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A guy I went out with just reached out and asked me to lunch.

We only went out a few times but he stood me up multiple times so I called it off. I have recently realized I deserve more and don’t want to deal with guys bs. I did like him and am contemplating saying yes. I want to set boundaries or clarify what exactly he wants. Does he want a relationship or Fwb. How do I ask him this so I don’t get hurt?

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Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
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times, relationship, hurt, clarify, fwb
Replies (13)
T7oab4
Kalinihta
last online: 02/03, 11:07
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happened to me a while ago. so, I just asked him but he wasn't man enough to give me a clear answer. so I said to myself that I'll give him another chance to see where this is going. well, it didn't go anywhere and ended up hurt anyway!
I can't be sure about your case, but I'm pretty sure you'll get hurt anyway if you keep seeing this guy. even if he wants a relationship, there's something wrong with him. I mean, why he stood you up so many times anyway? if you don't want to deal with guys bs and you think you deserve more, then there isn't much to say.
if you think you can handle it if you get hurt, and he really deserves a chance, then go ahead. but, when I say he really deserves a chance, "I really like him" is not enough. if I were you I'd only give him a chance if I thought that he was a really good person. otherwise don't bother.

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Anonymous
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(2 hours after post)
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You are 100% right. Everything you are saying is what I am telling myself. But there is always a part of me that thinks “what if” and that I don’t want to have any regrets bc I didn’t take a chance. But you are right. Weighing the odds this will probably won’t end up well. But I still feel conflicted

Roccoflip
Rockster160
last online: 11/07, 8:58
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I'm more of a "take chances" type of person.
Have 0 expectations. In fact, expect him to bail. Have a backup: "If he bails, I'll go to the gym instead."
Then if he doesn't bail, then fine- you go have lunch. Lunches are generally pretty low expectations. It's easy to get out of a followup. He might ask, "Want to come back to my place?" and you can simply say you've got plans meeting up with some friends and that's that.

During the lunch, you can bring up the fact that he's been a bit of a flake and see if he's got a good reason for it. Whether or not he does, what do you lose? Just go enjoy yourself. Figure out what you want from him and what he wants from you.

T7oab4
Kalinihta
last online: 02/03, 11:07
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what Rockster says about 0 expectations, is a really good advice but never worked for me. chances are he won't give you a clear answer in just a meal. it might take more than that. what I did was hope for the best, gave my best self and at least when it didn't work, I was hurt but I was sure I couldn't have done anything more. when you expect him to bail chances are he will. oh, and off course he'll have a good reason for not showing up. they always do! but you should ask him anyway, so that he knows that this is not accepted. when I asked to see his intentions, I said something like "out of curiosity... bla bla bla just to see if we're on the same page". I didn't put any pressure and also made light of it. I didn't get a clear answer but I gave a clear message. hope it works for you! keep us updated!

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Anonymous
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(3 hours after post)
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You both are reading my mind. I usually do the ‘expect the worst’ so I don’t get disappointed. But lately I have been contemplating if that is the right approach. Is hoping for the best a better mindset to have. Is it worth the risk not preparing for the worst so the fall hurts less?

Electric
BA1
last online: 01/25, 20:20
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Kalinihta wrote:
It happened to me a while ago. So, I just asked him but he wasn't man enough to give me a clear answer. So, I said to myself that I'll give him another chance to see where this is going. well, it didn't go anywhere and ended up hurt anyway!

I hoped for and gave the best of myself and when it didn't work, I was hurt, but at least I was sure I couldn't have done anything more.

When I asked to see his intentions, I said something like "out of curiosity... bla bla bla just to see if we're on the same page". I didn't put any pressure and also made light of it. I didn't get a clear answer but I gave a clear message.

My deepest regards for both of you. It's his loss, really. Sometimes, there's little you can do but to let certian things play out - give out every chance you can until it just becomes impossible....
And then you move on - hopefully, to someone who appreciates you and looks forward to being with you.

314sftf
Nix
last online: 11/28, 9:31
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(16 hours after post)
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Say yes.

Then stand him up!

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Anonymous
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(1 day after post)
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Update- my gynecologist called and I have a STI. So there is my answer on this topic

T7oab4
Kalinihta
last online: 02/03, 11:07
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Anonymous wrote:
Update- my gynecologist called and I have a STI. So there is my answer on this topic

oh gosh! I'm so sorry! just to be clear, when I said give your best self, I didn't have this in mind!!! at least you've learned something! NEVER and I mean NEVER have unprotected ***sex when you're not in a permanent relationship!
oh well, it could be a lot worse.. you had a narrow escape. please don't ever do that again! anyways, I wish you well Anon. if there's anything we can do, any questions you might have, let us know.

Helpcomanimatedyetiwithdot256
𝕐ͤͭͥ̇𝕖𝕥𝕚。(Yeti.)
last online: 06/22, 14:37
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(2 days after post)
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Anonymous wrote:
Update- my gynecologist called and I have a STI. So there is my answer on this topic

Have they informed you which one?

Help me with:

[quote]Test.[/quote]

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Anonymous
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(2 days after post)
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Yes, it’s technically not an STI but you get it from having ***sex. I am on antibiotics and will get rechecked in 3 weeks. I told the guy and he is going to get checked. Although he said he still wanted to hook up even after all this. 🙄

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
Sherlock
last online: 07/08, 10:43
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Do NOT hook up with that walking bag of infection!

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