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PepperJ
last online: 04/30, 3:52
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I am going to start with a post fraught with issues.....

I have a daughter who is 15 and a son who is 16. My daughter has always been mildly "pudgy," but beautiful. She's not "fat," as she is active in soccer, ballet, tap, jazz, and pre pointe; along with the fact that we live by a park and she is always active.

Recently, her 16 year old brother has been giving her a hard time that her tummy has a "roll" when she sits.

I didn't think this really bothered her. But in the last month, her clothes have gotten loose. I made her weigh in front of me and she has lost 25-30 pounds in a month. I told her she's beautiful and doesn't need to worry. Her reply, "My legs are still so big, though..." I told her, "You are a DANCER!"

Just a little worried about her having "body image issues," even though she is overall physically and emotionally healthy. Want to nip this issue in the bud. Any advice?

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Eddieee
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That is what we protract. Be better, be thinner

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PepperJ
last online: 04/30, 3:52
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aspire1122 wrote:
That is what we protract. Be better, be thinner

Unfortunately true :'(

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Rockster160
last online: 11/07, 8:58
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That's a really tough one, unfortunately.

Girls her age are going to have body image issues with or without a brother nagging at them. Its doesn't really help to get after the brother, since she will think you are trying to protect her- which will end up making her even more self conscious.

The best thing to do is to continually support and encourage her. Tell her you're there to talk if she needs, and ask if there is anything you can do to help. It sucks, but part of growing up is going through those things and learning from them. As long as she's got a support system and knows you will be there for her, she'll make it through this. :)

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Padre_J_Roulston
last online: 07/29, 18:58
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I would say that you are doing what you can... Other than possibly reprimanding the brother for inappropriate comments....

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soco
last online: 03/19, 3:49
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At her age, how she comes across to others weighs heavily. Having a family member comment negatively does not help matters as this comes from someone she loves and looks up to.

Set them both down together. He needs to learn this lesson as much as she does, perhaps more so. Tell them that they may think that body image is important but as you get older it is not. Have them look each other in the eye and compliment each other, genuine praise what they like about the other. After one says it to the other have the one being praised repeat what they heard the other say.

Repeat this scenario as often as necessary, meaning more than just two or three times. It needs to sink in that words can not only hurt deeply but have the exact opposite effect also.Final step, hugs all around.

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We have another hurricane coming this way.

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darkscorpia
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I would speak to them both, together. She needs to understand that it is not necessary for her to lose weight but that if she wants to do so in a healthy manner, that you will support her in every step of the process. The brother I would speak to, he needs to understand that what he did was basically bullying and will not be tolerated.

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PepperJ
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Thank you all for the advice; I have been looking at all of the replies and thinking through what I'm going to do.

I did talk to my son last night. I said, "Did you realize that your sister has lost 25-30 pounds in a month?" We talked for a long time. He truly is concerned for his sister and worries about her. It was just a moment of bad judgment on his part.

Next, I will talk to my daughter a bit more. She IS a ballerina (has been taking ballet for 6 years) and has dreams of working as a dancer. Most "professional" dancers have a certain body type. Maybe she's trying to attain that. I will def talk to her about it.

Thank you so much for all your replies

Electric
BA1
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Red Alert!
25-30 pounds!?
First, that's a monumental amount of weight to lose (depending on her last measure). The effort is consisted and there is no doubt she has body issues' especially with her contrasting remark of her "big legs."
It's time to talk to the son and have him put away remarks of food and physical appearance.
The dynamics of your mother/daughter relationship have changed, (so it would seem to a point). She may elect to not divulge all her thoughts to you or outright choices she makes for herself.
It is possible that she may be interested in a guy....?
Could be peer pressure or socially related contrasting to body image & style.
Hope this helps - you have your work cut out for you.

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PepperJ
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Big Al...

You're right on the money. Found out a couple days ago she has her eye on a guy.

Our relationship is still good, though. And my son and I spoke; son and daughter spoke; and all of us spoke. She was a little pudgy, now she's sleek.

She will be okay, I think. I've taken notice of her food intake and she eats very well. She just never has seconds and never has dessert, which really isn't a bad thing, considering diabetes runs in the family. She opts for an apple over apple pie....

She's been in ballet for 6 years, now, I think...or close to it. Most ballerinas have to be a certain body type and I think that is motivating her just as much as everything else.

Most ballerinas have to be 5'3-5'5 and under 120 pounds, I believe

I'm 5'7. She's 5'3 and hasn't grown any taller in a year. At first, she was worried about being small and didn't like it....but I think as she becomes more interested in ballet, she's fine with it

Electric
BA1
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I will keep my best hope for you and her that it is just a mildly rough transition point and nothing too far out.

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PepperJ
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Big-Al-One wrote:
I will keep my best hope for you and her that it is just a mildly rough transition point and nothing too far out.

Thank you...I'm hoping that is all it is, too

Before I had kids, I worked with kids who were in the justice system. Each and every girl who I worked with had body image issues....

Sadly

Electric
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PepperJ wrote:

Big-Al-One wrote:
I will keep my best hope for you and her that it is just a mildly rough transition point and nothing too far out.

Thank you...I'm hoping that is all it is, too

Before I had kids, I worked with kids who were in the justice system. Each and every girl who I worked with had body image issues....

Sadly

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