Thank you

To a friend's house who is also a co worker. I know the friend; I know he was there. The friend is a male, who my husband admires a great deal.
So I suppose it's all okay. It was just weird that he didn't tell me where he was, because we don't do that to each other.

He's a cop. We never HAD a lot of money and we don't now, either. In fact, there was a time when we used a food bank. We have property, yes. But all those properties have mortgages. So in all honesty, our debt is extensive. But we make more than we spend and property values/rents are sky rocketing. We charge under market value on all of our properties, as well. He says that he is worried about a housing bust. I'm not. In a housing bust, there will be MORE renters; and our rents are lower than average, so we won't ever need to lower them.

And the goal is to have enough to not worry in a few years. Enough to pay off some of the properties and NOT have ALL OF those mortgages.

The next goal is to have enough to retire. But it took a long time to get where we are and it's going to take a long time to have THAT much. There were some wrenches thrown into the process. And kids. And the whole life mantra I have of "There's a thin line between "You only live once" and "bills for life."

So, I've offered to work. I won't bring in as much as he brings in. He's been on the same job for 20 years. I would be "starting out." Even if I worked in a field where I got my education, I would still be "starting out," and making 1/2 of what he makes. My salary would grow, sure.

The issue around all of that is that neither of us wants to put the kids in public school, and he doesn't teach. I've tried to get him/teach him/train him to take over some of that to make it easier for me to get into full time work. He's just not able to teach the kids.

But he doesn't want me to get a real or a FT job. He wants our lives to stay like they are.

So I'm looking at teaching ESL online to kids in China through the nights. I wasn't planning on starting that until after our potential move in March, though. I have started on the process of being a notary for banks...in this housing economy, being a traveling notary for closing documents is pretty lucrative. I mystery shop and baby sit and tutor.

^^^^ All of those things are to try to start to replace his income...WITHOUT having to get a FT job outside the home. If I need to get a FT job outside the home, I will do that.

In the meantime, I've been looking at commercial property and looking at what we need to do to get commercial loans. I'm moving forward with the real estate thing, because someday it will be a really good gig....

So...should I just take control and go get a job? He would hate that. Kids would hate that. I would hate that. Maybe it would be the best move though, to take some of the "earning" responsibility off of him? IDK. And honestly, IDK if he cares that much any more, one way or the other....

*ugh.

I type too much :eyeroll:

He hasn't mentioned it, but he did not "come home" when he got off work yesterday, and he was not at work. He was out for 4 hours after work, and he's NEVER done that before.

I have to clarify, I guess. He's a cop. So he's "late" often, but when he's late, I could call dispatch and find out what call he's on...and he's always at work. But he can't be "out/off work" while in his uniform and in his squad car. So he DID come home. Dropped off his car and changed. While I was gone to take one of the kids to dance practice. He knew where I was. He didn't get back home til 4 hours after the end of his shift

Probably not. But relationships do take work

I also think that someone who gets married "lightly" may not really love their spouse. I think that there are people out there who want to be married just for the sake of being married and not because of the love for the other person. Those people "fall in love easily with others..."

For those who take their time marrying and who are selective, I think that with work and perseverance; weathering the ups and downs and still being by each other's side, it's far less likely that they "fall in love with another..."

And, finally.....

Yep ^^^^^^^^

^^^^^^^^ Yep

I don't really think it's fair for your wife to go on all the vacations without you. Where is your chance to unwind, see the world, and sleep in??

Again, you're their rock. But maybe you need to bend a little bit and relax for yourself and your own well being.

*oops. Honeymoon was both of us alone....

Finally, we've never taken a vaca with the two of us. Both of us would rather have a family vaca. We do 1-5 family vacations a year, depending on the extensiveness. Sometimes, it's a ski weekend. Sometimes, it's a trip to Mesa Verde for a week or to Moab or the like. Then it's a couple of those types of things a year.

Once in a while, we take a blow out trip (2009, 2016, 2018...and one planned for 2019). Those include Disney World and other stuff. They are usually long...all the vaca time spent on one trip vs spread out...etc.

I know for a fact that he would rather take a family vaca, because he talks about how quickly our kids are growing up. Our 17 yo has a girlfriend and is considering NOT going on the trip this year....consisting of a month of being gone...driving through the great ol' USA and seeing all the sights along the way. We are going to drive to St. Louis and spend 3 days; not sure about TN...might drive through (spent over a week in Memphis and Nashville last year) or we might spend a couple days. Then on to the Carolinas, where we have 10 days to spend since we've never been there before. From there, to Orlando, where we are going to spend 8-10 days (and 5 at WDW). From there, along the Gulf Coast hitting beaches for three days and then back to Colorado. It is just sort of "beyond" both my husband and I that the oldest doesn't want to participate in this trip...and husb is saying that maybe we shouldn't take the trip if all of us are not going to participate. My thoughts are those of heartbreak, thinking about not having my son along.

But, nope...no trips with just the two of us. I reckon that's coming as the kids decline participation....

The bed bug lady didn't take a toll on our relationship. We've weathered much worse. It's not even a big deal anymore. It was one of those life stressors that you get through at the time and move on from.

Dates with the two of us...maybe once a month, maybe a little less. We have never left our kids with a sitter or in daycare. And because of that, it took having "older" kids to be able to go out. Now we have kids who are 17, 16, 13 and just turned 7.

We SHOULD have been able to go out much sooner...but the 13 year old is a wild child who throws a wrench in things. He's getting better over the last year or so, and we have gone out once a month-ish. Give or take.

I go to the gym. My husb has a membership too and he goes far less often (and doesn't actually do much when there other than walk around and talk to me...but that's okay) Anyway, when he has the desire to go to the gym, we will go together and we always enjoy that time. So it's not really a "date," but it is time along together a couple times a week-ish.

We also spend afternoons when he gets off work driving around in the car, relaxing, taking sips of coffee, talking, etc. He really likes to drive. It relaxes him. I really like to hang out with him. We really like to talk about our day without constant kid interruptions, so we do this quite often. He works five days on/five days off. On ALL of his off days, we go for a drive. We do it maybe half of his work days...again, I know it's not a "real" date, but it is time together.

Aside from that stuff...we do go out to eat alone and/or to a movie once a month-ish...