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silhouettesmile
last online: 06/09, 18:27
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Anxiety to the point of getting sick.

Hey everyone thank you taking the time to read this. Lately I've been struggling with anxiety and it has been really eating me up. Life has been going really well for me these past six months. In November I started a new job, which I really like. In December my boyfriend proposed to me and we will be getting married in June - so only a couple months away! And in late April we will be closing on a house even! Things have been going so crazy fast!

Anyway, I'm really struggling mentally it seems. I am always anxious. I've struggled to get used to my new job, I work at WIC and I'm always worried about being fired - even though I feel like I shouldn't be. I'm getting better at my job each day. I'm worried about not being a good wife, I love my fiance and his family and I feel he deserves the best. I'm worried about not being able to make mortgage payments, I have a lot in savings thank goodness. But I'm afraid of loosing my job or something crazy happening.

It's mainly 'WHAT IF'S" in life that bother me. And they shouldn't be as much as they are. I feel life is going really well, better than I deserve in all honestly. I'm afraid of failing, and letting everyone down it seems. I am 24 years old, my dad passed away very suddenly in a car accident 3 years ago, and that's really affected the way I view things. Anything can be taken away in an instant.... I constantly worry.

Would anyone happen to have advice? I appreciate your time! Thank you!

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Since writing this post silhouettesmile may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
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feel, time, years, job, worried
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Jebus-Zeus
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RyTxXUJvp5s

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Rockster160
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My advice: Stop worrying. (I know. Easier said than done.)

Things out of your control are just that- out of your control. They are going to happen regardless of what you do, so worrying is only going to make your life more difficult for no reason.

As far as work- it sounds like you've got a bit of imposter syndrome (let's be honest, everybody does) are you new at the job? Chances are, they know that. And you're getting better and better? What reason do they have of firing you? None? Thought so. Get those thoughts out of your mind and continue doing what you're doing, because it sounds like you're doing great.

If your fiancรฉ is marrying you, chances are he likes you. You're already the "good wife" that he wants. Again, another case where it seems like you're worried that you aren't good enough, but if you weren't good enough- you wouldn't be where you are. You got to the point you're at. You did all of this. Good job. ๐Ÿ˜Š You deserve it. You've worked hard to get to this point, don't let anybody (especially not yourself) take this down.

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Sherlock
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My dear Sil, anyone can become destitute overnight through no fault of his or her own.

This is a principle of Masonry. It is why we shรฒuld always be ready to help others We may need help someday ourselves.

Simple formula: do all you can--let God worry about the rest.

Electric
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Your underlying fears are quite common and (fortunately) basic. It seems that you are struggling with the issue of "biting off more than you can chew," and most of those fears are money/debt related. Perhaps you have the idea the control you have is temporary or even illusional, with all the "what ifs" that are involved.
I'm a big advocate of debt-free living and have been so for years. I was driven at an early age by the same fears you have - "what if I lose my job," etc.
The biggest thing you can do to settle some of you anxiety is to sit down and have a financial talk with your "soon-to-be." And you are going to need an unflinching dead eye when it comes to this talk because not only do men handle money differently than women, single people handle their money differently than couples. And both of you are about to meet, leaving both of those world behind.
Knowing what to expect from each other in the future largely depends upon getting on the same page, otherwise, the team effort becomes handicapped with years (decades) of disappointment and debt. It's no small matter.
You're about to join forces in a financial battle field and the goal in life is to attain the material things that are needed in life without becoming a slave or extending your serfdom "til death do us part."
If you have both signed off on a house, that is where your focus should be. Get it paid off, the sooner, the better - as with all things.
Afterward, there only remains the monthly expenses and those can be estimated on a yearly basis AND fully bought as such. This is where things go from good to amazing. No bills, all expenses paid for the year...now all income can go to future savings and retirement.
You will have kids, but for a large portion of time, kid cost bears no more expense than a pet. A time will come when that will change, but you can teach your youngsters the importance of self-sufficiency. Summer jobs, etc. It helps them and you AND they have a model to follow in their financial lives because of your successes.
I wish you all the best in your new ventures in life.

Orchid 2
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It is your underlying fearsome thoughts that are driving your anxiety. The more you focus on them the more they will gather negative momentum and infiltrate every aspect of your life.
As they say, what you focus on grows.

My advice is that you take control of your thoughts and train your mind to mostly focus on the positive aspects of what you perceive as a 'worrisome' area of your life.
As anxious thoughts emerge, Stop for a moment and acknowledge what your mind is doing. Then, deliberately choose to think good feeling thoughts around the subject instead. Spend at least five minutes doing this.
The first good thoughts will often be hard to find but I promise you once you get positive thought momentum going it will grow and you will find yourself feeling (and doing) so much better .
If you still find thinking positive feels hard, write positive things instead. One way or another you basically need to focus your thoughts. for just a little while, on the positive and watch how your entire thought process will change. Keep doing this until it becomes automatic and it will- if you just commit to do the necessary transitional mental work.

Help me with:

I was told that

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silhouettesmile
last online: 06/09, 18:27
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I want to thank each and every one of you for giving me such wonderful advise. I really appreciate it, and will work hard to apply it and change the way I think. I'm going to work as hard as I can at this. Thank you so much everyone, love you all!

Billy mills
Lawn
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Mindfullness meditation may be helpful also. It is very similar to the advice Orchid gives.

You basically practice being present for a few minutes a day. During this time, you can just sit and focus on your breath. Distractions and anxious "what-if" thoughts about past and future will come into your consciousness. You simply observe them and then return your focus to your breath. That is about it. It is actually really hard to do, so just start with a few minutes per day.

I'm actually not very good at it, but would like to get better. Here is a link:
https://zenhabits.net/meditate/

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Yorick
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yea im the local asshole.. my advice is .. kool-aid ...drink it

Electric
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NaCtHoMaN wrote:
yea im the local asshole.. my advice is .. kool-aid ...drink it

But, hey! Aren't you the local asshole that likes the blue Kool-Aid?๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚.
Me too, it's my fav!

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SerenelyBlue
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Here is a bit of advice that helped me: focus on one day at a time.
Also if it gets too much for you see a psychologist. Let him/her help you. If it is too bad and a real problem see your psychiatrist or doctor and let him prescribe something to ease your anxiety.
I have social anxiety and my doctor prescribed a ssri which helps a lot and he gave me ativan in case I cannot cope with temporary high anxiety. That literally changed my life.

Good luck!๐ŸŒž

Still doin stuff for starbyface
CarolineFCY
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I second @SerenelyBlue's "see a psychologist." I've been dealing with a lot of psychosomatic symptoms from my anxiety lately, and yesterday I went to a therapist for the first time and it felt so good to talk about what I've been going through, it distracted me from a lot of my discomforts for a while.

Anxiety piles on. Confront it before the dam breaks.

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Max
last online: 07/27, 11:05
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What if's suck. I live them, but ignore them. A couple of good friends and regular outings with them keep me focused. 45 minute walks and exercise really help.

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soco
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Good friends as Max pointed out is best. If you could use more, start here!

Welcome to HelpQA. I'm Soco. Nice to have you here.

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music=life
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CarolineFCY wrote:
I second @SerenelyBlue's "see a psychologist." I've been dealing with a lot of psychosomatic symptoms from my anxiety lately, and yesterday I went to a therapist for the first time and it felt so good to talk about what I've been going through, it distracted me from a lot of my discomforts for a while.

Anxiety piles on. Confront it before the dam breaks.

I agree completely, I was getting such bad anxiety to the point where I would have diarrhea anytime of the day when I feel anxious and it was a point where I couldnโ€™t function. Even though it was just temporary because I had to give speeches for a class medication helped a ton

Yorick
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BIG-AL-ONE wrote:

NaCtHoMaN wrote:
yea im the local asshole.. my advice is .. kool-aid ...drink it

But, hey! Aren't you the local asshole that likes the blue Kool-Aid?๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚.
Me too, it's my fav!

big pointer here.. i dont follow my adivce at times, tho i do i prefer gatorade of all flavors.

A
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