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Araz
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I’ve been off my anxiety medicine for awhile now since I lost my health insurance a few months ago.

It sucks. I’m having panic attacks again and everything stresses me out. It’s crippling. I have to work, I can’t afford to just stay at home and wallow, so I do but every single day I come back home completely drained. I’ve stopped going out - the last three parties I was invited to, I skipped (hubby went without me and made up some excuse about me not feeling well.) He’s an extrovert and I’m an introvert so he’s happiest when he’s surrounded by people.

I don’t feel like I have anyone to really talk to about my day to day problems. I don’t want to burden my husband with things he can’t “fix” and I don’t want my friends to think I’m not fun, especially since I rarely see them.

I am a mess spiritually and physically. I get winded walking up the stairs, I’m so sedentary. I haven’t felt pretty in ages. (Does not feeling attractive make me shallow for focusing on my looks?)

I feel so dumb sometimes at work where I’m still relatively new. My other career has me stressed too because I’m making stupid mistakes trying to balance both.

I feel alone in my thoughts and soul. I’m surrounded by people when I choose to be (or husband makes me.) So why do I feel so lonely?

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It sounds like the problem is that you need to get on your old medication as soon as possible. It could be that that is the root of all these problems. Not trying to be political here, but you might need yourself some Obamacare, it tied me over for two or three years when I was no longer covered by my parents insurance and before I was getting insurance through my job. I paid NOTHING for it. Check it out.

My girlfriend refused to get it because it was "too expensive" (she's getting insurance through her job now). Yet she dished out the penalty every year when she paid her income tax. Doesn't make sense to me.

Araz wrote:

I’ve stopped going out - the last three parties I was invited to, I skipped (hubby went without me and made up some excuse about me not feeling well.)

You weren't. You're having anxiety. That's a good reason not to go to a party.

Araz wrote:

I don’t feel like I have anyone to really talk to about my day to day problems. I don’t want to burden my husband with things he can’t “fix” and I don’t want my friends to think I’m not fun, especially since I rarely see them.

Depends on the friends. Some friends are easier to talk to and you can vent to them. Some friends are fun friends, you need to just destress by having fun with them, that can sometimes be better than venting.

Araz wrote:

(Does not feeling attractive make me shallow for focusing on my looks?)

I find that feeling attractive is a need that most women have. It's biological. Your husband has to help you with that by grabbing your butt and kissing you and telling you you're beautiful.


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Lano wrote:
It sounds like the problem is that you need to get on your old medication as soon as possible. It could be that that is the root of all these problems. Not trying to be political here, but you might need yourself some Obamacare, it tied me over for two or three years when I was no longer covered by my parents insurance and before I was getting insurance through my job. I paid NOTHING for it. Check it out.

My girlfriend refused to get it because it was "too expensive" (she's getting insurance through her job now). Yet she dished out the penalty every year when she paid her income tax. Doesn't make sense to me.

I did have Obamacare but I didn’t file my taxes so they took it away 😩 I’m gonna owe so much for 2017. I think I need an accountant at this point, the work I did as a 1099 really added up.

Lano wrote:
You weren't. You're having anxiety. That's a good reason not to go to a party.

I really didn’t think about it that way at all. That does make me feel better. Husband doesn’t have anxiety at all, he’s pretty much the most laid back person ever, so he doesn’t understand it.

Lano wrote:
Depends on the friends. Some friends are easier to talk to and you can vent to them. Some friends are fun friends, you need to just destress by having fun with them, that can sometimes be better than venting.

I feel like all I have are “fun” friends. I really should 😪 I do have people still reach out often trying to hang out. I have to start making myself do it.

Lano wrote:
I find that feeling attractive is a need that most women have. It's biological. Your husband has to help you with that by grabbing your butt and kissing you and telling you you're beautiful.

I lucked out in my partner. He does this constantly even when I look awful. I truly believe that no matter how much weight I gained or lost, he would love me and think I was pretty. I think the problem is that I don’t feel that way about myself. I know I need to buckle down and just go to the gym and eat healthier and buy nicer clothes. I know exactly what I need to do lol. Now getting myself to do it is another story...

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Araz wrote:

I really didn’t think about it that way at all. That does make me feel better. Husband doesn’t have anxiety at all, he’s pretty much the most laid back person ever, so he doesn’t understand it.

It's hard because a lot of people don't think about the mental health dynamic of wellness and they think you're making an excuse or something. Sometimes it helps the change the language to something they can relate too. someone asked me recently why I ddin't show up to a social meet up for a while, and the reason was my anxiety, but I said "I just needed a break for a little bit." People don't always understand mental health lingo but if you say stuff like "I'm just really tired." or something similar they can relate more.

In any case if you have regular anxiety bad enough that you are taking medication for it, I'm surprised your husband doesn't empathize more. It can be tough, my own girlfriend has issues where she gets really physically tired and she thinks it may be related to some of her mental health issues. But there have been a few times where I felt like she was using it as an excuse to avoid me or something, my own insecurity creeping up.

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I think he feels like it’s an excuse too sometimes. I’m used to pushing aside my stress and anxiety and barreling through it and pretending like everything is fine until I’ve held everything in for so long that I blow up and am told that I’m “being crazy.” I for sure am usually being crazy at that moment but its hard to get off the crazy train for a few hours once I’m on it.

And then I’m back to holding it all in again.

Lano, maybe I’m just crazy. 😕

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Araz wrote:
I think he feels like it’s an excuse too sometimes. I’m used to pushing aside my stress and anxiety and barreling through it and pretending like everything is fine until I’ve held everything in for so long that I blow up and am told that I’m “being crazy.” I for sure am usually being crazy at that moment but its hard to get off the crazy train for a few hours once I’m on it.

And then I’m back to holding it all in again.

Lano, maybe I’m just crazy. 😕

Blowing up isn't the end of the world, and we're all a little crazy so there's a degree to which the people who love you just need to adjust to your crazy and apologize on your behalf to the people who don't love you for the embarrassment.

Again, this happened to my girlfriend a few weeks ago, she put herself in an uncomfortable situation (sticking it out for a friend of hers) and reacted to it and I was like, sweetie, you need to calm down, and we ended up going for a ten minute walk so that she could cool off.

I told her, hey, you need to just tell your friend that you can't do something if you're not up for it, don't put yourself in that situation, and don't feel bad that you reacted badly under pressure, it happens.

You can just tell him that until you get back on your medication it might be tough for you to be as social as you used to be. Communication is key. It could be that he's not realizing how hard it is for you right now so when he wants to go out and have fun with you and you say no, it feels kinda fresh and confusing to him, even though it is same-****shit-different-day to you. Like if that day is a particularly anxious day, just let him know as soon as you feel it so he knows how to adjust, or so that you can talk to him about it.

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I'm sorry for the way you've been feeling lately, Araz.

I think (though not for certian), that you may be better off without your meds. At first, you may not react well, but I think if you get enough mental excircise, your brain will reset and you will be able to deal with certain pressures no differently than when you were on the meds.
That's strictly my opinion.
As for your social structure - there's no sense in making excuses or outright lying, if you're not "sociable" there is NO need to apologize. Socialization as a recreation is not something I could understand or get used to - you can't just "be yourself" because being yourself becomes a lie under a social construct due to expectations.

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Lano wrote:
You can just tell him that until you get back on your medication it might be tough for you to be as social as you used to be. Communication is key. It could be that he's not realizing how hard it is for you right now so when he wants to go out and have fun with you and you say no, it feels kinda fresh and confusing to him, even though it is same-****shit-different-day to you. Like if that day is a particularly anxious day, just let him know as soon as you feel it so he knows how to adjust, or so that you can talk to him about it.

Sometimes the answer really is as simple as communicating your feelings 😅 Thank you.

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BIG.AL.ONE wrote:
I'm sorry for the way you've been feeling lately, Araz.

I think (though not for certian), that you may be better off without your meds. At first, you may not react well, but I think if you get enough mental excircise, your brain will reset and you will be able to deal with certain pressures no differently than when you were on the meds.
That's strictly my opinion.
As for your social structure - there's no sense in making excuses or outright lying, if you're not "sociable" there is NO need to apologize. Socialization as a recreation is not something I could understand or get used to - you can't just "be yourself" because being yourself becomes a lie under a social construct due to expectations.

Oh, believe me, in certain groups, I definitely don’t feel like I can be myself. It really depends on how I’m feeling.

My psychiatrist didn’t want me to be on it for long but she definitely didn’t want me to go cold turkey like I had to 😓 It has been awhile... I guess we will see if your theory works!

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Where abouts in the US are you? Are you getting enough sunlight? A couple of years ago I started with bad anxiety, went to the doctor and they did a few blood tests and my vitamin D was super super low. Could that be the problem?

I also feel down if im not eating veggies, so make sure your getting enough iron too.

You know you can always 'burden' us with your day to day problems.... or write it out in a diary and burn it if you dont want to keep it. Funnily enough, it does help.

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Do you live in the USA? If so, go to your local health and human services. They will see you without insurance and if you cant afford your visit, they are usually willing to waive the cost.
They will have a counselor sit down with you and figure out about you. If they think you need help urgently theyll work there magic and get you help asap.

I have anxiety too. My anxiety usually leaves to pariniod thoughts and an agitation that makes me not fun.

There are natural ways people have chosen to get rid of anxiety but I've never found a very affective one other than animals.
Unfortunately though they are just a distraction for a while and if you got bad anxiety like me you can find a million new reasons to be anxious.
Sometimes just having someone validate your feelings can be enough to ease your anxiety. When you feel someone is truly listening and hears you out without judgement of how you feel or think. Then they can slowly help you lessen your anxiety.
I'm willing to be that friend whenever. If anyone knows what your going through its me.

Essential oils have worked for alot of people in the mental health world. I dont see how oils can help and I havent tried it.
But maybe you can buy the scent for anxiety and give it a go?

Otherwise I'd try to get in touch with some local services.

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Nix wrote:
Where abouts in the US are you? Are you getting enough sunlight? A couple of years ago I started with bad anxiety, went to the doctor and they did a few blood tests and my vitamin D was super super low. Could that be the problem?

I also feel down if im not eating veggies, so make sure your getting enough iron too.

You know you can always 'burden' us with your day to day problems.... or write it out in a diary and burn it if you dont want to keep it. Funnily enough, it does help.

Good point about the sunlight and veggies/vitamins! I haven’t been outside as much as I usually am and definitely have not been eating healthy. I’m in VA so it’s sometimes warm, sometimes cold here.

Thanks for saying I can post things like that here. I’ve been particularly stressed this week with work and seeing someone spell out to me that I am not a burden is really calming for me.

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Nevermind wrote:
Do you live in the USA? If so, go to your local health and human services. They will see you without insurance and if you cant afford your visit, they are usually willing to waive the cost.
They will have a counselor sit down with you and figure out about you. If they think you need help urgently theyll work there magic and get you help asap.

I have anxiety too. My anxiety usually leaves to pariniod thoughts and an agitation that makes me not fun.

There are natural ways people have chosen to get rid of anxiety but I've never found a very affective one other than animals.
Unfortunately though they are just a distraction for a while and if you got bad anxiety like me you can find a million new reasons to be anxious.
Sometimes just having someone validate your feelings can be enough to ease your anxiety. When you feel someone is truly listening and hears you out without judgement of how you feel or think. Then they can slowly help you lessen your anxiety.
I'm willing to be that friend whenever. If anyone knows what your going through its me.

Essential oils have worked for alot of people in the mental health world. I dont see how oils can help and I havent tried it.
But maybe you can buy the scent for anxiety and give it a go?

Otherwise I'd try to get in touch with some local services.

I tried essential oils (lavender really calms me) but then I read that if my kitten accidentally ingests it he will die and I freaked out and stopped using it. 😓

I need someone to talk to other than my husband but the problem is I don’t have time to dedicate my friends and I feel like if I can’t be there for them, I should expect them to be there for me, right? So I don’t even ask.

I’m going to look into going back to my therapist. I think I need to carve out that time from my schedule. And pay for it out of pocket!

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Araz wrote:

Nevermind wrote:
Do you live in the USA? If so, go to your local health and human services. They will see you without insurance and if you cant afford your visit, they are usually willing to waive the cost.
They will have a counselor sit down with you and figure out about you. If they think you need help urgently theyll work there magic and get you help asap.

I have anxiety too. My anxiety usually leaves to pariniod thoughts and an agitation that makes me not fun.

There are natural ways people have chosen to get rid of anxiety but I've never found a very affective one other than animals.
Unfortunately though they are just a distraction for a while and if you got bad anxiety like me you can find a million new reasons to be anxious.
Sometimes just having someone validate your feelings can be enough to ease your anxiety. When you feel someone is truly listening and hears you out without judgement of how you feel or think. Then they can slowly help you lessen your anxiety.
I'm willing to be that friend whenever. If anyone knows what your going through its me.

Essential oils have worked for alot of people in the mental health world. I dont see how oils can help and I havent tried it.
But maybe you can buy the scent for anxiety and give it a go?

Otherwise I'd try to get in touch with some local services.

I tried essential oils (lavender really calms me) but then I read that if my kitten accidentally ingests it he will die and I freaked out and stopped using it. 😓

I need someone to talk to other than my husband but the problem is I don’t have time to dedicate my friends and I feel like if I can’t be there for them, I should expect them to be there for me, right? So I don’t even ask.

I’m going to look into going back to my therapist. I think I need to carve out that time from my schedule. And pay for it out of pocket!

If you cant afford it, your local health and human services center has therapists that will see you for free.

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Nevermind wrote:
If you cant afford it, your local health and human services center has therapists that will see you for free.

I’m going to look into it!

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Sometimes it can be something unacknowledged in a person's day to day living situation that's causing anxiety. I'll give an example. A good friend of mine was prescribed and taking antidepressant and anti-anxiety medication. At that time he was living in the back of a jeep. He also consumed up to 12 beers a day. Ostensibly, he was 'happy' with his life, having lived this way (and in similar small vehicles) for more than a decade and was collecting disability related to psychological problems.
Well, this rocked on for a while until his jeep started having problems. By coincidence he had to file about 4 years of tax returns around that time. Looking through Craigslist I saw a small, old, and very funky RV for sale in a town about 100 miles away. I convinced him to have a look and to try somethi ng different for once. So, I drove him all the way there, he loved the damned thing, and he drove back in it. I convinced him to install a solar system and found a 12v Waeco cooler/freezer for it also.
Now, I think he's been in that rig for about 4 years, no longer takes antidepressants, cut his Valiums down to 1/3, and drinks less then 1/2the beer he used to.. and has managed to save some money. He's a LOT happier with his lot in life too and better able to deal with setbacks. All it took was to change a few things in his life, some seemingly minor like the cooler (allowed him to buy and keep fresh food instead of eating beans n stews out of a can, saving money at the same time), to basically turn his life around. He ain't 'cured' of his problems, but is far less crippled by them and, therefor, considerably more 'functional'.
Anyway, that's about it.. typing finger getting tired.

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BigWilly! wrote:
Sometimes it can be something unacknowledged in a person's day to day living situation that's causing anxiety. I'll give an example. A good friend of mine was prescribed and taking antidepressant and anti-anxiety medication. At that time he was living in the back of a jeep. He also consumed up to 12 beers a day. Ostensibly, he was 'happy' with his life, having lived this way (and in similar small vehicles) for more than a decade and was collecting disability related to psychological problems.
Well, this rocked on for a while until his jeep started having problems. By coincidence he had to file about 4 years of tax returns around that time. Looking through Craigslist I saw a small, old, and very funky RV for sale in a town about 100 miles away. I convinced him to have a look and to try somethi ng different for once. So, I drove him all the way there, he loved the damned thing, and he drove back in it. I convinced him to install a solar system and found a 12v Waeco cooler/freezer for it also.
Now, I think he's been in that rig for about 4 years, no longer takes antidepressants, cut his Valiums down to 1/3, and drinks less then 1/2the beer he used to.. and has managed to save some money. He's a LOT happier with his lot in life too and better able to deal with setbacks. All it took was to change a few things in his life, some seemingly minor like the cooler (allowed him to buy and keep fresh food instead of eating beans n stews out of a can, saving money at the same time), to basically turn his life around. He ain't 'cured' of his problems, but is far less crippled by them and, therefor, considerably more 'functional'.
Anyway, that's about it.. typing finger getting tired.

I see your point. Start with a few positive changes. I can do that!

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