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181 replies, Replies 51 to 60

Fill my heart with mercy please!

Aria wrote:
Yup! But it's not even just that I'm a people-pleaser, though that's most of it, it's that I always tend to let them get away with horrible stuff, because the conflict or even the idea of the conflict puts me into a hysterical panic - which at some points in my life (many years ago now), resulted in self-harm. I still carry scars.

My mom was horrified to hear the other day when we were celebrating my 2-years-of sobriety date that I stay clean for her. She doesn't understand that the only reason I stopped was because she wanted me to, not because I did...I was content with dying from my addiction. (I didn't tell her that last part)

But that's how I go through life. For my mom, my dogs, the fact there's not yet enough money for the financial burden of my demise... I'm on auto-pilot.

I’ve never met anyone who understands that! The reason I won’t kill myself is bc I know it will hurt my family. Congratulations on your sobriety. But I completely understand how you think

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Fill my heart with mercy please!

Aria wrote:
I'm afraid I have the opposite problem, so I can't really give you much helpful advice. :( I tend to be someone who can't stop being nice/caring to even those who are actively and continuously abusing me.

I think the strongest people are those who have found a balance. I'm trying to find it, but I seem to fall back into old habits after trying to make "boundaries" tends to exhaust me or make me anxious and self-critical. It's kind of a self-proved philosophy of "if you don't say 'no' to what people want from you, they'll have no cause to hate you more than you hate yourself."

SAME! I am a huge people pleaser. I am still having trouble doing things for myself vs everyone else

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I'm just a little bit sad.

Tell her. Girls like honesty especially with guys.

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Fill my heart with mercy please!

Anonymous wrote:
Thank you for replying! The catalyst of the post is my boyfriend blew me off and I feel unforgiving. I want to be kind and understanding though, that's what makes everything good. Maybe if I just say "I love myself unconditionally" a million times I will have more compassion! I love myself unconditionally I love myself unconditionally I love myself unconditionally. whatever

Speaking as someone who is a people pleaser and avoids confrontation I do the same thing. Sometimes it’s easier to let things go than fight it. But think of what you deserve and don’t let anyone fall short of that. I recently made a list of basic things I deserve and I think that was good for my relationships

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talking is so useless.

I disagree completely. We don’t talk enough. There are so many things unsaid that if as a society we weren’t scared to talk about we could solve problems.

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Fill my heart with mercy please!

I have but not in the relationship sense. I love my grandpa unconditionally and I honestly don’t know if I could survive without him.

I think that in order to love unconditionally in the relationship sense you have to love yourself unconditionally first. This is something I need to work on but I think once I realize what I deserve I could be in a functioning relationship with that kind of love.

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I must be the most experienced person on this site except for the few exceptions like that sherlock dude and a couple others I know are here but can't think of atm.

Guys, we have all been there. You have to understand that anon is just frustrated and is venting. I don’t think they are actually trying to offend any of us.

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Career solutions.

It is temporary. I know that right now life is kicking you in the ***ass but you have to keep trying. Moving back in with your parents sucks, but use it as a time to save up money to get your own place. As for the job I’m not sure why you left but take the time to find something you are passionate about. Or pick a place where you like the people who are working there.

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I must be the most experienced person on this site except for the few exceptions like that sherlock dude and a couple others I know are here but can't think of atm.

You are right. I don’t know anything and with my track history am probably the worst person to give advice. But I am here and I won’t stop trying to help and I think that’s should count for something

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:) How are you all?

I read you originally post and I would like to say that I wish someone taught me when I was a kid that I deserve so much more. I think you should be the one to teach your daughter this. Something that bothers me is when women say they want a man who is nice. That seems like such a basic quality that everyone should have one seeking out a relationship. We shouldn’t have to verbalize that they want someone nice bc we deserve that and so much more. I know it would be nice if your husband would buy you flowers but try and buy yourself and your daughter flowers to show her what you deserve. ❤️

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