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Padre_J_Roulston
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Shoutout7

So I've started writing a new thing...

At least I have the idea, and have started to put the pen to paper... as it were.

I was wondering what yous thought of what I have so far. I'm not sure if I should try the landing, or starting off on the ground.

We were all in the food court of the Charon, Earth’s first interstellar ship, awaiting the captain’s announcement. It was expected any minute.
Ding, “Attention please. This is the Captain speaking.” The captain’s image, along with all of our elected leaders, was displayed on the viewscreen. “As you know, our mission started 15 years ago when billionaire and philanthropist Joseph Singer commissioned and bankrolled the construction of the Charon. While Elon Musk, Richard Branson, and others looked to Mars to save Earth, Singer looked to the stars.”
It was obvious to me that the captain had been preparing this speech for some time. He took a sip of water and continued. “Also, as you know, we received word 3 years ago that earth is safe. The asteroid that was aiming for earth was successfully diverted, and the colony on mars established. It may have been a threat to earth that started the construction, but when the threat passed our mission continued. Phase Two started ten years ago when 200 souls boarded the ship and our engines fired, beginning our decade long journey. And now it is my pleasure to announce the completion of Phase Two. The Charon has entered into a stable orbit of Proxima B.” A deafening cheer went up by the more than 100 people present.
Governor Peters started talking next, “Now I know you are all as excited by this as I am, but there is more exciting news. Our science teams have been doing scans over the past weeks as we’ve closed on Proxima, and it appears that the planet is habitable!” An even bigger cheer went up.
When we left on this mission we didn’t know if we would be spending ten years in space, and colonizing a planet, or spending twenty years in space to end up back in Sol.
“I’m told that the scans indicate that the atmosphere is similar to that of earth, though with a higher concentration of CO2 and other trace gasses. There is also liquid water in the form of oceans, which you should be able to see out your windows.”
All of the eyes in the room looked to the ceiling. The ship’s rotation brought the planet into view, and the governor was not wrong. There before us was Proxima B. Our new home. Broad oceans, and vast, dark continents. Much darker than earth. No green to brighten the planet’s surface.
I looked at my wife, Ashley, who was standing beside me. We both had smiles lighting our faces. “We’ve made it!” We embraced, careful of her pregnant belly.
“Troy, I can’t believe it. We’re here.”
The captain began issuing orders, “All hands, prepare for Phase Three. Stow all cargo. Secure living spaces. Department heads report to briefing room Alpha for assignment details.” His voice again became more casual, “We’ve made it everyone. Congratulations!” Ding. The screen went dark.

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Replies (23)
Roccoflip
(1 hour after post)
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Sounds interesting! 😄

Do you always write Sci-fi?

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16935743 1750032141977429 1455532587 o
(1 hour after post)
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Typically. That or Fantasy, though I don't do as much fantasy.

Electric
(7 hours after post)
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Just a thought.
1. The Captian isn't going to announce something they don't already know (other than the arrival of the ship to the planet, your need to convey a history lesson will need to come from a different character source). Further, these people are already busy gearing up to go to the surface - much busier than they've been in nearly a decade. Personal opinion? If you want to convey a history lesson, maybe begin at the begining - such as a Colony Child in space class, listening to his/her teacher drone on until...the story dissolves into his/her young adult years when they finally make orbit.
Or...(Part B), explain the back history in bits and pieces as the story moves along. Without the need to crunch it in, you can be more considerate of your characters, environment, cosmology, discovery, solutions - etc...
Just sayin....
2. Higher C02 levels??? I wouldn't play too far into that thought. Green things tend to thrive in higher C02 environments....resulting in more oxygen production....
Just sayin....
Over-all, a fair start. Sounds good.

Happy earth
(11 hours after post)
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Sounds like an interesting start. I agree that the history needs a little work. It comes off awkward. Maybe it should either be covered later in the story, or should be in a prologue?

Also, before the announcement, the passengers were unable to see the planet? Didn't know they were in orbit around the star? Was there a grand unveiling consisting of opening the viewing window, or had nobody looked up?

Dr. ralph club zps9ornptsl
(16 hours after post)
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I want to colonize a new planet now. I like the idea, it sounds like an interesting read. You know there's already got to be life there, maybe some sexy earth like beings... I can already see Captain Kirk hooking up first.

16935743 1750032141977429 1455532587 o
(19 hours after post)
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smiley wrote:
Sounds like an interesting start. I agree that the history needs a little work. It comes off awkward. Maybe it should either be covered later in the story, or should be in a prologue?

Also, before the announcement, the passengers were unable to see the planet? Didn't know they were in orbit around the star? Was there a grand unveiling consisting of opening the viewing window, or had nobody looked up?

I was thinking that this would be a prologue. The more I think about it, the more I don't want to attempt to write the landing. As such have the history lesson, and then skip to the beginning of the colony.

As for the passengers being able to see the planet... it stands to reason that they would have been able to see the planet closing for the past weeks... what I wanted to convey was, in part, that the ship rotated to create a gravity effect... and that they were getting their first communal good look at the planet.

😎B.A.1😎 wrote:
Just a thought.
1. The Captian isn't going to announce something they don't already know (other than the arrival of the ship to the planet, your need to convey a history lesson will need to come from a different character source). Further, these people are already busy gearing up to go to the surface - much busier than they've been in nearly a decade. Personal opinion? If you want to convey a history lesson, maybe begin at the begining - such as a Colony Child in space class, listening to his/her teacher drone on until...the story dissolves into his/her young adult years when they finally make orbit.
Or...(Part B), explain the back history in bits and pieces as the story moves along. Without the need to crunch it in, you can be more considerate of your characters, environment, cosmology, discovery, solutions - etc...
Just sayin....
2. Higher C02 levels??? I wouldn't play too far into that thought. Green things tend to thrive in higher C02 environments....resulting in more oxygen production....
Just sayin....
Over-all, a fair start. Sounds good.

I actually really like the school room idea. It could be the great grandchild of the main character in class on Proxima learning about the beginnings of the colony.

As for the CO2... I'm going with the basis that there is no alien life on the planet. So even though it has the necessary gasses there wouldn't be any green. Hopefully the plants they brought will thrive in the alien world though!

DocteurRalph wrote:
I want to colonize a new planet now. I like the idea, it sounds like an interesting read. You know there's already got to be life there, maybe some sexy earth like beings... I can already see Captain Kirk hooking up first.

Unfortunately Docteur I'm going with the assumption of no life... so Captain Kirk is going to have to keep it in his pants. 😄

Thank you all for your support, and feedback. 😄

16935743 1750032141977429 1455532587 o
(19 hours after post)
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Another question for you all. What do you think the inhabitants of Proxima would call themelves?

On Earth, we're Earthlings, Terrans, etc.

What would it be on Proxima? Proxans, Proximans

I really don't know what to go with on this.

Druid
(23 hours after post)
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I love it so far!
Personally I like Proxans for the inhabitants.

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Dr. ralph club zps9ornptsl
(1 day after post)
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Proximians, Proximites, or just Proxims.

Happy earth
(1 day after post)
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That's how you tell a colony planet versus a native lifeform planet - the creative names. I think that everywhere in the universe where life evolved/was created, the planet will be called some variation of "dirt" or "water". The planets that have been colonized will have names that appeal to their settlers.

First several generations would think of themselves as earthlings still, or maybe colonists. Later they might adopt the name of their home as part of their identity.

Happy earth
(1 day after post)
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But of the names suggested, I like Proxans.

Grunt
(2 days after post)
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hey padre it was a pleasure to read.. kinda reminds me of the duchy of Richmond we once ran with. the story doesn't end there from my ***pov.

basically .. its a neat segment of a bigger tale obviously.

16935743 1750032141977429 1455532587 o
(2 days after post)
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So, I liked the school setting to go over the history lesson. As such, I've rewritten this section to reflect that. It is set quite a bit farther into the future than where the story is going to take place. This will essentially be the prologue.

Stardate: 220546.33 (February 2, 2100)

Mrs. Jenson walked quickly into the room and immediately called the class to order, “Good morning everyone. Today we’re going to be doing a little review from last Prox.” She set her things down, grabbed a whiteboard marker, and started writing on the board at the front of the room.
I continued doodling in my notebook, looking out the window occasionally at the grassy field. I couldn’t wait until later when I could be out there playing soccer.
“Ty… Ty!”
Mrs. Jenson calling my name brought me back to class, however. I stood up. “Yes Ma’am?” The rest of the class snickered.
“Perhaps you could answer the question… What is the reason that we are all here on Proxima?”
“Um… the people on Earth… uh… Terrans, thought that an asteroid was going to hit Earth and kill everyone.”
“Go on.”
I tried to ignore the rest of the class as they all looked at me awaiting my answer. “The Terrans started construction on numerous ark ships to save the human race. Our ship was the Charon.”
“Good. Sit.” I did so. Mrs. Jenson continued, “Most of those ships were headed to Mars. Nancy. Why was the Charon sent here instead?”
Nancy stood up as I took my seat again. I hated when Mrs. Jenson called on me like that.
Nancy answered, “It was because of Joseph Singer. He built the Charon and sent it here.”
Mrs. Jenson signaled for Nancy to sit down and took up the narrative. “Correct. The nations of Earth, as well as many private companies, built ships headed for Mars because it was much closer, and there had already been research into the colonization process. Joseph Singer, however, looked farther afield for his ship.” She looked around the room, “Kyle! How long did the trip from Earth take?”
Kyle slowly stood up. Kyle always took his time when answering. “The journey took a total of 10 years. Five years accelerating to half the speed of light, and another five years decelerating into orbit around Proxima. Officially the date of arrival into orbit was March 21, 2034 on the Earth calendar.”
“Good Kyle. What more can you tell us?”
Kyle looked out the window for a moment before continuing, “When the Charon reached Proxima, they came across an almost perfect situation. Proxima is 1.3 time larger than Earth, with approximately the same length of day, though the year is significantly shorter, not even two earth weeks. Furthermore, the atmosphere was almost identical to that of earth, being a Nitrogen Oxygen atmosphere, though with higher CO2 content than Earth.”
I started to drift off again, as the teacher and the other students continued to ramble on about how we came to Proxima and became the first interstellar human colony. It was a boring subject, and one that was covered every prox. As my mind drifted I wondered what it would have been like to be my Great Grandparents as they stepped foot onto an alien world.

Roccoflip
(2 days after post)
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Hm. This scene feels to me like a group of kids who have grown up on earth and recently arrived on the new planet. They talk about Earth with a familiarity that is very unlikely they would have if they had never been there.

Assuming "prox day" is the holiday marked by the inhabiting/landing of Proxima.
I think of history class in the US, talking about something like Independence Day. Whenever it comes around, all of the history classes focus on it, discuss it, etc- but they recite facts and discuss how/what came to be- it's not a personal recollection, but rather a statement.

Also- it's unlikely the kids (especially somebody like the ***POV character- who seems bored by the subject and day dreams during class) would have such an easy time recalling these facts with such precise detail without rehearsing/studying very recently.

Used to be better at formulating my thoughts to words, but struggling now. 😅

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9109252
(2 days after post)
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I can get down with it. Is it a short story or a preview chapter for something longer?

Happy earth
(2 days after post)
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Well I like it. Good start.

16935743 1750032141977429 1455532587 o
(2 days after post)
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Neutra-The-SpaceWeaver wrote:
I can get down with it. Is it a short story or a preview chapter for something longer?

This is going to be the prologue for the larger story... though to be honest I have no idea how long that story might be. 😀

Rockster160 wrote:
Hm. This scene feels to me like a group of kids who have grown up on earth and recently arrived on the new planet. They talk about Earth with a familiarity that is very unlikely they would have if they had never been there.

Assuming "prox day" is the holiday marked by the inhabiting/landing of Proxima.
I think of history class in the US, talking about something like Independence Day. Whenever it comes around, all of the history classes focus on it, discuss it, etc- but they recite facts and discuss how/what came to be- it's not a personal recollection, but rather a statement.

Also- it's unlikely the kids (especially somebody like the ***POV character- who seems bored by the subject and day dreams during class) would have such an easy time recalling these facts with such precise detail without rehearsing/studying very recently.

Used to be better at formulating my thoughts to words, but struggling now. 😅

A 'Prox' is the equivalent unit as a year on earth.
From the research i've done, a year on Proxima B is about 11.2 earth days. (being much closer to the star than earth to the sun. Yet still in the star's green zone)
For the purposes of the book I've done time as such: seconds, minutes and hours are the same on Proxima as Earth

25 hour = 1 Day [Earth Equivalent: Day]
11 days = 1 Year (leap day every 5 years) [Earth Equivalent: Week]
5 years = 1 Lutrum (including the leap day) [Earth Equivalent: Month]
8 Lustrum = 1 Prox [Earth Equivalent: Year]
4 Decade = 1 Prox [Earth Equivalent: Year]

(I have not yet figured out the days of the year.)

I was hoping that by stating that this topic is something that is covered every prox(year) it would convey the familiarity.

smiley wrote:
Well I like it. Good start.

Thank you 😄


I would like to hear more of everyone's opinions/thoughts/concerns.

Dr. ralph club zps9ornptsl
(3 days after post)
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So what's the weather like there? A year every 11 days? Hmm..

16935743 1750032141977429 1455532587 o
(3 days after post)
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Well... seasons are determined by axial tilt. If the tilt were similar to earth(23degrees), it would go from blazing heat to winter every few days...

I'm thinking of making it closer to that of venus (2degrees) where the seasons would be minimal.

Happy earth
(3 days after post)
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Padre_J_Roulston wrote:
Well... seasons are determined by axial tilt. If the tilt were similar to earth(23degrees), it would go from blazing heat to winter every few days...

I'm thinking of making it closer to that of venus (2degrees) where the seasons would be minimal.

Minimal seasons would result in either very, very regular weather patterns, or possibly no changes in weather at all. But unless it's relevant to the story, I don't think it matters. I assume they grow food. Growing season would be perpetual, except some earth plants might need adjustments - for example the seeds of some berries need to be frozen, many plants growth is connected to particular day length or sun angle, and so on. All of this could be taken care of in greenhouses.

Did they bring livestock, or are they vegetarian?

16935743 1750032141977429 1455532587 o
(3 days after post)
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smiley wrote:

Did they bring livestock, or are they vegetarian?

I was just thinking on that very topic. I was wondering about a middle ground. I read an article not too long ago about lab grown meat. I was going to look up that a bit more...

Yet at the same time, they would need to have brought along some animals, or at least the embryos to be able to perpetuate them in the new world. And if they only brought embryos then they would have to have a way to grow them once at the new world.

Happy earth
(4 days after post)
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Frozen embryos would be feasible the not too distant future. Frozen human embryos have been grown in a woman years later, and I saw an article recently about a sheep being grown in an artificial womb. Maybe cattle aren't feasible, but certainly chickens, fish, maybe even goats - small livestock. I think live aquaculture (even on a spaceship) would work in conjunction with hydroponic gardening.

And lab grown meat is also very feasible in the not too distant future. In Asimov's Foundation series, the people ate a "meat" which was processed from yeast, though mushrooms could be the base just as easily, depending on available growing conditions.

Img 2679
(4 days after post)
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Cool!!! Looks exciting, I really want to hear all about the planet and life on it and how it's different from earth.

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