I'm doing really badly.
I've typed this post already and with more details but my phone refreshed and I lost everything. I feel too discouraged to type it that way again.
Seems this keeps happening. Ever resource I have that I've reached out to for help with my problem doesn't work.
Either transportation fails or the phone fails or something fails.
Yet oddly the only thing not failing me is the thing I'm trying to see if I can avoid.
I cried all yesterday and night, then I called my therapist. Then i slept from 8:30am till 6pm when my mom woke me up. Then I got up for an hour to give the impression I'm alright which was exhausting.
Now I'm back in bed.
It's like It's not meant to be.
I even tried to speak with the suicide prevention people. Waited on hold for a long time then as soon as it was my turn i got a "technical error" message.
But I didn't give up that easy.
I tried it again. And again it happened.
It feels too late
It's never too late. Even when you're 80 and stuck in a wheel chair, it's not "too late".
You can still learn new things, accomplish something you've never done before.
You can still do something to make somebody else happy.
You can still do something to make YOURSELF happy.
You can still fall in love.
You can still find purpose.
You can still change your entire life's track and do something entirely different.
In this life, there are so many possibilities of things we can do and things we'll never do that it's never "too late" for anything.
Do you enjoy any tv shows? Start a new show that you've never seen before! (I recommend something in the lighter heart to keep the attitude up) Books? Read a new book!
What does it for me is learning. When I'm feeling down I find something interesting to study. Numberphile on YouTube has some great stuff. And their videos will chain to other good ones. Listen to some fast paced, but good attitude music. That always keeps things moving. 😁
Plug in your ear buds. This guy wrote a song just for you.
Max wrote:
If I had a friend dealing with the same stuff Nevermind, what advice would you give them?
I dont have advice for your friend.
I gotta be able to help myself before I can help your friend dealing with the same stuff.
If they have a cat and need advice I am good at that. Not much else.
But im super educated on cats
My cat has become a lot more vocal lately.
I used to understand what she was telling me, but now she's doing it so much more I don't know what she wants most of the time.
She is 2 yrs old and I've had her since she was 11 months.
What do you think her reason is and what does she want?
J.N-Bucking wrote:
My cat has become a lot more vocal lately.I used to understand what she was telling me, but now she's doing it so much more I don't know what she wants most of the time.
She is 2 yrs old and I've had her since she was 11 months.
What do you think her reason is and what does she want?
Is she spayed? It's kitten season right now so she might be calling for a tom. Looking to have some babies.
Yea she was spayed at 11 months.
Hmm. Well. I know you already did this cause that's the first thing you probably checked but the food?
It may be full but sometimes if your putting out alot of food at a time the food goes stale like how cereal does if you leave the bag open. And they don't like that. So if that's the case is try giving her a smaller amount at a time.
Sometimes older cats are more vocal as they get older but she doesn't seem that old.
Also sometimes it could be a sickness
But i bet she's healthy or else you'd know it most likely.
Or. She could be really playful.
My cats meow when they are energetic so maybe get her some new toys
And if that's not the case 😅
Cats tend to meow to communicate with you.
Depending on what breed she is. Even if she's a domestic she could have a purebred grandpa or something. Some breeds are talkers.
That's as far as my knowledge goes with meowing
My cats are pretty quiet. Though al my tom does a babe call every evening.
Nevermind wrote:
Max wrote:
If I had a friend dealing with the same stuff Nevermind, what advice would you give them?I dont have advice for your friend.
I gotta be able to help myself before I can help your friend dealing with the same stuff.If they have a cat and need advice I am good at that. Not much else.
But im super educated on catsShe doesn't a place to keep a cat, but I understand the comfort they provide.
Maybe she could volunteer at a shelter for cats.
The help I'm referring to is more of how to arrange transportation, financial support if not eligible for aid and any other things to look out for?
Nevermind wrote:
Hmm. Well. I know you already did this cause that's the first thing you probably checked but the food?
It may be full but sometimes if your putting out alot of food at a time the food goes stale like how cereal does if you leave the bag open. And they don't like that. So if that's the case is try giving her a smaller amount at a time.Sometimes older cats are more vocal as they get older but she doesn't seem that old.
Have you ever thought about studying cat behaviour? Theres a real need for it!
Also sometimes it could be a sickness
But i bet she's healthy or else you'd know it most likely.Or. She could be really playful.
My cats meow when they are energetic so maybe get her some new toysAnd if that's not the case 😅
Cats tend to meow to communicate with you.
Depending on what breed she is. Even if she's a domestic she could have a purebred grandpa or something. Some breeds are talkers.That's as far as my knowledge goes with meowing
My cats are pretty quiet. Though al my tom does a babe call every evening.
Have you ever thought of studying feline behaviour? theres a real need for it!
My cat has many vocalizations. She is 14 years old. My mother had a cat that could actually say some words. He lived to be about 20.
Cats can teach us a lot about living. I believe that God put them on this earth to teach us some things.
You know, Nevermind, with our big brains--as Kurt Vonnegut intimated--we tend to overthink a lot of things.
And overthinking leads to overreaction.
Would you like to know what one of my cats taught me? The most important thing in this world is to give and receive love.
First, go out there and give love. And then tell us what love you have received!
I don't put her too much food out.
Sometimes when I get in all the foods gone, when I give her more she rarely tucks in immediately.
The meawing continues.
She never drinks.
I don't know why.
That has worried me, but she seems ok.
She is a calico domestic short hair.
She has also started sleeping on the opposite side of the bed than she uses to.
J.N-Bucking wrote:
I don't put her too much food out.
Sometimes when I get in all the foods gone, when I give her more she rarely tucks in immediately.
The meawing continues.She never drinks.
I don't know why.
That has worried me, but she seems ok.She is a calico domestic short hair.
She has also started sleeping on the opposite side of the bed than she uses to.
Cats dont need much water if they are fed tinned meats.
has there been a change in household when the meawing started?
Sherlock wrote:
Celebrate yourself. You are a light in this world!
This. You are a kindred spirit and the world is a better place with you in it.
People have misunderstood a bit. Totally understand why. I left out basically all the details.
The issue I was talking about is actually an event. A triggering, event which is a lot of bad news for me.
I shut down on my therapist overwhelmed by the problem, Unsure how to even explain what the problem is.
Because its a topic I'm afraid to talk about. I got my hands on a firearm that is in the house and the ammo. I planned to go across the field, into the woods, call 9-11 to let them know where to recover my body. And Bang. 95% chance death to the right side of my head. I tried to see if I had ANY other options because I felt if I was forced to go through the event id end up killing myself then too. But that situation it wouldn't be as easy, also I don't want to go through the event so i'd rather die now then after.
The truth is I could still do that, I was gonna do it Monday or Tuesday but I feel a little bit more relaxed after I got a voicemail from my therapist. He sounded different. Usually he talks with a lot of energy but this time he was down. And basically he said the situation isn't going to happen because he said he talked to someone about it and he works for the state, sooo he works with this kinda thing sometimes. And he said "I expect to see you Monday". He refused to cancel my appointment which confuses me. My contract is up yet they will never let me cancel. They say "Your in treatment, you have to come". I find this confusing cause everyone is in treatment yet different people are allowed to cancel.
Anyway. He told me Monday he will tell me what he found out and basically he said he fixed the issue so I feel more calm and relaxed. Still super depressed but more calm today.
@Sherlock You said overthinking leads to overreaction. Your absolutely right. One of my problems is someone will say something, or ill start thing about something. This one thing is like 1 star in the sky. But I start to analyze this star and everything that could relate to this star and before you know it, I'm creating my own constellations out of everything I suspect, know, or have heard.
Like today. I got a bill in the mail for $1000 dollars from the ambulance ride after I was in a really bad car crash.
http://i65.tinypic.com/bhycko.jpg
And I have health insurance so they will pay it. Overwhelmed though because I got this bill and worried maybe the insurance didn't pay it on purpose I felt like I am a bad person cause I don't have that money and my thoughts starting spinning about how I'm a bad person and I'll never get out of this hole. How my cats would be better off if I was dead. All over a bill that the insurance will probably cover.
Then I read a quote today that says "Its not who you are that holds you back I'ts who you think your not" And I kinda liked the quote, but instead of just liking the quote I started overthinking it AGAIN. I put this quote in the center of the constellation, connecting all these stars. Who I should be, who I am not, who I am, thinking about all this when the quote is basically the opposite.
I have a problem with that. But I was always yelled at "YOU NEVER THINK ABOUT ME. DO YOU THINK ABOUT ANYONE BUT YOUR SELF? YOUR TRYING TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A BAD PARENT? WHY CANT YOU JUST BE NORMAL?" So as a little kid I started ********hardcore thinking about everything. Wondering why i'm such a bad daughter and I don't seem to be able to do the girls a normal daughter does.
I know everyone says they aren't normal but I was not right.
I have a bit of an obsession with the cats. Trying to learn everything I can about them so I can be the best owner. When I'm into something I'm ALL the way in. And that same kinda obsession I have for the cats I have for people. With the cats, things are more easy. They love me. They like me today, they'll like me tomorrow. If you are good to them they will like you. With people its a lot more complicated. I think maybe it's because we speak. I say stuff and people may get upset with me. They think I don't care what they have to say, that I'm exhausting, I choose to never be happy which effects there mood.
They think that because of the things I say, but then when they say those things or I get a suspicion they think those things, It makes what I do that they don't like worse. But if I couldn't speak and neither could they. Probably a lot less problems. But not speaking is frustrating and you end up making this rambling post.
Once again I feel I have overthought everything I have said because it's a lot more explained then it needs to be. Maybe that makes it a lot harder to understand. Then I start questioning that.
I get really off topic. I think I have a problem staying on track because my thoughts send me running 1000 miles an hour all over the place. Jumping topic to topic. Yet connecting all them all like dots. The end result is always the same. Its always that I'm such a bad person I need to die.
Even when I'm working my thoughts drift completely off whatever I'm doing into all this.
As of right this second I feel okay. I don't feel okay too often so it's good. But I could feel not okay in minutes. It's not a choice though. Maybe some day i'll find a way to change before I do kill myself. I don't have much faith in that but I think Monday is more likely to be okay then and that's a lot of faith for me.
J.N-Bucking wrote:
I don't put her too much food out.
Sometimes when I get in all the foods gone, when I give her more she rarely tucks in immediately.
The meawing continues.She never drinks.
I don't know why.
That has worried me, but she seems ok.She is a calico domestic short hair.
She has also started sleeping on the opposite side of the bed than she uses to.
For the drinking problem I'd look into maybe getting a water fountain. You can get a cheap one on amazon.
Cat's natural instincts tell them not to drink still water because in the wild still water can make them sick. When the water is moving they often drink more.
Also cats in the wild would get most there water from the diet they'd eat. Part of the reason wet food is a good option is cause it keeps them hydrated where as dry food dehydrates them.
Dunno if that helps.
I know you take great care of your cat. When I talk about this stuff in no way am I saying you have to do this. I just like to share what I've learned. Just cause a water fountain or wet food works for me doesn't mean it works for you. Ultimately it's your cat and I have never even met her.
Im not sure how old you are but this might be of interest for you
https://www.thepennyhoarder.com/make-money/side...
animal behaviour is fascinating.
Nevermind, you need to be aware that some brain chemical processes, sometimes aided and abetted by medications, will actually produce suicide ideation.
There are some medicines people take that will do that. We don't fully understand the mechanisms, but we know that this is true. Interestingly enough, there are parasites that influence their hosts' behavior. If, say, you were exposed to toxoplasmosis from an infected cat, it would tend to make you more likely to take risks--and be involved in an auto accident.
Now about that auto accident--looks like a bad one, kid. That would shake up anyone! Don't worry about ambulance bills and crap like that. First, they overcharged. Secondly, you let the insurance company worry about that. Even if the insurance company refused the claim, you can always go "Eff you" to the hospital. Happens all the time.
Do not let yourself be judged by the standards of this world. The standards of this world are terribly, terribly skewed. We heap honors upon athletes for throwing balls, but we let teachers labor in obscurity.
I also know that if I were to take a poll with your cats, they'd definitely say that they want and need you! My grandfather used to say that our status in heaven would be determined by how well we treated animals on earth. I believe that he was right.
I also want you to realize that you are in a temporal bubble right now. It's a temporary situation. You won't always be living at home. You won't always having a parent hovering over you, telling you this or that. One day it will seem like a distant memory.
The process of growing up is to decide what kind of person you want to be, and then to undertake steps to become that person. You do not "find" yourself--you BECOME that which you want to become.
You know, Einstein said that "God does not play dice with the universe." He was right. We all have a reason to be here. It might be to take care of cats--and I'm totally serious. But I am sure that is not your only purpose. The fact is, you are here for a reason. You may not be able to discern that reason right now, but it is waiting to be fully manifested before you.
Be sure to put the gun and ammo away. I had a brother-in-law whose wife had cheated on him with the pastor of their church. He found himself in a divorce action. He was losing his home, his kids and his income although he had done nothing wrong. One day he had an auto accident--it seemed like the last straw for him. He reached inside the glove box and pulled out his magnum revolver. He walked into the woods and shot himself.
His two adoptive children, his mother and his siblings and I were devastated. I cannot begin, not even begin, to tell you of the pain that a suicide leaves behind. It's apocalyptic. It's traumatic beyond all imagining.
And do you know the definition of suicide? It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Somewhere out there, Never, is someone whose very life will depend upon you. Somewhere out there is a good deed that will never be done if you are not there to do it. Somewhere out there is a righteous cause that will never come to fruition if you are not there to make it happen. Somewhere out there is a soul who will be lost if you are not there to guide him or her.
You may say to yourself, "But I am JUST a girl right now!" No, you are not JUST anything. You are a universe of positive potentialities, you are a cosmos of good things to come, you are a future of love and compassion showered upon those who need it most.
Your cats, who are far more discerning than most humans, can sense these things already. They already know that you are a superior being. And they know that your compassion, warmth and love make you truly worthy of feline adulation!
If you will hang in there with us, if you will trust us, if you will believe in yourself and what our Creator has planned for you, then a beautiful life will unfold before you. No, it won't all be roses and laughter--but much of it will be.
You must stay the course--and begin preparing for that day when you go out to make your mark in this world--to make it a better place!
My cats have been to the vet a lot
Even tested for worms that normal dewormers dont kill
Negative.
I have actually been suicidal and this way since I was 12.
I never attempted to kill myself till last year
And once I took that plunge it wasnt hard to try again
I know suicide means your gone forever
Also I'm not on medication right now
Im suppose to be but I've been to afraid to see not psychiatrist
I didn't do a risky behavior on purpose to cause the accident
I made a mistake
Didn't see something
Got anxious was sort of lost..
I'm okay today
We got some chickens
I don't really like chickens but maybe I can befriend these chicks
Nevermind wrote:
J.N-Bucking wrote:
I don't put her too much food out.
Sometimes when I get in all the foods gone, when I give her more she rarely tucks in immediately.
The meawing continues.She never drinks.
I don't know why.
That has worried me, but she seems ok.She is a calico domestic short hair.
She has also started sleeping on the opposite side of the bed than she uses to.
For the drinking problem I'd look into maybe getting a water fountain. You can get a cheap one on amazon.
Cat's natural instincts tell them not to drink still water because in the wild still water can make them sick. When the water is moving they often drink more.
Also cats in the wild would get most there water from the diet they'd eat. Part of the reason wet food is a good option is cause it keeps them hydrated where as dry food dehydrates them.Dunno if that helps.
I know you take great care of your cat. When I talk about this stuff in no way am I saying you have to do this. I just like to share what I've learned. Just cause a water fountain or wet food works for me doesn't mean it works for you. Ultimately it's your cat and I have never even met her.
I got her a water fountain.
She was interested in it at 1st, but didn't use it.
Now she shows it no interest at all, unless she uses it when I'm not around, but I've never seen her use it.
She plays with water dripping from a tap but doesn't drink it.
She's on half wet, half dry food.
I've started adding a bit of water to the wet food just so she gets some water.
You give good cat advice.
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