@Araz She is in HS. She should have graduated in May or maybe Dec. But she pretty much failed her senior year and most of her junior year. So she is maybe a junior.

One of the rules of living here is that she has to be in school.

I tried to enroll her in an alternative school yesterday. It's a school that has two tracks: one provides a diploma and one provides a GED. IDK which she would be eligible for, because it's based on age combined with number of credits earned so far.

I found out at this alt school that she needs a referral from the "boundary HS." I asked which would be our "boundary HS." Even though we live in one town, we live so far to the outskirts, that our "boundary HS" is actually in another town.

Principal at alt school said to go in person to register her and to ask for a referral right then.

Today, we went to the boundary HS to enroll her. The registrar is out for summer break and the fill in didn't know anything.

So, I'm not sure where that leaves us. Will find out later what to do.

She needs to get a job of some sort. Not FT, just something to cover her needs for clothes, spending money. Future independence.

@DragonLady I am human; I know that romantic interludes happen. I'm not trying to stop it. I'm just not comfortable with it in my house.

For "adults," as they technically are, they have a LOT of learning and growing to do. Besides, the brain isn't even fully developed til the 20's. I feel like 18 is too young to be an "adult" for many people....just fine for others. But 20 would be good...with some lessons

He likes her. He loves her. He says he feels like he found a best friend. I have been setting the stage with healthy relationships/boundaries convos. And have told her that just because he's not ready for her now doesn't mean he won't be in the future. HE even said that. He told me she would be an amazing GF, but he just doesn't feel it in his heart. He's going to deliver the news soon

Her motivation to move in wasn't him. She wasn't even sure that she would be moving in because when she lived with dad's ex GF and was feeding the 2 girls, she asked and I said no. When she got kicked out, I said no. BELIEVE ME: it was HARD to say no. And after family convos and discussions about rules, possible scenarios, etc...we decided that we would get her and bring her here. I'm glad we did

And she comes from a different place than most of my son's friends who are girls. She's used ***sex to procure what she needs. Not everyone has been in the same situation, but that's hard for her to understand....

Yep. We are trying to think of ways to do this.

The biggest issue is that she has been "thrown away" by every single person in her life. Having my son tell her that he doesn't want her as a serious GF will feel (to her) as if she's being thrown away again, even though that's not true.

I have talked to her about giving him his space. I have talked to her about healthy relationships having different space/time. I have talked to her about if the romantic thing doesn't work, she still has 7 people in her life who will unconditionally be there for her (all of us plus our one male room mate).

My son has a few friends who are girls. I can hear/see the jealousy that B has toward these other girls. I've sat down and explained to her that my son won't do anything with them and that it's not like that for him. She said she trusts my son, but not the girls. I said, "Well, if he doesn't see them that way, it doesn't matter what they do. He won't 'go there.' Part of the reason you like him so much and part of the reason you know that he is a good guy is because he was raised to be able to think things through; he's logical; and he comes to us (mom/dad) for help and questions with relationships. He knows how to put people in the places they belong in his life...."

And, yes, son needs to tell her he's not so into her. The issue with that is that she's a beautiful girl, staying in our house. And....hormones....

And those two last paragraphs is where I have issues with the whole thing...not where I would ever ask her to leave, but where I would need advice because....what now? lol

He is not finished with HS yet. He will graduate in December.

Then, he is going to live at home and go to community college. I live right in the middle of several universities, several community colleges, and several tech/trade schools. He can live at home and do the college/trade training. He wants to live at home during this time, because he doesn't want to have to support himself while going to school/college. I'm fine with that.

Sorry to hear that about T. I thought for some reason, that he had a happy relationship. I suppose I was clueless.

The sad part is that it wasn't a great relationship and that you said he doesn't seem to be better off without her. Seems like in that case, he loved and needed her in his life, even though she was....whatever she was....

I hate it that she played on your heart strings, because the same is happening. I love this girl and feel like she's a kindred spirit...I was kicked out and homeless, living on the streets, in HS. I wish someone would have helped me. But now, I can help someone else and I'm glad for that, and I think that's making me feel closer to her than I should....NOT that she's not a great gal. Just that I should be more reserved. She's a real firecracker. She has anger issues and is a tough chick. I understand why/where that came from: she had to be tough. Anyway, she's always so high energy, so "mouthy" and so opinionated and, well...."fire crackery...."

When she was living at her boss' house (see other thread), she stayed a day at our house. Hitch hiked to get here :/

I watched her that day. She was so quiet, reserved and "down," that she actually seemed sick. She sat in the big oversized papasan chair in our fam room and just shook. I would watch her and she didn't realize I was watching her all the time. She ended up finally just falling asleep for several hours. I watched her sleep. She shivered, she was pale.

The next day, when we went to get her stuff and she "officially" moved in, after we pulled up into our driveway and I was still in our van and so was she...we were alone, I said, "You will never have to wonder where you are going to sleep or where you are going to eat again." She sobbed.

Later, my son and her went to play soccer. He came home and told me that she and he had talked about that before we went to get her stuff: that she was so stressed, just not knowing where she would live from day to day, that she felt sick.

Yep. She pulls on my heart strings......

I guess my post really doesn't apply to yours, with the exception that I think that some of the issues listed that my husb had/has is, I think, possibly due to depression....

@DragonLady
Let's call the girl B

My son is 18. He still lives at home. He's not going to "play house" at my house and on my dime. If he wants to be in a bedroom with her, they can move out and rent their own apartment.

However, my son is not totally into her; though she is into him. So I'm trying to provide the space necessary so that he has a life separate from time spent with her. She is inserting herself into his life pretty aggressively.

She didn't move in so that they could be together. She moved in because she was kicked out and was homeless.

When she was 16, mom and dad divorced b/c dad was a womanizer. She lived with mom. She always talked to mom about how dad was so great. So mom told her to live with dad. Since then, mom has blocked her on social media, said she never had a daughter named B., and has told her that there is nothing she can do to make mom want to see her or have anything to do with her again

She lived with dad for a while. Dad had a son from a prev marriage who was 4-6 years older than her. This guy would beat on B. She would go to her room, close the door to be away from him/ out of his way. He would enter her room that she shared with a sister, and would pull both girls off the beds by their feet. He would drag them to living room and would kick and punch them.

She told dad about this. Dad said that he didn't want to hear it and that if she complained, she would be kicked out. She also asked dad why he had a different woman every week and why he went out and partied and drank so much. Because of that, dad started hitting B. Eventually dad told B to get out of his house

After she was kicked out of dad's house, she literally had no place. She lived with various friends. She traded favors for a roof/meal. She used drugs and dropped out of school

After living on the streets for a few months, dad's ex girlfriend let her move in

@ex girlfriend's house, she lived in a shabby trailer in a bad neighborhood. She shared a bedroom with ex girlfriend's two daughters. So she literally had the top bunk of the bed as her personal space. She worked and sort of went back to school (but still flunked out). She was charged $350 in rent per month. It was while she was living with dad's ex girlfriend that my son met her.

Dad's ex girlfriend started dating B's dad again. But ex girlfriend knew dad was a womanizer so she would go to dad's place to place herself in his life firmly and prevent other women from visiting. She would spend two weeks at a time away from home, at dad's house. The three girls living in the trailer were young and had no car. The two younger girls (dad's ex girlfriend's bio daughters) were missing school/truant...no way to get to school. There was no food in the house. Nobody was feeding these girls. My son was there once and confirmed that. So B would work her job (at Taco Bell a block away) and would bring food home for the two younger girls. B stopped paying rent because she was pissed that ex girlfriend was never around, not taking care of the girls, and not feeding anyone. Though B was feeding herself and the two girls the best she could.

Ex girlfriend kicked her out for non payment of rent.

B moved in with her boss for a couple days. However, boss had a 3 bedroom apartment with 6 adults living there. Boss also had big parties and had men over. Boss told B that she would have to participate in parties or be out in 3 days. We went to get her (an hour and a half away, at this point).

All she had in her total possession when we picked her up was one duffel bag and two paintings/watercolors that she had done at school. She loves art.

She actually had a hamper, as well, with some clothes in it, but since Boss was so insistent that she get out before "party weekend," she left it behind. We haven't actually gone to pick it up, yet.

She sees my son as a great guy. She's afraid of men. Our male room mate (who has lived with us for over a year) has seen her fear. My husb has seen her fear. I've seen her fear.

My son is the first and only guy who has treated her well.

Add to that the fact that my kids are rather spoiled/entitled to some degree: They are home educated; they have been in club and school (you can play for a school even if homeschooled) soccer for years. They've been in basketball, baseball, and have taken art classes. They take sign language lessons. They took 3 years of Arabic lessons and 1 year of Spanish lessons. They have all been in dance for 6/7 years. My daughter has been in dance (tap, jazz, ballet and pointe) for 7 years and my sons for 6. They all take piano lessons. They all take an additional instrument (lessons) besides piano. We just arrived back home from a trip that was 29 days long and included sights and experiences in St Louis, Memphis, Nashville, Asheville, Charlotte, Columbia (SC), Charleston, Tybee Island, Savannah, Orlando (and all the parks), and lots of beach time.

She wants that life. Plus because of her past, she's very insecure. And has found a boy who is a cut above what she's used to in that he treats her right. And his family who seems pretty stable, after what she's dealt with. So she has latched on a bit, and I don't want her to "smother" him. He didn't want her to move in. He's not nearly as "ready" to "settle" as she is. He wanted his space; his separate life; his separate friends. But he also said that we couldn't not let her move in, given the circumstances.

I don't think I have your #

I do try to let my son make his own decisions somewhat. And that's why I'm mildly worried.

1. Teens have raging hormones
2. She's not the one and hasn't been the one for him. They've been good friends. But she wants to marry him So I'm worried about him being "smothered" and becoming unable to live his life separate from hers.

I did tell them that I'm not going to let them play house on my dime. So, she has the basement space and he has a room on the top floor. I have cameras. They are not allowed in each other's space, for a couple reasons:
1. They NEED this separate space
2. The whole "playing house" thing

Also, she's not allowed on the top level of the house between 8pm and 8am....that also gives husb and I time to be able to laze around in pj's and watch movies or whatever. I explained this to her (that WE also need OUR space) and she gets it.

I also talk to her about healthy relationships and mentioned to her that if things don't work out with her and B, they can be great friends...and that either way, she has gained 7 people who will back her unconditionally (the 6 of us and our one room mate who's been with us for over a year now)

But she is pretty aggressive in taking up B's time. If he wants to go to his room to nap, or play video games....she gives him half an hour and then texts or knocks on his door....yikes lol

She also inserts herself into his relationships with friends. That is going to have to be something that is changed.

I'm glad to hear that he's going to try to get help. He's doing that because he loves YOU