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Nevermind
last online: 02/20, 6:06
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Tis the Season for a Crisis.


I'm not actually in crisis I just wanted a title

Anyway the real issue...
On top of the holiday stresses, and other stresses, and family stresses, mental health issues,I got sick.
My mom has guests over which is a huge stresser for me.
Yesterday I woke up feeling horribly ill and when they left to go to the store I went upstairs.
When guests are here I often wont pee, shower, eat. Because I dont want to leave my room and risk coming face to face with them.
My anxiety and paranoia cripples me.
Well the only thing I ate on Thursday was a small potpie.
Friday I ate nothing
Saturday I woke up and was ill.
I go upstairs and I feel as though I'm so weak. I feel myself losing conciousness like I'm about to black out and im trying my hardest not to lose it and fall to the floor.
I feared once I fell down to the floor I wouldn't be able to get up that's how weak I was. I actually thought I'd have to call 911 cause I thought I was severely sick but then my paranoia of doctors prevented that. Also I didn't want to be hospitalized if it wasnt anything serious cause that would be embarrassing.

Well I very carefully made my way back to my room being very careful to make slow movements and careful steps. I was so grateful the guests werent home to see this.
Once in my room I drank a little bit of water and crawled back into bed where 3 hours later I woke up feeling sick but not like I was gonna loose conciousness or fall. I didnt feel physically weak either.

I'd say in the course of those days, I only drank half to a third of a water bottle a day due to stress of there presence.

I think the whole thing was caused by dehydration but I'm no doctor.

Yesterday I managed to eat half a soup but threw it away because I was stressed still and sick feeling and didnt feel hungry.

Now today I wake up and I have to pee, I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, I should shower, but I'm too afraid to leave my room and run into them.

I feel sick but I think I'm just feeling that way cause I'm hungry and thirsty.
It sounds like I'm just being a stubborn brat but somehow my desire for self care does not out weigh what ever mental issue keeps me in this room.
The door is unlocked yet I'm locked in.
And they don't leave for at least 4 more days.
How many exactly I'm unsure.

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Since writing this post Nevermind may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
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feel, sick, feeling, room, leave
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Nevermind
last online: 02/20, 6:06
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I sound like a drama queen but I probably havent been eating or drinking much for a while before Thursday.
I just cant remember my days well.๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ

Happy earth
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last online: 11/26, 18:47
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This is some crippling social anxiety. Can you text a sympathetic family member to ask them if the coast is clear and keep everyone downstairs long enough for you to use the toilet and shower? Then maybe bring you some toast or something?

This is a problem that needs to be resolved, but now you just have to work with it and well as you can. Get someone to help you, or else just grit your teeth and go. You can't just sit in your room and pee on yourself and you need food and water.

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Nevermind
last online: 02/20, 6:06
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smiley wrote:
This is some crippling social anxiety. Can you text a sympathetic family member to ask them if the coast is clear and keep everyone downstairs long enough for you to use the toilet and shower? Then maybe bring you some toast or something?

This is a problem that needs to be resolved, but now you just have to work with it and well as you can. Get someone to help you, or else just grit your teeth and go. You can't just sit in your room and pee on yourself and you need food and water.

I know it sounds ridiculous but it's just like
I cant override command
System fail
๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™€๏ธ
Just hearing then walk around stresses me out. And even though I knew they were probably not awake at 6am I was still worried, what if its quiet because they are sitting on the couch watching TV.

I guess I'm too pariniod to ask for help from any of them.
I do like and feel comfortable around my brother. I guess when he comes I will be able to get help but I'm not sure when hes coming yet.

Happy earth
smiley
last online: 11/26, 18:47
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I don't think it's ridiculous. I have some low level of social anxiety myself. I hope your brother comes soon.

Dr. ralph club zps9ornptsl
DocteurRalph
last online: 10/23, 23:49
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Who are these people you are so afraid of? Relatives you have known all your life or zombies from hell? Can't you just get up in the middle of the night and do your shower and sneak some food and water? Sounds like you need to stash some supplies in your room if they are going to be there a while. Showers are kind of overrated anyway in my opinion.


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I need help.

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Nix
last online: 11/28, 9:31
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I think itโ€™s ridiculous that your family have done this to you knowing how it makes you feel. Iโ€™m sorry I donโ€™t have any advice, only after they are gone, talk to your family about how others staying makes you feel. This canโ€™t go on

Dr. ralph club zps9ornptsl
DocteurRalph
last online: 10/23, 23:49
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Do you live with your parents? Aren't they worried about you not eating or showing your face? Have they come to expect this type of behavior?

Help me with:

I need help.

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Nevermind
last online: 02/20, 6:06
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Thanks everyone for not being too harsh towards me.
Anyway.

DocteurRalph wrote:
Who are these people you are so afraid of? Relatives you have known all your life or zombies from hell?

They actually arnt really family. Now they are related to my step dad. But I've only just met them this fall.
It took me 2 years to get used to my step dad.
The only family I feel at ease around are my brother and my grandma. I love my dad too but hes scary and he doesnt like me.
To be completely fair. While the guests dont seem like bad people but I cant get handle them.
For the most part I do play outside the house
I love going to the pet store. Usually empty other than me and I look at all the hamsters and look at all the things my pets maybe could like. But i only do that a couple times a year and that's as much as I get out socially. Otherwise I never leave the farm house. No side walks. No public transport. Rural country. But I like it that way too but i often have a fear even going outside. I'm okay with it when it's dark because i am hidden but in the light i feel to seen.
I was forced to attend a family function and that was stressful. All the people running around. They had assigned Seats. I have to sit with my back to a wall in a corner. It's how I feel safest.
They put me in the center with my back towards everyone. I sat in someone else's spot because it was one of tbe few I could handle and it was either that or go wait in the cold truck for my mom and step dad to leave.
I'm like that at the health and human services center too. They have all the chair backs to each other vs away from each other
I literally pull a chair away. Place it against the wall and wait in the waiting room.i wish I had a place to sit unseen but it's not an option.
I like to eat at the table
I'll wat with my brother jake when he comes over but no others.

[‌quote DocteurRalph] Can't you just get up in the middle of the night and do your shower and sneak some food and water?

The problem with that is my step dad. He refuses to sleep with the door closed and he wakes at the drop of the feather. Our floors creak badly because the house is so old.
I cant even go upstairs and open tbe door without the sound of the door waking him up. His bedroom is literally next to the kitchen so I can't do anything and the bathroom nearby too.

I shower when they are gone.
I also usually eat once a day and that's typically when there gone too.

Sundays mondays and Saturdays are hard. Cause there days off.

DocteurRalph wrote:
Do you live with your parents? Aren't they worried about you not eating or showing your face? Have they come to expect this type of behavior?

They are used to my behavior. As for checking on me, my step dad doesnt but I usually go upstairs at 4pm to greet my mom home from work. Mainly to show her I havent killed myself today so she wont come checking in me
But when the guests are here
Any sense or routine is gone because people are always here
I havent slept in a full 2 days. I'm not even tired.

When people are here is messes with my meds too cause when I dont do things at certain times cause they are here and I cant even mentally. Then I dont take them.
I'm typically awake 3 full days without any crash lows
I'm energetic for 3 days without meds
I'm then pariniod to take my meds, sleep to long and they say I'm lazy or they come in my room

I have a big problem with being asleep and not "safe" I dont want anyone to see me sleeping
the stress of them entering my space while in qlseep also makes me not wanna take them.

I know it all sounds silly. I sound ridiculous like I'm a freak
But usually im okay with the way things are.
And in the hospitals when im not in my environment the nurses always like me and think I'm sweet ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ

Then I have a cat due basically any day. Any time they can come now within the next couple days and they are coming down here wanting to touch my animals
Leave them alone.
Qnd they brought there dog down here and it stressed my pregant cat out
I said my mom would listen when i said I wanted the guest dog out my room
She said
It's fine
I said my rules! Shes pregnant shes not comfortable my rules
But she wouldnt listen and this girl is here just making my feelings worse
Qnd they can come in anytime.
Part of the reason I avoid my mom like the plague is she loves wine
Drinks a box a day and it makes me angry and she lies alot
But coming in here drunk and with guest

My mom isnt all bad
she takes care of me and allows me my pets and she does like me but
I only like her sober and she never wants to to give me attention when she isn't drinking

And her drinking is not my fault
She did it since the day I met her

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Nevermind
last online: 02/20, 6:06
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Nix wrote:
I think itโ€™s ridiculous that your family have done this to you knowing how it makes you feel. Iโ€™m sorry I donโ€™t have any advice, only after they are gone, talk to your family about how others staying makes you feel. This canโ€™t go on

I'm hoping once they leave they won't come back till fall but I dunno..๐Ÿ™

Happy earth
smiley
last online: 11/26, 18:47
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I can feel the stress in your writing. I hope things settle back into routine soon.

But you really will be better off if you can find a way to deal with the anxiety. I have a friend who has been helped immensely by medical marijuana. Is that an option in your area? It has side effects like any drug, but it helps some people and isn't addictive. It might be worth trying.

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soco
last online: 03/19, 3:49
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smiley wrote:
I can feel the stress in your writing. I hope things settle back into routine soon.

But you really will be better off if you can find a way to deal with the anxiety. I have a friend who has been helped immensely by medical marijuana. Is that an option in your area? It has side effects like any drug, but it helps some people and isn't addictive. It might be worth trying.

If this is an option Nevermind, check with your doctor's if you can get their approval. If they say okay, I will pay for it - no questions asked. I think it just might help you.

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We have another hurricane coming this way.

Dr. ralph club zps9ornptsl
DocteurRalph
last online: 10/23, 23:49
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So how did everything turn out? Hope you're okay.

Help me with:

I need help.

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