'd rather focus on something else.- written
I cannot say what emotions you should feel. You have the right to feel both great anger and deep sadness. You are grieving not only the loss of your wife who you loved but also the loss of the memory that she was faithful to you these years. You are trying to make sense of that along with the revelation that she was taking advantage of you to support a drug addiction. On top of that, it sounds like you are still trying to come to terms with all that happened in your first marriage. It is more than a person can emotionally process at once and you would not be human if you did not go through a wave of emotions.- written
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