HelpQA Tags Search FAQ
Start a New Post Chat Login & Registration
Happy earth
smiley
last online: 11/26, 18:47
Verified User (6 years, 1 month)
Long Term User
Shoutout0

Anyone here have experience with non-verbal autism?

My oldest son has autism, but he used phrases picked from books, videos, or songs to communicate when he was little, like the repairman in the movie Batteries Not Included. My youngest doesn't talk at all, and he's resisted our efforts to teach him to sign. He responded really well to picture cards for a few days, then stopped.

Here's my question: He leads people to whatever he wants or needs. Should I "force" him to talk by not going where he leads, or should I encourage this very rudimentary communication?

This closed post was written |
Views: 58, Subscribers: 7 |
Leave a reply | Report Post

⇩ Zoom to bottom
Reciprocity (0)
Reciprocity
Since writing this post smiley may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
Post Tags (5)
talk, autism, rudimentary, communication, leads
Replies (21)
Anonymous
#
(5 hours after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

I have zero experience with non verbal autism, but I have little experience with aspergers-high functioning autism. What I've learned is, you can't force them to do anything and you shouldn't. I've got this opinion that, if it gets the job done, then it's the right way. For example, doesn't matter if they use the fork their way, as long as they can eat with that. There's this forum called autismforums, don't know if you've heard about it, over there you can communicate both with autistic and nt people, a nice community.
-kalinihta

Happy earth
Original Poster
smiley
last online: 11/26, 18:47
Verified User (6 years, 1 month)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(5 hours after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

Anonymous wrote:
I have zero experience with non verbal autism, but I have little experience with aspergers-high functioning autism. What I've learned is, you can't force them to do anything and you shouldn't. I've got this opinion that, if it gets the job done, then it's the right way. For example, doesn't matter if they use the fork their way, as long as they can eat with that. There's this forum called autismforums, don't know if you've heard about it, over there you can communicate both with autistic and nt people, a nice community.
-kalinihta

Thank you, I'll go check them out.

I'm uncomfortable with the idea of forcing anything or intentionally causing frustration, but people keep telling me I should, and I know parents who have had success with just being more stubborn than their child.

Anonymous
#
(6 hours after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

smiley wrote:

Thank you, I'll go check them out.

I'm uncomfortable with the idea of forcing anything or intentionally causing frustration, but people keep telling me I should, and I know parents who have had success with just being more stubborn than their child.

I think you'll find much useful information there and you can get opinions from other people having the same issue.

Well, this is just my opinion, I'm not an expert, but when you're "forcing" an Autistic person, I feel it's similar to forcing a left handed to become a right handed. Doesn't feel right. Don't know. Maybe it's just me. I wouldn't.

Electric
BA1
last online: 01/25, 20:20
Verified User (6 years, 6 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(16 hours after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

I suppose "normality" becomes a subjective view at a certain point, so, I will just say this;

There is a difference between "can't" and "won't." Thus, this should be the new baseline of where to set your standard of expectation.

"Can't," means you're incapable (for any number of legitamite reasons).

"Won't" is an expression of laziness or defiance of standard expectations - I don't care who you are or what your handicap may be.

It's not realistic that your son wordlessly leads you around at his desire and convienience - that's a personal privilege you grant him but must evaporate in an adult, real-world setting.

T7oab4
Kalinihta
last online: 02/03, 11:07
Verified User (6 years, 3 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(23 hours after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

AAA wrote:
I suppose "normality" becomes a subjective view at a certain point, so, I will just say this;

There is a difference between "can't" and "won't." Thus, this should be the new baseline of where to set your standard of expectation.

"Can't," means you're incapable (for any number of legitamite reasons).

"Won't" is an expression of laziness or defiance of standard expectations - I don't care who you are or what your handicap may be.

It's not realistic that your son wordlessly leads you around at his desire and convienience - that's a personal privilege you grant him but must evaporate in an adult, real-world setting.

Who are you and what did you do to Al?
I think we all understand that there's difference between "NT won't do that" and "ND won't do that".

Happy earth
Original Poster
smiley
last online: 11/26, 18:47
Verified User (6 years, 1 month)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(1 day after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

@BA1 sometimes you just can't tell. I might think my son can talk, if only he would try, but I might be wrong.

Dr. ralph club zps9ornptsl
DocteurRalph
last online: <time class="timeago" datetime="1712510088" title="Apr 7, 2024 17:14">Apr 7, 2024 17:14</time>
Verified User (6 years, 6 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(1 day after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

I'm not an expert on autism, but it seems like you should let him communicate with you however he can.

Electric
BA1
last online: 01/25, 20:20
Verified User (6 years, 6 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(1 day after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

@Kalinihta

Who are you and what did you do to Al?

😯

I think we all understand there's difference between
"NT won't do that"
and
"ND won't do that".

?????

Electric
BA1
last online: 01/25, 20:20
Verified User (6 years, 6 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(1 day after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

@smiley

My youngest doesn't talk at all, and he's resisted our efforts to teach him to sign.

Is this to say he has never spoken at all?

Happy earth
Original Poster
smiley
last online: 11/26, 18:47
Verified User (6 years, 1 month)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(1 day after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

AAA wrote:
@smiley

Is this to say he has never spoken at all?

He says "no", "mom", and occasionally "tea". He used to say "dad", "banana", "apple", and "yes" but doesn't anymore. He reads letters of the alphabet out loud whenever he sees them.

Electric
BA1
last online: 01/25, 20:20
Verified User (6 years, 6 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(1 day after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

smiley wrote:

AAA wrote:
@smiley

Is this to say he has never spoken at all?

He says "no", "mom", and occasionally "tea". He used to say "dad", "banana", "apple", and "yes" but doesn't anymore. He reads letters of the alphabet out loud whenever he sees them.

Then my orignal statement stands. He is capable of word formation and speech. These are things he can do but has decided for a lazier way.
Just because he is autistic does not remove the natural tendency of wayward conduct found in any other "normal" child in their developmental years.
A reasonable expectation must be set as a standard and re-enforced with general reward system.
It is true he may never "normally" communicate as expected, BUT the the degree of that can only be measured across his adult years.
However, until that time comes, he is still in development and neither of you can be slack when it comes to making new progress.

Happy earth
Original Poster
smiley
last online: 11/26, 18:47
Verified User (6 years, 1 month)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(1 day after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

@BA1 There's a difference between can form words and can use words to communicate. Parrots and crows can "speak" but they don't talk, except as a trick that they are trained to perform. But your comment is exactly the source of my doubt - if he can talk, I should encourage him, but if he can't, trying to force him will only frustrate him and damage his trust in me.

Electric
BA1
last online: 01/25, 20:20
Verified User (6 years, 6 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(1 day after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

smiley wrote:
@BA1 There's a difference between can form words and can use words to communicate. Parrots and crows can "speak" but they don't talk, except as a trick that they are trained to perform. But your comment is exactly the source of my doubt - if he can talk, I should encourage him, but if he can't, trying to force him will only frustrate him and damage his trust in me.

Why should my comment be a source of doubt? It's clear he understands basic word association, ie "mom" "dad" "yes" "no".
There is a bit of redundancy to the "bird" talk you speak of because he is not an animal....? Therefore, each word he CAN learn (or mimic) will compound as he developes.

I'm not trying to be mean or intentionally rude, but if you wish to defeat my replies, then what was the point of the post -

Should I "force" him to talk by not going where he leads, or should I encourage this very rudimentary communication?

After all...this is the baseline question, to whit, I'm in favor of verbal communication.
If there's any doubt to my support....then there really is no question to present...?

Anonymous
#
(2 days after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

Never force a kid or anyone to talk, no bribes or commands. If you’re on Facebook, I suggest joining groups for “Selective Mutism” - these are support groups for parents with children that struggle to communicate for a number of reasons. The groups have a lot of information on the topic, ask a question and they’ll direct you to relevant information.
Adults experience Selective Mutism as well.

Dr. ralph club zps9ornptsl
DocteurRalph
last online: <time class="timeago" datetime="1712510088" title="Apr 7, 2024 17:14">Apr 7, 2024 17:14</time>
Verified User (6 years, 6 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(4 days after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

How old is this youngest son? I think that's kind of an important point. I know I didn't talk for a long time. My brother and sister were both very verbal when they were 2 and I really didn't say much at all until I was almost 4. I had a big sister that was really close to me though, and I just followed her around. My mom said I didn't need to talk because she did all the talking for me. Yeah I really didn't say much until she went off to kindergarten and I had to talk. Maybe "gently" forcing your son to speak is not so bad. Maybe try closing your eyes and put your hands over his eyes and get some real verbal communication going on while neither of you can see. Lots of times shutting off one sense makes the others more active.

Happy earth
Original Poster
smiley
last online: 11/26, 18:47
Verified User (6 years, 1 month)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(4 days after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

@DocteurRalph he's 3.

Dr. ralph club zps9ornptsl
DocteurRalph
last online: <time class="timeago" datetime="1712510088" title="Apr 7, 2024 17:14">Apr 7, 2024 17:14</time>
Verified User (6 years, 6 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(4 days after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

So have you had him tested for autism as well? I guess you know there's a website they advertise all the time here called autism speaks that really goes into a lot of detail about how to help people with autism communicate better. I was just there and the Center for Disease Control says 1 in 59 children is born with some form of autism... that's amazing. On a brighter note they are really trying to focus on more and better ways to deal with it. https://www.autismspeaks.org/

Dr. ralph club zps9ornptsl
DocteurRalph
last online: <time class="timeago" datetime="1712510088" title="Apr 7, 2024 17:14">Apr 7, 2024 17:14</time>
Verified User (6 years, 6 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(4 days after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

And I raised 5 kids and the one that spoke the least as a baby is the one who talks the most now. My mom was trying to get me to take her to a doctor to see what was wrong with her the first time she went to stay with grandma for a week. Then the next year when we dropped them off at grandma and grandpa's she called the next day and wanted to know how to shut the little girl up. ha Good luck!

Roccoflip
Rockster160
last online: <time class="timeago" datetime="1713976578" title="Apr 24, 2024 16:36">Apr 24, 2024 16:36</time>
Help-QA Admin
Verified User (6 years, 6 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(4 days after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

I didn’t speak until I was 4 as Well.

3 is not very old for not speaking. Many children are “late speakers” In my opinion, combine that with autism and it’s not a scary situation at all. Good call Ralph for the age- I was assuming age 6-10 based on the post.

Happy earth
Original Poster
smiley
last online: 11/26, 18:47
Verified User (6 years, 1 month)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(5 days after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

He has a "working diagnosis" of autism. He displays quite a few characteristics but they've not yet ruled out another cause. Certainly he's speech delayed.

The fact that he likes books makes me think he'll read and write before he speaks.

This post has been closed. Thanks for stopping by!
⇧ Zoom to top

Help-QA supports basic Markdown, emoji 😁, and tagging friends with @username!

To use this site you must be 13 years or older and occasionally submit your email address. Your email address is only shared with your explicit permission.

Home Page - Privacy Policy - Terms of Service - Feedback