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210 replies, Replies 21 to 30

I got a job.

I am well aware I am underpaid grossly ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿผโ€โ™€๏ธ

And I have alot of experience. I educate, potty train, cook, do craftsand outdoors with the kids, clean.
I dont just sit on the couch and neglect children

But I live in the middle of No where. No public transportation.
No sidewalks and no friends

They are willing to pick me up and out here there arnt many opportunities.

And it's the best I can do.
I dont really know what to do.

I just hope I'm in a good enough place

- written
Update:

Nix wrote:
Aww he is soooooooo cute!

Im sorry to hear you lost 4 though. Are you keeping him or going to a new home?

And Im glad your doing ok :)

He is actually going to my step dads daughter in law.
She is a really good owner and I like the idea of keeping him in the family so I can see how he does. Im a little attached because of all the extra care and attention I've had to give him.

I cant keep him though. Hes absolutely gorgeous but hes not what I need genetically for a male...
So this is the best place I can give him asside from myself

- written
Update:

Hes a good baby.

- written
so ..

So the dog usually is well behaved but it peed and pooped in the house?
๐Ÿค” I mean it could be stress with the family gone. Or it could just not hold it though the night. My dog Vega goes in the crate at night and there are never any accidents but when shes left out sometimes she goes.

- written
Update:

soco wrote:
Thanks for the update Nevermind. How are your other kids?

They are okay.

- written
None of my family are drinking at Christmas.

I've never experienced that kinda Christmas with drinking.
Maybe try to build gingerbread houses
I like that alot. But the guest wanted to help make the one i got for me so I just gave up and was sad about it
But maybe you can dona ginger bread house competition
And do the drinking games new years

- written
Tis the Season for a Crisis.

Nix wrote:
I think itโ€™s ridiculous that your family have done this to you knowing how it makes you feel. Iโ€™m sorry I donโ€™t have any advice, only after they are gone, talk to your family about how others staying makes you feel. This canโ€™t go on

I'm hoping once they leave they won't come back till fall but I dunno..๐Ÿ™

- written
Tis the Season for a Crisis.

Thanks everyone for not being too harsh towards me.
Anyway.

DocteurRalph wrote:
Who are these people you are so afraid of? Relatives you have known all your life or zombies from hell?

They actually arnt really family. Now they are related to my step dad. But I've only just met them this fall.
It took me 2 years to get used to my step dad.
The only family I feel at ease around are my brother and my grandma. I love my dad too but hes scary and he doesnt like me.
To be completely fair. While the guests dont seem like bad people but I cant get handle them.
For the most part I do play outside the house
I love going to the pet store. Usually empty other than me and I look at all the hamsters and look at all the things my pets maybe could like. But i only do that a couple times a year and that's as much as I get out socially. Otherwise I never leave the farm house. No side walks. No public transport. Rural country. But I like it that way too but i often have a fear even going outside. I'm okay with it when it's dark because i am hidden but in the light i feel to seen.
I was forced to attend a family function and that was stressful. All the people running around. They had assigned Seats. I have to sit with my back to a wall in a corner. It's how I feel safest.
They put me in the center with my back towards everyone. I sat in someone else's spot because it was one of tbe few I could handle and it was either that or go wait in the cold truck for my mom and step dad to leave.
I'm like that at the health and human services center too. They have all the chair backs to each other vs away from each other
I literally pull a chair away. Place it against the wall and wait in the waiting room.i wish I had a place to sit unseen but it's not an option.
I like to eat at the table
I'll wat with my brother jake when he comes over but no others.

[‌quote DocteurRalph] Can't you just get up in the middle of the night and do your shower and sneak some food and water?

The problem with that is my step dad. He refuses to sleep with the door closed and he wakes at the drop of the feather. Our floors creak badly because the house is so old.
I cant even go upstairs and open tbe door without the sound of the door waking him up. His bedroom is literally next to the kitchen so I can't do anything and the bathroom nearby too.

I shower when they are gone.
I also usually eat once a day and that's typically when there gone too.

Sundays mondays and Saturdays are hard. Cause there days off.

DocteurRalph wrote:
Do you live with your parents? Aren't they worried about you not eating or showing your face? Have they come to expect this type of behavior?

They are used to my behavior. As for checking on me, my step dad doesnt but I usually go upstairs at 4pm to greet my mom home from work. Mainly to show her I havent killed myself today so she wont come checking in me
But when the guests are here
Any sense or routine is gone because people are always here
I havent slept in a full 2 days. I'm not even tired.

When people are here is messes with my meds too cause when I dont do things at certain times cause they are here and I cant even mentally. Then I dont take them.
I'm typically awake 3 full days without any crash lows
I'm energetic for 3 days without meds
I'm then pariniod to take my meds, sleep to long and they say I'm lazy or they come in my room

I have a big problem with being asleep and not "safe" I dont want anyone to see me sleeping
the stress of them entering my space while in qlseep also makes me not wanna take them.

I know it all sounds silly. I sound ridiculous like I'm a freak
But usually im okay with the way things are.
And in the hospitals when im not in my environment the nurses always like me and think I'm sweet ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ

Then I have a cat due basically any day. Any time they can come now within the next couple days and they are coming down here wanting to touch my animals
Leave them alone.
Qnd they brought there dog down here and it stressed my pregant cat out
I said my mom would listen when i said I wanted the guest dog out my room
She said
It's fine
I said my rules! Shes pregnant shes not comfortable my rules
But she wouldnt listen and this girl is here just making my feelings worse
Qnd they can come in anytime.
Part of the reason I avoid my mom like the plague is she loves wine
Drinks a box a day and it makes me angry and she lies alot
But coming in here drunk and with guest

My mom isnt all bad
she takes care of me and allows me my pets and she does like me but
I only like her sober and she never wants to to give me attention when she isn't drinking

And her drinking is not my fault
She did it since the day I met her

- written
Tis the Season for a Crisis.

smiley wrote:
This is some crippling social anxiety. Can you text a sympathetic family member to ask them if the coast is clear and keep everyone downstairs long enough for you to use the toilet and shower? Then maybe bring you some toast or something?

This is a problem that needs to be resolved, but now you just have to work with it and well as you can. Get someone to help you, or else just grit your teeth and go. You can't just sit in your room and pee on yourself and you need food and water.

I know it sounds ridiculous but it's just like
I cant override command
System fail
๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™€๏ธ
Just hearing then walk around stresses me out. And even though I knew they were probably not awake at 6am I was still worried, what if its quiet because they are sitting on the couch watching TV.

I guess I'm too pariniod to ask for help from any of them.
I do like and feel comfortable around my brother. I guess when he comes I will be able to get help but I'm not sure when hes coming yet.

- written
Tis the Season for a Crisis.

I sound like a drama queen but I probably havent been eating or drinking much for a while before Thursday.
I just cant remember my days well.๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ

- written

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