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I've convinced myself that I've cheated on my boyfriend while blackout drunk when I KNOW deep down I did not.

About five months ago I had a night out with friends and I ended up drinking way more than I could handle. The last thing I remember was dancing with my girlfriend and guys being around us. When we go out I always tell my friends to pretend we are "together" as a joke but also to keep guys away from me. I've been with my boyfriend for FIVE years and I am so in love with him, I could never imagine cheating but when I get that drunk I'm so scared to worst could have happened. I asked my friend multiple times if I did anything with any guys and she says no every time and that she made sure guys weren't near me. Her reassurance isn't really helping me and I'm tempted to text the guy she was with that night and ask him if I kissed any of his friends... which I know would be crazy because I haven't talked to him in months and he would probably be really confused. I don't know whats wrong with me and why I'm obsessing over this so much. I haven't been drinking since then because it's made me so anxious it's not worth it. I just can't seem to let go of that night and its making me sick.

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Anonymous edited this post .

I've convinced myself that I've cheated on my boyfriend while blackout drunk when I KNOW deep down I did not. About five months ago I had a night out with friends and I ended up drinking way more than I could handle. The last thinkthing I remember was dancing with my girlfriend and guys being around us. When we go out I always tell my friends to pretend we are "together" as a joke but also to keep guys away from me. I've been with my boyfriend for FIVE years and I am so in love with him, I could never imagine cheating but when I get that drunk I'm so scared to worst could have happened. I asked my friend multiple times if I did anything with any guys and she says no every time and that she made sure guys weren't near me. Her reassurance isn't really helping me and I'm tempted to text the guy she was with that night if I kissed any of his friends... which I know would be crazy because I haven't talked to him in months and he would probably be really confused. Idk whats wrong with me and why I'm obsessing over this so much. I haven't been drinking since then because it's mad me so anxious it's not worth it. I just can't seem to let go of that night and its making me sick.

Anonymous edited this post .

I've convinced myself that I've cheated on my boyfriend while blackout drunk when I KNOW deep down I did not. About five months ago I had a night out with friends and I ended up drinking way more than I could handle. The last thing I remember was dancing with my girlfriend and guys being around us. When we go out I always tell my friends to pretend we are "together" as a joke but also to keep guys away from me. I've been with my boyfriend for FIVE years and I am so in love with him, I could never imagine cheating but when I get that drunk I'm so scared to worst could have happened. I asked my friend multiple times if I did anything with any guys and she says no every time and that she made sure guys weren't near me. Her reassurance isn't really helping me and I'm tempted to text the guy she was with that night and ask him if I kissed any of his friends... which I know would be crazy because I haven't talked to him in months and he would probably be really confused. Idk whats wrong with me and why I'm obsessing over this so much. I haven't been drinking since then because it's mad me so anxious it's not worth it. I just can't seem to let go of that night and its making me sick.

Anonymous edited this post .

I've convinced myself that I've cheated on my boyfriend while blackout drunk when I KNOW deep down I did not. About five months ago I had a night out with friends and I ended up drinking way more than I could handle. The last thing I remember was dancing with my girlfriend and guys being around us. When we go out I always tell my friends to pretend we are "together" as a joke but also to keep guys away from me. I've been with my boyfriend for FIVE years and I am so in love with him, I could never imagine cheating but when I get that drunk I'm so scared to worst could have happened. I asked my friend multiple times if I did anything with any guys and she says no every time and that she made sure guys weren't near me. Her reassurance isn't really helping me and I'm tempted to text the guy she was with that night and ask him if I kissed any of his friends... which I know would be crazy because I haven't talked to him in months and he would probably be really confused. Idk whats wrong with me and why I'm obsessing over this so much. I haven't been drinking since then because it's madmade me so anxious it's not worth it. I just can't seem to let go of that night and its making me sick.

Anonymous edited this post .

I've convinced myself that I've cheated on my boyfriend while blackout drunk when I KNOW deep down I did not. About five months ago I had a night out with friends and I ended up drinking way more than I could handle. The last thing I remember was dancing with my girlfriend and guys being around us. When we go out I always tell my friends to pretend we are "together" as a joke but also to keep guys away from me. I've been with my boyfriend for FIVE years and I am so in love with him, I could never imagine cheating but when I get that drunk I'm so scared to worst could have happened. I asked my friend multiple times if I did anything with any guys and she says no every time and that she made sure guys weren't near me. Her reassurance isn't really helping me and I'm tempted to text the guy she was with that night and ask him if I kissed any of his friends... which I know would be crazy because I haven't talked to him in months and he would probably be really confused. Idk whats wrong with me and why I don't know whats wrong with me and why I'm obsessing over this so much. I haven't been drinking since then because it's made me so anxious it's not worth it. I just can't seem to let go of that night and its making me sick.

Happy earth
(21 minutes after post)
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Trust your friend.

But don't drink so much that you lose control, ever.

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(1 hour after post)
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smiley wrote:
Trust your friend.

But don't drink so much that you lose control, ever.

You're right. For some reason I'm just afraid if I ever see this guy again that my friend was with- he will tell me that I ran off and was kissing his friends. I have no idea why I'm making up this scenario in my head, I feel like a crazy person! My friend also told me we weren't even at the club for a long time but at one point I ran off by myself. She said I wasn't gone long but I'm scared that's when something bad happened.. I keep thinking I'm done over thinking this but then I start thinking about it again and obsessing and replaying the night in my head over and over again. I sometimes think I have ocd because I do this with other situations as well.

Roccoflip
(2 hours after post)
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Has your friend been known to lie/cover up stuff like that?

There's no reason not to trust your friend, and if you're not the type of person to do that kind of thing, even more reason to believe you didn't do anything.

If you're really concerned, you can talk about it to your boyfriend. Tell him you don't think you did anything, but you were drunk enough that night that you're not sure and it's bothering you.

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Anonymous
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(3 hours after post)
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Rockster160 wrote:
Has your friend been known to lie/cover up stuff like that?

There's no reason not to trust your friend, and if you're not the type of person to do that kind of thing, even more reason to believe you didn't do anything.

If you're really concerned, you can talk about it to your boyfriend. Tell him you don't think you did anything, but you were drunk enough that night that you're not sure and it's bothering you.

No, I really do trust her and I'm not that type of person at all. The thought of kissing another guy disgusts me.. I'm mainly just worried about what happened when I wondered off at one point in the night and never knowing what happened. I know when I'm drunk I never even look in a guys direction.. but I just don't know how I am when I'm completely black out.

I was just reading old text messages and saw messages from the guy she was with. I was so tempted to text him and ask him if anything happened it made me feel like I was going to have a panic attack..but I know that if I did text him it would be crazy and I hardly know the guy so it would have been even weirder. I also don't trust him and know he would probably just mock me for asking about something so ridiculous.

Also a little background.. I was living in Orlando at the time and my boyfriend and I where doing long distance for six months.. We are together now and I usually don't even think about what happened.. Some days I just stress about it more than others. I have already talked to him about it a few times and how I regret how drunk I got and I felt like I disrespected myself. He told me it's okay and to just put it behind me. I don't want to annoy him by bringing it up more!

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Anonymous
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(3 hours after post)
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I also think just writing all this down puts things into perspective for me.

Roccoflip
(3 hours after post)
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I agree with him. Sounds like you need to move on and put it behind you.

If you don't do that when you're drunk, chances are you won't do it when you're black out drunk. Alcohol reduces our inhibitions. It makes you more willing to do things you're hesitant on doing normally, but you don't suddenly become a totally different person.

I truly think you're safe. 😊 I don't think you have anything to worry about.

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(3 hours after post)
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Rockster160 wrote:
I agree with him. Sounds like you need to move on and put it behind you.

If you don't do that when you're drunk, chances are you won't do it when you're black out drunk. Alcohol reduces our inhibitions. It makes you more willing to do things you're hesitant on doing normally, but you don't suddenly become a totally different person.

I truly think you're safe. 😊 I don't think you have anything to worry about.

Thanks so much. So glad I have this website to vent and for people like you to help me out!

My main concern now is that I will see the guy my friend was seeing then when I go back to Orlando to visit and he will tell me I was cheating... But I truly think this is me being completely irrational. I feel like once I convince myself I haven't done anything wrong, my crazy brain thinks of ways to make me worry all over again. You're right though, it's officially time to put all this behind me. Thanks again for your help! It's always nice hearing an outsiders perspective.

Roccoflip
(4 hours after post)
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Anonymous wrote:

Rockster160 wrote:
I agree with him. Sounds like you need to move on and put it behind you.

If you don't do that when you're drunk, chances are you won't do it when you're black out drunk. Alcohol reduces our inhibitions. It makes you more willing to do things you're hesitant on doing normally, but you don't suddenly become a totally different person.

I truly think you're safe. 😊 I don't think you have anything to worry about.

Thanks so much. So glad I have this website to vent and for people like you to help me out!

My main concern now is that I will see the guy my friend was seeing then when I go back to Orlando to visit and he will tell me I was cheating... But I truly think this is me being completely irrational. I feel like once I convince myself I haven't done anything wrong, my crazy brain thinks of ways to make me worry all over again. You're right though, it's officially time to put all this behind me. Thanks again for your help! It's always nice hearing an outsiders perspective.

You bet! And for what it's worth, the guy probably doesn't remember either. We tend to overthink a lot of what other will say/think/do, but to be honest most of the time they're concerned with themselves as much as you are with you!

Electric
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(4 hours after post)
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The lesson is simple....
Stop drinking.

12
(5 hours after post)
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I read this and now I’ve accidentally summoned a demon.

Dr. ralph club zps9ornptsl
(8 hours after post)
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Time to get over it. Nothing happened and what if it did? There's nothing you can do about it now... don't drink so much. Seriously.

8c4b2750 eacb 4bb1 8471 bb64a37cbd76
(8 hours after post)
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I do that all the time. The stressing about small, forgotten details thing, not the blackout-drunk. I try to tell myself it's insignificant and nothing is really wrong, but it still gets to me.

Ive started doing this thing where if I start to feel it coming on, I'll count to 5. And while counting, I'm allowed to be angry and stressing and freaking out, but once I get to 5- I push it out of my mind and move on to the next thing. It might come back later, but I find they start to come back less and less.

Help me with:

Hello everyone!

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I remember listening to an npr interview that basically "blackout drunk" is something some people with certain brain chemistry are susceptible to. So you don't necessarily have to he super drunk to experience it. However, if you do experience black outs when drinking, you should probably be VERY careful when you drink, because I can imagine it is scary to lose time like that.

If your friend was with you the whole night, then you're fine. like what was said above, it doesn't sound like she has a good motive to lie about it.

As a minor thought, you do seem a little over worried about the thought of cheating on your bf, which seems a little weird in and of itself? Like when you say that even thinking about kissing another guy disgusts you, while a romantic idea, seems a little unrealistic. We all have imaginations...anyway, as far as whether you did something, I bet you're fine.

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(1 day after post)
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Lano wrote:
I remember listening to an npr interview that basically "blackout drunk" is something some people with certain brain chemistry are susceptible to. So you don't necessarily have to he super drunk to experience it. However, if you do experience black outs when drinking, you should probably be VERY careful when you drink, because I can imagine it is scary to lose time like that.

If your friend was with you the whole night, then you're fine. like what was said above, it doesn't sound like she has a good motive to lie about it.

As a minor thought, you do seem a little over worried about the thought of cheating on your bf, which seems a little weird in and of itself? Like when you say that even thinking about kissing another guy disgusts you, while a romantic idea, seems a little unrealistic. We all have imaginations...anyway, as far as whether you did something, I bet you're fine.

I think I worry because I do remember at one point dancing with guys(which is really out of character for me)... that's all though. I just have this fear in the back of my mind that it was more than dancing. But like I said, I told my boyfriend about that and he's forgiven me and wants to move on.

I just know if it was anything more he would dump me and I couldn't bare the thought of that.. We have our whole life planned together. Things are going great in our relationship and we are about to move to a town we both love together.

The more I think rationally about this though.. the more I feel like it didn't happen. I would have most likely found out already. I know it is weird I've been obsessing over this, I totally agree. I just think when things are going well for me I think of ways to ruin it!!

Anonymous
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(1 day after post)
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I personally don't understand how people do the whole monogamy thing anyway. Especially for super extended periods of time.

"Every one of us has a thousand different kinds of tiny people inside of us. And some of them want to get out and be wild, some want to be sad, or happy, or inventive or even just go dancing. That's why we all have so many different urges at different times. And all those different little people inside us, we must never be afraid to take them with us wherever we go. I mean, who knows when we may need one of them to pop up and rescue us from ourselves. Variety, the great secret is not the variety of life, it's the variety of us." -Lwaxana Troi

(showing off my geekiness)

Electric
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Anonymous wrote:
I personally don't understand how people do the whole monogamy thing anyway. Especially for super extended periods of time.

"Every one of us has a thousand different kinds of tiny people inside of us. And some of them want to get out and be wild, some want to be sad, or happy, or inventive or even just go dancing. That's why we all have so many different urges at different times. And all those different little people inside us, we must never be afraid to take them with us wherever we go. I mean, who knows when we may need one of them to pop up and rescue us from ourselves. Variety, the great secret is not the variety of life, it's the variety of us." -Lwaxana Troi

(showing off my geekiness)

Even though this may be true, it doesn't mean we should pimp every last aspect of ourselves out to Hoe-dom...
It's lazy when one does not take the effort to find someone that has (most) of the same things in common with ourselves.

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Anonymous wrote:
I personally don't understand how people do the whole monogamy thing anyway. Especially for super extended periods of time.

"Every one of us has a thousand different kinds of tiny people inside of us. And some of them want to get out and be wild, some want to be sad, or happy, or inventive or even just go dancing. That's why we all have so many different urges at different times. And all those different little people inside us, we must never be afraid to take them with us wherever we go. I mean, who knows when we may need one of them to pop up and rescue us from ourselves. Variety, the great secret is not the variety of life, it's the variety of us." -Lwaxana Troi

(showing off my geekiness)

Monogamy has it's purpose, and it's stability and security. On the other hand, many people don't need that, or find that polyarmory isn't mutually exclusive with it.

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(4 days after post)
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~CaitherrA~ wrote:
I do that all the time. The stressing about small, forgotten details thing, not the blackout-drunk. I try to tell myself it's insignificant and nothing is really wrong, but it still gets to me.

Ive started doing this thing where if I start to feel it coming on, I'll count to 5. And while counting, I'm allowed to be angry and stressing and freaking out, but once I get to 5- I push it out of my mind and move on to the next thing. It might come back later, but I find they start to come back less and less.

Thank You! I definitely need to try this.

Dr. ralph club zps9ornptsl
(1 week after post)
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I never found the monogamy thing difficult. Of course I slutted around for 10 years before I decided to get married and have kids and be monogamous. Then it was more about if I slept with another girl it would be taking a chance on tearing my family apart. I really love my kids, maybe more than my wife, and having ***sex just wasn't more important than making sure I was with my kids every day in a stable home.

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