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Nevermind
last online: 02/20, 6:06
Verified User (6 years, 10 months)
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Update:

https://youtu.be/uoRe7CIZKws
This is Gabriel my current distraction. He turned 2 weeks old this morning.

I had a phycatrist appointment last Friday. Its officially been 7 months since my last attempt on my life. Which is a big deal because since I first decided to follow through and try to take my life, I have planned and always attempting like clockwork every 6 months if not before then. Soo. 7 months is a milestone.
Well for the first time ever I didnt cry once at my psychiatrist appointment. Usually I spend the whole time in tears.
To be fair, I was on an up when I'm usually on a down but she said I was doing well and I thought, yeah I guess I am.

And it's not been easy lately. All the guests, my step brother stealing a gun, he keeps coming to the house when my mom and step dad are at work and banging on the doors yelling my name.
He is making my anxiety worse and valid.
Live in a rural area and
now im afraid of windows and being our side of my room even when home alone
Lost 4 kittens from Gabriel's litter. Which was a challange.

My mom is in the hospital so it's been surprising peaceful for a few days. I haven't been home alone at night for a long time.
She is probably coming home today but her blood pressure is high and apparently we will have nurses coming a few times a day to the house.
That gives me a little anxiety but still.

I did have one very bad day where it was everything I could do to not allow myself to die.
But for the most part I'm okay.

My dads birthday is near. My grandma is depressed.

But yet I'm okay. By okay I mean I dont feel I have to kill myself yet. And for the most part I'm not in a complete crisis.

It is mostly Gabriel's fault. I was upset when I found out my cat got pregnant while I was in vacation but it wasnt the pet sitters fault.
I was upset because If a cat is pregnant or there are kittens I cant responsibly kill myself.
That is basically forcing me to stay alive for 4 months. He sort of ruined my plans to end my life.

If I'm in a big enough crisis, I'll kill myself no matter what. But if I can stay alive and it's not immediate I'll try to wait for an appropriate time.

Still, I'm doing alright.

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Since writing this post Nevermind may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
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Replies (10)
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last online: 11/12, 21:32
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soco
last online: 03/19, 3:49
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(30 minutes after post)
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Thanks for the update Nevermind. How are your other kids?

Help me with:

We have another hurricane coming this way.

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Nevermind
last online: 02/20, 6:06
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(1 hour after post)
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soco wrote:
Thanks for the update Nevermind. How are your other kids?

They are okay.

Roccoflip
Rockster160
last online: 11/07, 8:58
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(2 hours after post)
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Iโ€™m so glad things are going well. ๐Ÿ˜Š

And thank you for the update! Congrats on the kittens. ๐Ÿ˜

Happy earth
smiley
last online: 11/26, 18:47
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(11 hours after post)
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I'm glad you're still here. I was worried when some time passed without an update. Your new baby is adorable.

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Cregyn
last online: 01/07, 18:55
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(2 days after post)
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Wow, Gabriel is so cute! And nice to read your update. Sending love and hugs xx

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Nevermind
last online: 02/20, 6:06
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(2 days after post)
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Hes a good baby.

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Araz
last online: 12/14, 0:56
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Itโ€™s good to hear from you! Thanks for the update. Our kitten is 6 months old and heโ€™s gotten so big. I remember what it was like when we first got him at 4 weeks. He was so tiny. I canโ€™t imagine having a bunch of kittens running around that size!

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Nix
last online: 11/28, 9:31
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(3 days after post)
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Aww he is soooooooo cute!

Im sorry to hear you lost 4 though. Are you keeping him or going to a new home?

And Im glad your doing ok :)

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Nevermind
last online: 02/20, 6:06
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Nix wrote:
Aww he is soooooooo cute!

Im sorry to hear you lost 4 though. Are you keeping him or going to a new home?

And Im glad your doing ok :)

He is actually going to my step dads daughter in law.
She is a really good owner and I like the idea of keeping him in the family so I can see how he does. Im a little attached because of all the extra care and attention I've had to give him.

I cant keep him though. Hes absolutely gorgeous but hes not what I need genetically for a male...
So this is the best place I can give him asside from myself

A
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