I've seen those motorized bikes--heck, I'd like to have one myself!

Your experiences show just how stupid it is to put someone in jail who has had problems with drugs. I've always said that the war on drugs is a war on people. Those who have had problems with drugs need rehabilitation, not incarceration!

Yep, it's amazing how people in jail and prison get drugs. It HAS to be the guards!

Can you ride a moped? When I'm in Africa, you see millions of them. They are the chief means of travel. In Toronto tonight I saw a guy on an electric scooter--it is cold as hell and there is snow everywhere, and he was on a scooter!

Love is a discipline.

Here's a cold, hard fact about life: there will always be someone wittier, prettier, sexier and richer than your spouse.

AND there will always be someone wittier, prettier, sexier and richer than YOU.

So we guard our feelings and we DO NOT ALLOW OURSELVES to indulge in thoughts about someone we find wittier, or prettier, or sexier or richer than our spouse. We mentally change the subject (or the channel) and we refocus on our spouse and our relationship.

When someone tells his/her spouse, "Oh . . . I didn't mean for it to happen, but I just fell in love with someone else."

NO.

IF you LOVE your spouse, if your marriage vows mean anything to you, then you will never, ever say those words to him or her.

NEVER.

Because if you do, they mean that you are incapable of the discipline of love, and that you are ripe for the taking by anyone who's wittier, prettier, sexier or richer than your present spouse.

And that's not a good thing. It denotes you as the lowest form of humanity--completely at the mercy of animalistic urges.

Soulless.

A friend who made his own beer said, "Bleach is your friend." He said you had to sterilize the heck out of your equipment.

I'd really like to do this if I had the room for it!

Well, there is the other part of the puzzle--a high stress, thankless job.

Hardly anyone appreciates the police these days. The stresses on the job are tremendous. It's hard not to bring that home to the family. The police are always having to deal with the most problematic members of society.

Yep. The two of you need a vacation, no doubt about it!

I would recommend that you pursue some kind of part time job.

I do not see a divorce in your future. I see two stressed people who need to take a step back, reaffirm their love for each other, and resolve to make it through everything.

Take the initiative, however, and begin letting your husband really know how much you love and appreciate him.

And make a mutual promise to each other: the word "divorce" will be taboo--verboten--in your family!

Two decades, four kids, countless difficulties weathered together--the two of you have waaaay too much invested in this relationship for it to ever end!

Bahamas-pajamas!

I really feel for you having to deal with a "system" that really doesn't care about people, and with NA meetings where the facilitator doesn't show up.

But, if not for the way things worked out, you might be dead right now. And who would then shoot that beautiful Model 100?

You know--I think you do need a vacation--even if it's only 100 miles away. Why not start planning something right now?

That fentanyl is really nasty stuff--some 100 times more powerful than morphine! And the body count from it just keeps rising.

You dodged a bullet--you're like that 12-pointer who just had some hair clipped by that errant .308 bullet!

I think you hit on something--you've worked too hard, too long, without a break of some kind. So plan that vacation in the Bahamas--or an Alaska cruise in your pajamas!

OK, here is what I deduce:

1. Your husband doesn't really want a divorce.
2. Your husband feels that he does not please you.
3. Your husband feels that you are not staying in the marriage for HIM.
4. Your husband feels that his efforts are not appreciated and are futile.
5. Your husband is worried about the future, and he thinks you may an emotional ticking time bomb that will explode at the worst possible time.

Remember, you walked out on him twice.

And, remember, too, that anger, resentment and expressed frustration are not tools for positive change in a marriage.

You should tell him--RIGHT NOW--that although he may be the "Vulcan" in the marriage, that you appreciate him for his qualities, that you admire him and that there is no one else in the world with whom you'd rather be.

He is likely afraid that when all the kids are gone--you will be, too. If he thinks that is inevitable, he will try to just get it over with as quickly as possible.

But he really doesn't want it.

Now, think back--when was the LAST time you really effusively praised him about anything?

Do you give him at least 10 praises for every criticism?

Do you laud him in when you are with your friends? Or his friends?

Have YOU ever proposed a date for just the two of you?

Have you had a vacation together recently?

How much of a toll on your relationship did the "bedbug lady" take?

No, he doesn't want a divorce. He's afraid. He fears he doesn't have the psychic energy to hold you once all the kids are gone. He fears that, deep down, you'd replace him in an instant if you could.

Now you have some insight into his psyche--now go forth and repair his sense of self-esteem, his feeling of being loved--and your marriage!

The trick was, of course, to not vomit on the woman you were trying to impress!

My wife and I are friends with a family who have a 30-year-old daughter. The daughter had one child out of wedlock about six years ago.

The daughter will gush on Facebook about how "amazing" her current boyfriend is, and when she gets dumped she trashes him on her Facebook page.

What's funny is that everyone could see a deteriorating relationship but the daughter. When you get older, you realize that words are cheap, and that it is actions that you really have to observe. The latest boyfriend made no attempt to see her, and when he was offered a job several states away, she was not even in the equation.

It's really tough on single parents--men and women alike. I was a single parent for seven years. I found that most women wanted their "own" children and didn't want to help take care of another woman's child. Men are much more accepting in this regard--for all the talk about "toxic masculinity." Yep, truth be told--men are much more accepting of a "ready-made family" than are women.

Anyway--when the signs of devotion are not there, it's time to cut ties and move on. Trying to hang onto a construct of your own imagination, rather than reality, only leads to heartache.

The only person in a real position to help her is her partner--the father of her children.

I would NOT go to Child Protective Services, Social Services, or whatever, because those agencies too often take kids out of the frying pan and throw them into the fire. They could end up being *****raped in some foster home--and it's happened plenty of times.

Talk to the partner with the understanding it is a completely confidential conversation--he won't disclose it to the mother. He may, anyway, but at least you'll have some cover.

DocteurRalph is right--mental health care in the US sucks--it sucks like a black hole. Believe it or not, it's not covered under the "free health care" in Canada, either. The world is still treating mental health like it's still not part of someone's overall health.

Talk to her partner. Ask him to talk to the kids. Tell him you'll support in any way you can--but if he does not get some kind of help for her, he may come home one day to find her and/or the children dead.

Of course, he won't want to believe it at first--but tell him to talk to the kids, and he will know they will not lie. And ask him to come home "unexpectedly" a few times to see for himself.

Again, though, do not throw her into the meat grinder of the "system"!

Yes, I'll bet those meetings are a real bore! But they do seem to have a degree of success.

My last post was deleted--it was there when I posted it from the pub!

Wish you the very best and a very quick recovery!