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Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
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Has anyone ever "gaslighted" you?

Wikipedia says this about the etymology of the word: "The term originates in the systematic psychological manipulation of a victim by the main character in the 1938 stage play Gas Light, known as Angel Street in the United States, and the film adaptations released in 1940 and 1944.[7] In the story, a husband attempts to convince his wife and others that she is insane by manipulating small elements of their environment and insisting that she is mistaken, remembering things incorrectly, or delusional when she points out these changes. The original title stems from the dimming of the gas lights in the house that happened when the husband was using the gas lights in the attic while searching for hidden treasure. The wife accurately notices the dimming lights and discusses the phenomenon, but the husband insists that she just imagined a change in the level of illumination.

The term "gaslighting" has been used colloquially since the 1960s[8] to describe efforts to manipulate someone's perception of reality. In a 1980 book on child sexual abuse, Florence Rush summarized George Cukor's Gaslight (1944) based on the play and wrote, "even today the word [gaslighting] is used to describe an attempt to destroy another's perception of reality."

Further: "Sociopaths and narcissists frequently use gaslighting tactics. Sociopaths consistently transgress social mores, break laws, and exploit others, but typically also are convincing liars, sometimes charming ones, who consistently deny wrongdoing. Thus, some who have been victimized by sociopaths may doubt their own perceptions.[10] Some physically abusive spouses may gaslight their partners by flatly denying that they have been violent.[4] Gaslighting may occur in parentโ€“child relationships, with either parent, child, or both lying to each other and attempting to undermine perceptions.[11]

An abuser's ultimate goal is to make their victim second guess their every choice and question their sanity, making them more dependent on the abuser. A tactic which further degrades a target's self-esteem is for the abuser to ignore, then attend to, then ignore the victim again, so the victim lowers their personal bar for what constitutes affection and perceives themselves as less worthy of affection.[12]

Gaslighting may be experienced by victims of school bullying[13] โ€“ when combined with other psychological and physical methods, the result can lead to long-lasting psychological disorders and even progress into illnesses such as depression or avoidant personality disorder.

Gaslighting describes a dynamic observed in some cases of marital infidelity: "Therapists may contribute to the victim's distress through mislabeling the woman's reactions. [โ€ฆ] The gaslighting behaviors of the spouse provide a recipe for the so-called 'nervous breakdown' for some women [and] suicide in some of the worst situations."

Have any of you been a victim of gaslighting? Have you seen it done to others? Do you think the "gaslighter" is acting consciously?

Do any of you think you have been guilty of it, e.g., moving your spouse's things around in the name of "order"?

How should you react if you think someone is gaslighting you?

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Since writing this post Sherlock may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
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husband, gaslighting, victim, gaslighting, psychological
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Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
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I think that HelpBot is gaslighting me! ;-)

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ProffVampy
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i wouldnt say i have been victim to it in such an extreme sense but feel that people use this kind of manipulation alot. whether do thy dont have to admit they were wrong or to make someone see things from their point of view. though i can see how it would be very traumatic to someone who was consistantly told that they were delusional and they were mis-remembering things. I find it bad enough after a night out and i just cant quite remember what happened so im sure if you were to beleive your partner or whomever that you were infact doing this constantly it would do psychological damage.

I also feel its the kind of things that your parents and teacher might do when youre younger because either they didnt notice the event or they dont want you to misinterpret things at a young age.

So no i havent been subjected to it in the extreme that you detailed above nor do i know anyone that has but i can see small examples of it both happening to me, and myself doing it to others in my life.

Very interesting to read about though! are you very into your psychology Sherlock?

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BuckingFastard(JN)
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I'd say people may very well not know if they have been victim to this.
If it's done successfully then it won't be uncovered

Do you think this is happening to you Sherlock?

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ProffVampy
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J.N-Bucking wrote:
I'd say people may very well not know if they have been victim to this.
If it's done successfully then it won't be uncovered

Do you think this is happening to you Sherlock?

very true, in the same way abuse victims blame themselves and not the partner.

Hayao
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Sort of. I once dated someone who was manipulating me psychologically, not elements in my real life. For example, he would do something that would make me terribly unhappy, like cheat on me, and then attack me about it and turn the whole thing around so that I thought it was my fault, not his, and that he was the victim. That went on for like almost two years. Worst two years of my life.

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Also, when my ex would do this ^, he would try to manipulate my emotions. Whenever I was visibly getting very depressed, he would try to guilt trip me into thinking that I had every right to be happy, which would make me feel even worse about being sad.

In my defense, I use to be really, really stupid.

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twosocks wrote:
Sort of. I once dated someone who was manipulating me psychologically, not elements in my real life. For example, he would do something that would make me terribly unhappy, like cheat on me, and then attack me about it and turn the whole thing around so that I thought it was my fault, not his, and that he was the victim. That went on for like almost two years. Worst two years of my life.

I think this is really a perfect example of the most common and damaging version of it. I think most people when they're trying to figure out how to have relationships and get what they want end up being guilty of this and of being victim to this in smaller ways, like when you're a kid and it's not your fault your sister cried. But we're supposed to learn how to love and relate better! Your story is a real example of someone who didn't. I'm sorry that happened to you.

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
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ProffVampy wrote:
Very interesting to read about though! are you very into your psychology Sherlock?

I believe that I am being gaslighted by interdimensional beings--whenever I am missing something, that seems to be the only logical explanation. I have deduced that they use the spinning clothes dryer drum as a portal into our own dimension!

I had a PSYOPS (psychological operations) specialty in the military, and I would call upon my knowledge of psychology when acting as a private investigator to predict where my subject would go and when. People are amazingly predictable!

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
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twosocks wrote:
Also, when my ex would do this ^, he would try to manipulate my emotions. Whenever I was visibly getting very depressed, he would try to guilt trip me into thinking that I had every right to be happy, which would make me feel even worse about being sad.

In my defense, I use to be really, really stupid.

No, you were not stupid--just innocent. There are so many wolves out there seeking to prey upon those who have not developed a kernel of cynicism.

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
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J.N-Bucking wrote:
I'd say people may very well not know if they have been victim to this.
If it's done successfully then it won't be uncovered

Do you think this is happening to you Sherlock?

Yes, I know that there have been attempts to gaslight me. The best defense is a real belief in yourself. Immediate pushback is also required, such as when someone is telling you something about yourself that you know not to be true, just start out by replying, "Really? It seems that you have proceeded from one or more false assumptions." Then you start picking them apart. Of course, no one wants to engage in such an exercise ad nauseam, so it is best to cut those people out of your life who are trying to warp your sense of self-identity.

Now, of course, constructive criticism can be good--but my own personal rule is that if someone is really trying to help you, then you should get far more laudatory comments than criticism. Even if the criticism is on target, all criticism and no praise is counterproductive. If all you hear is criticism, you can be sure that there is an ulterior motive--such as wanting to tear you down so they can build themselves up.

Sherlock's hard and fast rule is to cut those people, institutions and organizations out of your life that do not build you up!

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"If you put a frog in boiling water, it will jump out. But if you put a frog in cold water and gradually turn the heat up it will sit in the water until it boils alive."

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Dunno whether it qualifies, since it's neither by an individual nor malevolent, but that's the sort of impression I had of reactions to talking about depression. Pretending it isn't there since it shouldn't be, for lack of evidence.
Kinda reminiscent of orwell's 1984, in a nutshell.
Probably have done it, mostly in transparent shenanigans.

Help me with:

[quote]Test.[/quote]

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ProffVampy
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Sherlock wrote:

ProffVampy wrote:
Very interesting to read about though! are you very into your psychology Sherlock?

I believe that I am being gaslighted by interdimensional beings--whenever I am missing something, that seems to be the only logical explanation. I have deduced that they use the spinning clothes dryer drum as a portal into our own dimension!

I had a PSYOPS (psychological operations) specialty in the military, and I would call upon my knowledge of psychology when acting as a private investigator to predict where my subject would go and when. People are amazingly predictable!

I am studying clinical psychology and they are indeed easy to predict. though i end up analysing myself alot which can be both good and bad....espeically when i decide not to listen to what i tell myself xD its gotten me in alot of trouble

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
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ProffVampy wrote:
I am studying clinical psychology and they are indeed easy to predict. though i end up analysing myself alot which can be both good and bad....espeically when i decide not to listen to what i tell myself xD its gotten me in alot of trouble

I have done a lot of introspection lately. Although I try to assign nobility to my actions, I realize that I am a flawed creature who has made many mistakes. Sometimes I wish that there was a great big reset button that I could push.

However, we cannot change the past--we can only change the future.

The past is gone. The present is lost as it arrives. There is only the future.

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