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Just found out my dad has got terminal stomach cancer.

I haven't had any contact with my family for almost 3 yrs.

This info was sent via my mum through a 3rd party, she had been trying to contact me for a while but I've made myself untraceable.

I can't stay away and let my dad pass without seeing him again as he and my mum clearly wanted me to know this for a reason, but to make contact again is going to cause them both a lot of extra stress and worry.

I don't know what to do.

I am in a total mess and have isolated myself partly so they wouldn't have to be part of it.

I am not going to be here much longer.
I have at most 7 months left.
If I stay away my leaving won't be as hard on them.
If I make contact it's going to be really bad for them.
The stress of it could finish my dad, or if he has already gone I don't know how my mum will handle it.

I'm only posting this anon to make it less easily traced to me in the future

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contact, stay, dad, stress, mum
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314sftf
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im sure that your dad would want you to make amends before he went.

dont do something you will regret just because it seems harder than the alternative.

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BuckingFastard(JN)
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He must do or they wouldn't have tried so hard to contact me.

To see how I am now isn't going to help him at all tho, it's been easier for them to not know.

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I think that in times like this they just want you to be there. Whatever has happened in the past doesn’t matter. I think you need to do what’s best for you and you will regret it if you don’t say goodbye

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1. My deep regards for you and the situation with your father.

2. Get a hold of yourself. You are in control of your conduct. You determine how much stress you cause or not.

3. Go see your dad. You only have one. When he's gone, that's it - no more chances. Give your mom a kiss and a hug. Tell her and your dad how much you love them and reconcile the past the best you can.

4. Be there until the end. Your mom will need you.

Good luck and best hopes.

314sftf
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BuckingFastard(JN) wrote:
He must do or they wouldn't have tried so hard to contact me.

To see how I am now isn't going to help him at all tho, it's been easier for them to not know.

He doesn’t need to see how you are. He just needs to see you.

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BuckingFastard(JN)
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It is going to upset my parents greatly to learn how I have become and to see the state and situation I'm on.

This will add extra worry to them and I know my mum is really bad for worrying.

It's not going to leave my dad calm or fond memories to take with him.

314sftf
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They worry because they love you. Maybe just lie about how you have been? Then there’s no stress about that and you get to see your dad

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soco
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Don't think about yourself but about them. If traveling to see them would cause them pain and regret, don't go.
Personally, I would go see him. Just so you can tell him to his face that you are forever grateful to him for giving you life. He wants to hear it now, not after he's six feet underground.

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Mya
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This is indeed a difficult situation.. I am sorry about it and your dad.

I presume if they searched for you than they are prepared to accept whatever and just want you to be there.

I don't know how I would react if my mother asked me to be there for her as we have not spoken for almost a lifetime; but I would like to think that i would be able to overcome the past and reconcile with her.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope it will bring you and your parents peace and love. Big hug xx

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BuckingFastard(JN)
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I have to go and see him.

When I turn up without my husband they are going to notice that, I can't hide that we are no longer together and that I caused that.

They are going to notice how much I have changed and I can't hide that.

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Mya
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BuckingFastard(JN) wrote:
I have to go and see him.

When I turn up without my husband they are going to notice that, I can't hide that we are no longer together and that I caused that.

They are going to notice how much I have changed and I can't hide that.

Those things unfortunately happen :( None of us is perfect.. We can all be hurtful or do wrong things at times.

Why do you think that they would consider how you changed in a bad way? Is there a way to talk to your mom first about your situation..?

Explain to her that you'd like to see them both, especially dad, and be there for him, but you are afraid that they will find it hurtful rather than supportive. This is what happened and this is how it affected you, and this is how you are now. Tell them that you are sorry and if they still would like you to be there that you would love to do that.

Sending lots of love

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BuckingFastard(JN)
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Mya that's quite a good idea.

I am now really weird.
I've lost the ability to hide it and behave like a normal person.

The last time they saw me I was still capable of hiding my insanity.

It will shock and worry them to see me now.

I have broke contact with everyone I used to know so that nobody would see what I am now and nobody would notice when I disappear completely.

314sftf
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That’s nothing to be ashamed of. Life is not rosey all the time. They tried so hard to contact you then I’m sure that will be understanding of your situation. Talk to them. I think you will be surprised.

But don’t cut contact with them before you know how they will react.

Bejbybird
Mya
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BuckingFastard(JN) wrote:

I am now really weird.
I've lost the ability to hide it and behave like a normal person.

The last time they saw me I was still capable of hiding my insanity.

It will shock and worry them to see me now.

I have broke contact with everyone I used to know so that nobody would see what I am now and nobody would notice when I disappear completely.

We see you here and we love you! And we would certainly notice if you disappeared.. :(

Well, I guess you have nothing to lose then. They will either accept you or you will just do what you have been doing. I am a mom and I would want to see my daughter no matter what if i was on my death bed..

You might have made some bad choices in life or took some actions which resulted in painful consequences, but you did not choose 'insanity', or did you?

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BuckingFastard(JN)
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It will make things hard for them to see me now and it will have a bigger impact on them when I disappear.

If I don't see them tho dad may pass thinking I hate him.

Bejbybird
Mya
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Are you able to write to them?

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soco
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Go. Don't go. Write. Skype. Fly by in a hot air balloon. Mail yourself in a box... Regardless of which method you choose you are arguing with yourself how they will perceive it. You don't know, that is just your assumption. You have changed. So have they. Judging how they will react based on old data is frivolous. Just go and then leave. How they want to react is totally up to them and out of your control. Their issue. Walk away with your soul intact. Even if their head explodes or they grow a 6th toe on both feet. Not a thing you could do about it.

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