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663 replies, Replies 221 to 230

Do you believe in soulmates?

DocteurRalph wrote:
If by soul mat you mean one perfect person that shares your soul then no. Definitely no.

There are however a lot of shitty people out there that will tell you they are your soul mate just so you will do whatever they want. Don't stay with a shitty person just because of some stupid trippy soul mate crap. There are a lot of people out there that would love to love you and treat you right, even it you happen to be a shitty person.

Great reply

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CaraMia wrote:
Does anyone remember "Barely"...or just "B" and Maryanne?(sp) They met on here and actually got married...Everyone posted congratulations on the orig HELP...I wonder what ever became of all of that?
Well I am assuming that it was REAL, anyway....????

It was real. Last I knew, they were still together, but lost contact a few years ago because B used to date JJLove, and as long as I was friends with her, he wouldn't be friends (fb). Met B and JJLove irl. Great people....

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She maintains that he did not hit her....so I'll go with that for now.

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DocteurRalph wrote:

They're going to garnish her wages eventually. The tax man doesn't play around... that debt belongs to both of them. He might as well face up to that and get back to work, I have a feeling that would solve a whole lot of their problems.

^^I did not know that^^ Wow. I will have to tell her. She is trying to save money to buy a house so she doesn't have to keep paying in a house where rent is skyrocketing. I told her that I think IRS could take her house, if they are both listed on it.

In the place where they rent....they moved in right after someone moved out; and there was old furniture and things in the backyard. They got a break on move in costs in exchange for helping landlord clean out back yard. Fast forward 4 years and they haven't cleaned out back yard, so landlord gave them an ultimatum. They had one month to clean it.

She works more than FT; he doesn't. It never got cleaned. On one of her days off, she rented a trailer to clean it, and started the task, finding out she just couldn't do it herself. So she hired my boys, ages 13, and 17, and they went over and spent 2-3 hours helping. They told me it was so gross...you would step into the yard and sink into things....like a moldy old couch that they had to step on to get out into the yard, etc.They were breaking apart bed frames, etc and throwing them onto the trailer. But sinking in the moldy mattress....

While my boys were helping her, (and SHE paid them), husb was sitting on the porch watching, smoking cigs.

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I remember Courty and Living4You and LazyDaze! Wonder where they all are now!?

Geez, I think Lazy and I emailed each other a few times, but now I can't even remember :(

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DocteurRalph wrote:
My wife goes through my phone all the time too, although I've never even picked hers up. I'm just not real worried about all that and don't have anything to hide so it's not really an issue to me.

I feel like spouses should ask to go through phones, and should not contact the friends in a conversation and harrass them....

I let my husband use my phone constantly. I ask him to reply to people who text me while I'm driving, etc. However, I go to touch his and he almost slaps my hand away. I don't really think he has anything to hide and I'm not ambitious about touching his phone. I guess I figure if he has something to hide, it will come out soon enough anyway. Why borrow trouble? (I think he's just a very private person, honestly...and doesn't want me to see what his brother texts him because his brother doesn't like me since I'm mostly a stay at home mom and my husb works)

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DocteurRalph wrote:

I don't think it's a good idea to try to split them up without any evidence of any wrongdoing. Marriages do take a lot of work if you want them to last.

Neither do I. I believe in the sanctity of marriage, even for bad marriages. And I'm on the fence about where the black eye came from.
I do think, though, that they need a break from each other....WHILE attending counseling and working on strengthening marriage.

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soco wrote:
Your friends husband is a control freak and has trust issues. She should not have to hide things from him just to feel trusted. Recommend they seek counseling immediately.

He won't do counseling. She sees a counselor alone

DocteurRalph wrote:
How long have they been married and how long has he been not working? Was he always an abusive bum or is this a recent transition? Are these kids his? Do they have the same parent and is he/they involved?

Married 6 years; I think he started off decent. Part of the reason he won't work is because he owes income taxes and if he got a job, he complains that he would make "less than minimum wage and it wouldn't be worth it," because he would have his wages garnished.

He has two grown kids with a previous wife. The disabled son is hers only, and he won't do anything to help out with him. Instead of getting a lunch hour at work, she takes two 30 minute breaks to run home and feed and/or diaper her son, even if husb is home, because he won't do it. I do realize that may be a hard thing for some people to deal with, but you know about it going into a marriage and still decide to marry and support one another, you could be more helpful. Or else move on and marry another, in my opinion.

4 year old daughter is both of theirs together.

He and his sibs got an inheritance a couple years ago when his parents passed. About $200k each. He bought himself a new truck, went on a "solo" vaca., and paid the rent for one year for each of his grown children. Current wife/dau (my friend) did not get groceries, a spa day, or even a bouquet of flowers. Nothing. Not that he should have to spend his money in a certain way...maybe he felt like he is there with them and that is enough, I don't know

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Thanks, BA, for your insight and help

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Well, it's all a lot to think about. I'm definitely going to try to figure out a time when we can talk and I will bring all of this up to her.

Possibly, he really DIDN'T hit her, but they are definitely stressed.

She keeps saying, too, that she wants her dau to grow up with a dad in the household. And I truly have conflict here, because I think it's awful for people to live in crappy situations, but it's also (from a religious standpoint) not good to divorce.

I think the best thing to do will be to talk to her when I can. And to offer my basement and to let her pack some things to leave here

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