HelpQA Tags Search FAQ
Start a New Post Chat Login & Registration
This post left anonymously

Soo...I'm 36 years old.

And I still think about it.

I was in the first grade. Any time any kind of violence happens in my life, I think about that kid. John Anderson.

I can see his face. I can remember his name. I don't remember those things easily about people.

Faces and names go in one ear and out the other.

But I remember his. I was an asshole to him.

I stabbed him in his knee. Why? because he brought a hotwheels car to school. I said it was mine. He said it was his. Obviously it was his. But I did that.


In the first grade. What does that make me.


Tell me what you think of that. I have no doubt I deserve any judgement.

This open post was written |
Views: 77, Subscribers: 7 |
Leave a reply | Report Post

⇩ Zoom to bottom
Reciprocity (0)
Reciprocity
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
Post Tags (5)
remember, doubt, deserve, grade, judgement
Replies (19)
Anonymous edited this post .

Soo...I'm 36 years old. And I still think about it. ¬ ¬ I was in the first grade. Any time any kind of violence happens in my life, I think about that kid. John Anderson. ¬ ¬ I can see his face. I can remember his name. I don't remember those things easily about people. ¬ ¬ Faces and names go in one ear and out the other.¬ ¬ But I remember his. I was an asshole to him.¬ ¬ I stabbed him in his knee. Why? because he brought a hotwheels car to school. I said it was mine. He said it was his. Obviously it was his. But I did that easily about people. ¬ ¬ Faces and names go in one ear and out the other.¬ ¬ But I remember his. I was an asshole to him.¬ ¬ I stabbed him in his knee. Why? because he brought a hotwheels car to school. I said it was mine. He said it was his. Obviously it was his. But I did that. ¬ ¬ ¬ In the first grade. What does that make me. ¬ ¬ ¬ Tell me what you think of that. I have no doubt I deserve any judgement.

Anonymous
#
(8 minutes after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

I think at some point everybody does something to hurt those around us. As kids. Sometimes we’re selfish and we just don’t realize the effects of what we’re doing.

I can’t tell you all of the flashes of mean things I did to other kids when I was young as well- and I was known as the quiet, shy, but nice kid.

If there was only a handful of times you can remember being mean to somebody- I’d say you’re a pretty good soul.

Original Poster
Anonymous
#
(14 minutes after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

i wish i could apologize to him. not to make anything i did to him better. i know it wouldn't. but just so he knows i'm sorry. i wish i had never done it. now any time some violence happen in my life. i think of him. i can see his face crying. and it hurts me. but i know it should. i deserve anything i get from hurting someone else.

Original Poster
Anonymous
#
(14 minutes after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

thank you though. i have gone 30 something years never doing anything like it. i won't. i couldn't. not again.

Anonymous
#
(19 minutes after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

That’s called empathy. You feel for him. You understand the pain you put him through. You don’t want to put anybody else through that pain.

That’s a great quality to have. You are a good person.

43ca60d0 2fa2 42fe b234 d2ff6891f6dc
music=life
last online: 03/02, 13:45
Verified User (6 years, 3 weeks)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(32 minutes after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

You were a child, and we all make mistakes. I think that it would make you feel better and give you closure to apologize. You don’t have to but you have nothing to lose by doing so. Just remember you are a good person and just made one mistake

Original Poster
Anonymous
#
(2 hours after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

i feel horrible. i hope what all of you say is true. but i still did it. most other kids didn't do that kind of thing. no matter how big an ***ass hole they were they didn't go around stabbing other kids...

i really fear i got off to easy.

12
Jebus-Zeus
last online: 10/09, 19:48
Verified User (6 years, 7 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(2 hours after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

youre still thinking that hotwheel is yours, typical narcissistic behavior

Bejbybird
Mya
last online: 08/21, 7:48
Verified User (6 years, 2 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(3 hours after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

Aaaw, biiig hug!

I am absolutely sure, having read this, he would forgive you - if he was normal..

If he got all traumatized from it, unable to overcome the trauma, and making him an abuser, too; well, that might be a bit different..

Will you ever know?!

Bejbybird
Mya
last online: 08/21, 7:48
Verified User (6 years, 2 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(3 hours after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

Jebus-Zeus wrote:
youre still thinking that hotwheel is yours, typical narcissistic behavior

:D

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
Sherlock
last online: 07/08, 10:43
Verified User (6 years, 6 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(4 hours after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

Contact him. Tell him you are still haunted by a stupid thing you did as a kid. Tell him you are sorry and that you hope he will forgive you, though it was a long time ago.

And send him this: https://www.ebay.com/itm/Hot-Wheels-50th-Annive...

He's probably got kids of his own now, and they'd love that!

I still remember the little Matchbox cars and other vehicles when I was a kid. They were very well made. I do not know if they are still around or not.

We were not in full possession of our faculties at age six. Ask for forgiveness, make amends. If you are not forgiven by him, ask God for forgiveness and then forgive yourself!

Anonymous
#
(8 hours after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

As kids, we are all jerks. Literally walking middle fingers. We don't care! Little Johnny has a cookie and you want it? You take it.
Sometimes later in life we regret our actions after we've grown and realized our actions were considered a bit heinous.
I have things that eat away at me sometimes. I just remind myself, it's in the past and I can't change it but I can remember not to act like that again.

6ac6ec97 7651 45c5 b346 63c4b75d6c66
Evansent
last online: 08/18, 9:33
Verified User (6 years, 7 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(10 hours after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

I think we’ve all done stupid things as kids, it’s part of growing up. I know I’ve done plenty, if ai could turn the clock back I would but it’s futile even trying.
So you just have to learn from it and be a better person.
Admitting your faults is the first step which you clearly regret your actions as many others do.
It’s time you forgave yourself. Your only human at the end of the day.
Stop being so hard on yourself.

Electric
BA1
last online: 01/25, 20:20
Verified User (6 years, 7 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout2
#
(14 hours after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

I've been thinking about this for a little while.
The main concern I have is your current state of affairs.
You're remenescing about the past. This usually happens when you reach a low point in your life.
How are things going for you now?

Bejbybird
Mya
last online: 08/21, 7:48
Verified User (6 years, 2 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(22 hours after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

No-Account wrote:

You're remenescing about the past. This usually happens when you reach a low point in your life.

..and suffer from anxiety, ptsd, or are an introvert, INFJ..

(which in this case does not seem to be the case)

Bejbybird
Mya
last online: 08/21, 7:48
Verified User (6 years, 2 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(22 hours after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

Anonymous wrote:
As kids, we are all jerks. Literally walking middle fingers. We don't care! Little Johnny has a cookie and you want it? You take it.

Evansent wrote:
I think we’ve all done stupid things as kids, it’s part of growing up.

Well, i don't have one good thing to say about myself as an adult, but when i was a child* i never hurt anyone, or did anything bad..

(if i don't count accidentally burning a neighbour's stack of hay when i wanted to test matches at age 5;

-> Punishment: my father did not manage to catch me to beat the cr*p out of me

-> LESSON learnt: never burning anything down, even when i so wanted to my ex's house.

and, also age 5, throwing kids' folded clothes from chairs near their hospital beds on the floor as i found it fun and being caught because i left my own clothes on the chair (?!?)

-> Punishment: locked up in a solitary room (with bars on a window) when all the other kids went to the cinema

-> LESSON learnt: if i do something naughty, i have to do it to myself as well so i don't get caught.

-> UNJUSTICE: when all the hospital kids ate a baby's box of chocolates left by parents except for me, and none of them was caught or punished.)

* me being a child: constant abuse (physical, mental, emotional, neglect, bullying) from parents, sibling, relatives, teachers..and onlookers; and lots of time in hospital.

6ac6ec97 7651 45c5 b346 63c4b75d6c66
Evansent
last online: 08/18, 9:33
Verified User (6 years, 7 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(1 day after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

Very unjust indeed. ^^

1581744157174 1581744149313 miss bot
soco
last online: 03/19, 3:49
Verified User (6 years, 7 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(2 days after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

Do you want to move past this? Because it seems to be eating at you from the inside out. 30 years is a long time to be beating yourself up about something petty. But to you it isn't petty. It's a very sore and still open wound.
Start with at risk teens. Volunteer to help mentor them. If you can keep just one at risk teen from becoming a bully you will feel some warmth in your heart. Keep it going and if possible, work on reaching younger and younger kids. Perhaps even those with Special Needs.

Help me with:

We have another hurricane coming this way.

Original Poster
Anonymous
#
(4 days after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

soco wrote:
Do you want to move past this? Because it seems to be eating at you from the inside out. 30 years is a long time to be beating yourself up about something petty. But to you it isn't petty. It's a very sore and still open wound.
Start with at risk teens. Volunteer to help mentor them. If you can keep just one at risk teen from becoming a bully you will feel some warmth in your heart. Keep it going and if possible, work on reaching younger and younger kids. Perhaps even those with Special Needs.

Good advice thanks. I don't think I think about it all the time as much as I vowed never to be violent again. Okay maybe in a way I think about it all the time. If anything is good about this, it's that, might there have been any other times I may have felt like randomly being this big a dick, maybe it has kept me from doing it again.

I'm big time anti bully and safe environment type now, but can't feel like I'm not a hypocrite too at the same time.

1581744157174 1581744149313 miss bot
soco
last online: 03/19, 3:49
Verified User (6 years, 7 months)
Long Term User
Shoutout0
#
(4 days after post)
Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

We hear you. At least you think before you react. Most bullies turn most every situation as a personal attack and immediately retaliate, a la our president. Keep the faith and come back anytime.

Help me with:

We have another hurricane coming this way.

A
⇧ Zoom to top

Help-QA supports basic Markdown, emoji 😁, and tagging friends with @username!

To use this site you must be 13 years or older and occasionally submit your email address. Your email address is only shared with your explicit permission.

Home Page - Privacy Policy - Terms of Service - Feedback