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Is being too nice a bad thing?

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Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
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aeolian
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Makes people think your hiding something and if your a guy being too nice won't get you the girl

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BigWilly!
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Depends on what you consider nice. If it means 'doormat' then.. kinda.

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Anonymous
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😓 doormat, kind of. I've always been a push over. It's hard to say no

BigWilly! wrote:
Depends on what you consider nice. If it means 'doormat' then.. kinda.

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Anonymous
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aeolian wrote:
Makes people think your hiding something and if your a guy being too nice won't get you the girl

getting the girl is fortunately not a problem for me

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ProffVampy
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i wouldnt say you can be too nice, but you can be overly nice with no backbone which is often the issues as theres nothing not nice about telling someone 'No' if whatever they want is unreasonable, you have other things to do etc. By all means be the nicest person you can possiblky be but at the same time stand up for yourself and have self respect, if people are taking advantage of the fact you're a nice person then they dont deserve that kindness and in my opinion can somply f-off

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Being too nice makes yourself a liar. Makes you less capable of faceing someone to harsher realities.
Think about what it is to walk on ground that is too soft.

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Nix
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Yes you can be too nice. It makes people take advantage and ungrateful. theres being nice, then theres being a doormat.

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Silverset
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Well, I think its good to be nice but also not allow urself to get exploited. I consider a relationship where one just gives and another just takes unhealthy. I think its better when you first meet someone to do a small amount for them and see how much effort they are interested in to give back. Do it gradually and do a bit more at a time and if they stop showing interest then its good to back away. That way you can prevent yourself from being exploited.

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
Sherlock
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I have to say that being nice CAN cost you the "girl" in your younger girls. Although young girls may appear to be quite innocent, they tend to harbor agendas that are offputting to many guys. To wit: they tend to go after the "bad boys." I think that they innately believe that a "bad boy" has superior genes that would make for more competitive offspring. Of course, that's not what the girl's mental dashboard says--it just says, "Bad Boy! Get him!" Now, girls will deny this until Doomsday, but it is the truth. And, no, it doesn't apply to all girls--just 80 percent of them. They will knock down 50 decent guys to rush to the side of a coarse and rough guy who treats girls like dirt. Quite often they end up having a kid or two with this bad boy, and then it finally dawns on them that bad boys aren't very good husbands or fathers. Then they divorce and seek out the kind of guy they rejected for the previous 5 or 10 years. This is a phenomenon exploited by the Harvey Weinsteins of the world.

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Anonymous
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Big-Al-One wrote:
Being too nice makes yourself a liar. Makes you less capable of faceing someone to harsher realities.
Think about what it is to walk on ground that is too soft.

What if you're not lying by being too nice - it's something you can't help? Because you are way too altruistic. Even when I tell someone "Bad news" I still try to stay positive about it

But for the most part I agree with you - people seem to not trust me even though I am always trying to be really nice. It's like they don't believe me, but I don't feel like I'm lying 😥

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Anonymous
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Nixx wrote:
Yes you can be too nice. It makes people take advantage and ungrateful. theres being nice, then theres being a doormat.

How do you stop being a doormat?

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Anonymous
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Sherlock wrote:
I have to say that being nice CAN cost you the "girl" in your younger girls. Although young girls may appear to be quite innocent, they tend to harbor agendas that are offputting to many guys. To wit: they tend to go after the "bad boys." I think that they innately believe that a "bad boy" has superior genes that would make for more competitive offspring. Of course, that's not what the girl's mental dashboard says--it just says, "Bad Boy! Get him!" Now, girls will deny this until Doomsday, but it is the truth. And, no, it doesn't apply to all girls--just 80 percent of them. They will knock down 50 decent guys to rush to the side of a coarse and rough guy who treats girls like dirt. Quite often they end up having a kid or two with this bad boy, and then it finally dawns on them that bad boys aren't very good husbands or fathers. Then they divorce and seek out the kind of guy they rejected for the previous 5 or 10 years. This is a phenomenon exploited by the Harvey Weinsteins of the world.

I see what you're saying, but in this situation I'm the overly nice girl. So the problem for me is a little different, I have a hard time breaking it off with the "bad boys"

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
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Ah, yes, Anon! You recognize the phenomenon!

Ask yourself what the qualities are in the bad boys that attract you, and the qualities that repel you.

Then find a nice guy who has the qualities that most likely attract you, e.g., self-confidence short of hubris, and doesn't have qualities that repel you, e.g., selfishness, coarseness, inconsideration.

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
Sherlock
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P.S. Anon, you have zero obligation to "make up" anything to any boy you think has been "oppressed" in any way.

I have seen girls who wouldn't date a boy if he wasn't an "underdog" in some respect. They wouldn't touch nice, successful guys: they went for the guys no other girl would have.

You can't fix the past evils of colonialism, racial or ethnic or religious prejudice, or any other form of discrimination the boy or his parents may have suffered.

You don't choose a lifemate to "fix" things--you choose a lifemate you can depend upon and trust.

By the way, studies have shown "nerdy" guys to be the most loyal, loving and trustworthy.

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Aria
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Speaking from personal experience, being nice and kind is a good thing, but as said above...if it gets to the point of you becoming a doormat, it can lead to problems, and that's not a good thing. You can be used, abused, and hurt so badly that you might end up coming out of it with a lot of distrust and unwillingness to believe in other people's genuine kindness.

Yorick
Yorick
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not bad.. but i speak for myself when i say .. it never does.

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Anonymous
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but...people who aren't nice are considered assholes.

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DocteurRalph
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I like people who are "too nice". The hard part is finding other like minded people to hang out with so that you are not being used. I find myself being used a lot but I still prefer to be the nice guy who finishes last.

Help me with:

I need help.

A
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