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663 replies, Replies 91 to 100

What happened to my post?

@Rockster160 Thank you :)

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How do you help a depressed spouse?

@Araz ...read my post from a few months ago. I've been married now for 19 years and together for 20. 4 kids together.

My husb is a great guy, but I think he's suffered from depression a little bit, as well in the past. Our marriage has had its ups and downs and we're kind of on a "plateau" right now, trying to make it better, because neither of us really wants to get divorced. I think mental health plays a lot into our issues, too. I have PTSD from childhood trauma. He has some undiagnosed issues. And when we had marital issues 10 years ago or so, he would NOT go to counseling.

Recently, a year ago or so, we had some issues and again, he would not go. He doesn't ever DO anything, though (walks, kicking the ball with the boys, playing family games....he's just very non involved). And he gets so angry and hateful toward people sometimes.

So, I sort of know where you're coming from and I feel for you.

The bottom line, for me anyway, is this:

I dated a lot before I married my husband. And in the end, he was the first person to make me feel safe and secure, which is what I needed desperately in my life. We don't have a rainbows and roses marriage, but he does love me.

When we've had issues, I've looked around at what else is out there. I've thought about past men I've been with. And there aren't that many good men out there (despite the flaws that ours have..., they're good men). By the same token, there aren't that many good women, either.

So, if he's a good man, roll with the tide and try your hardest to work through it. 20 years from now, when you've weathered it all, you will be happy that you did.....

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My oldest turned 18 recently.

I'm encouraging chastity. She is on birth control, though.

I don't pry at all, but every day, a little bit more comes out.

I think she had a half way decent living situation recently. After literally being homeless, she lived with her dad's ex GF for a few months, paying $350/month rent to have a bunk bed in a tiny bedroom in a trailer with 2 other girls. Her only personal space was literally the top mattress of that bunk bed.

But, during her stay there, the woman did sort of "mother" her. And then kicked her out. Go figure.

Anyway, the bottom line is that she's a sweet heart and I love her. But I love my son more and I don't want this to be a bad thing for his future. (This girl is his GF, but he's not in love with her, if that makes sense. They were just sort of dating, rather casually, when the sh!t hit the fan and she had no place else to go)

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Am I asking a question?

....

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How do you help a depressed spouse?

Also, there are a few simple things that tend to make people feel better:

Being outside with the sun shining on your face
Creating something
Learning something new
Playing an instrument
Art....

Maybe try some of those therapeutic sorts of simple things...though I'm sure you've thought of/suggested those things.

I hope he can pull out of this

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How do you help a depressed spouse?

I'm so sorry to hear this. Will he get counseling? Go on meds for a little while (doesn't have to be long term; just long enough to get over the bump in the road)

It's hard for men to admit their feelings, so it seems like that makes it harder for them to heal/accept help.

As Slash said, remind him that you are his wife and that you are there for him. Remind him that not everyone is like those who back stabbed him.

Maybe you can figure out a reason his friend from childhood did that to "explain it away" (not excuse it) because then at least there is a "reason for the craziness that the friend pulled...." which would make your husband know that the friend isn't a jerk for the sake of being a jerk, but that he was between a rock and a hard place or something...

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Should I stay or should I go?

The best way to defeat insecurity is to take the leap.

There's a lot to be said about having medical coverage

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open discussion: not refering to personal situations..

I agree with Araz. I appreciate my rights and modern conveniences. Also advanced medical technology is great. I had Radial Keratotomy (precursor to Lasik) in 1992 and had better than perfect vision (20/15) til about a year ago. Now it's 20/40, so it's not awful....and I need reading glasses yuck

But people are assholes these days. No doubt about it. People care far less for others, property, feelings, and even themselves than they used to, I think. Part of it is the almighty dollar.

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Facebook is really beginning to suck big time!

jj01 wrote:

PepperJ wrote:
I'm like Peter: all of my photos from the last 10 years are on fb. My kids do instagram, so I got an account, but I'm not "comfortable" using it; just not used to it, I think

But social media is starting to be bothersome and sometimes I think it contributes to mild depression

You miss me? ...lol

Hey, JJ. Great to see you here. Sorry about all the fb bans

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I was born and raised in the same state my entire life.

smiley wrote:
@PepperJ that sounds nice for everyone - and stressful for you!

Honestly, not at all. I think I'm a planner. I have binders galore on bookshelves in our house. There are ones for trips, for business, and for lessons K-12. I home educate the kids and make up my own curriculum. I looked at my thumb drive the other day and the number of pages I have for one subject alone is over 10,000.

I'm ALWAYS busy and I'm a planner, researcher, thinker--as in big picture to details...and an organizer. I usually have several projects going at once. Those things make me happy.

People have told me that I'm TOO organized and TOO much of a planner/creator/busy type of person, and that I was too "busy" all the time. So there was a time period where I was self conscious about it and tried to slow it down.

Then I decided to embrace it :)

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